Could someone please explain this to me?

submitted by denverkris from self.detrans

"I have no way to realistically transition. And the only reason I've been living as male for the past year is because living as female caused me to attempt suicide."

So, quoting this text from a post on /r/detrans. I don't want to comment there since...well, y'all know. I really don't understand this. what is "living as male" vs "living as female". ??? I do feel bad for this person, but I have no idea what the difference is? Either way, aren't you just...living?

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[–]worried19 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

I'm sure they mean presenting as male, wearing men's clothes and having a male haircut. And going by male pronouns.

Personally, I've never attempted to transition but I do "live as a man" insofar as my outward appearance and daily life is indistinguishable from an average guy my age, minus biological functions. It's the way I manage having to remain in this society. A female gendered existence would make me suicidal.

[–]denverkris[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

"I'm sure they mean presenting as male, wearing men's clothes and having a male haircut."

I do all of those things too. I don't purposely go by male pronouns, but I certainly get called sir fairly frequently. I'm still not sure I understand what a "female gendered existence" means? Like, wearing makeup and dresses?

[–]worried19 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I don't go by male pronouns either, although I don't mind if I get called "sir" or if people think I'm a biological man.

"Female gendered existence" to me means participating in femininity in any way, shape, or form.

[–]denverkris[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

""Female gendered existence" to me means participating in femininity in any way, shape, or form."

Ok, that helps. I'm curious if young people today feel more compelled to to do this and this is part of what's causing them issues? I've always chosen not to participate in femininity in any way, shape or form but not doing so has never caused me any distress. In fact I rarely think about it.

[–]worried19 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'm your classic example of a child distressed by gender at a very early age. If someone wants to label that social dysphoria, I started experiencing it at age 3 and it really peaked at age 5. This was before people were transitioning little kids, of course. So I just a tomboy who lived and basically "passed" as a boy.

[–]denverkris[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I was basically the same. Insisted i was a boy, took off my bathing suit top because that's what boys did, refused to wear dresses or play with dolls (which apparently caused my mother a great deal of distress). It got really difficult in my early teens when I looked very much like a boy, as this made a lot of the other kids a bit uncomfortable when they realized I wasn't one. Puberty through college was certainly not the most fun time, but I'm perfectly well adjusted these days. I have never been "feminine", even work in a traditionally male field. I'm just stubborn I suppose, and was determined to do what i wanted to do how i wanted to do it. I personally don't see how pretending to be something you aren't helps, but for adults, i say do as you please.