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[–]Blackbrownfreestuff 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Ok i thought that is what you mean't. I agree, that is very valuable. I wish I knew where to meet people.

[–]send_nasty_stuffNational Socialist 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Have you ever heard of the Pareto principle (also called the 80/20) rule? It's the idea that 80% of outcomes result from 20% of causes. I find as I get older that the Pareto principle is everywhere. At work 20% of my staff get 80% of the work done. In friendship groups 20% of the friends plan all the events and meet all the new people. I've learned that I need to always seek out the 20% of people that are getting things done. If I meet and develop some type of relationship with those people it creates a synergy and I benefit. Same goes for getting away from the 20% of people that cause toxicity and negativity in your life.

Another tip is to be a bit vulnerable but also dominant. In other words ask people to do you favors. If someone does a favor for you they justify in their mind that they like you, because why would they do something for someone they don't like? Then after that part try to memorize something about people you meet. Could be something about a hobby they do or their family. Then when you see that person again ask them about that thing (and then try to find more things about them for future interactions). Why do you think so many people ask what time it is, or if you have a cigarette, or what the weather is going to be like? They are trying to get you to do a favor for them so that they can connect with you.

Keep in mind that people aren't really taught how to interact and socialize anymore. Don't be offended when people forget your name or don't ask about your life or look distant when you are socializing with them. It's our instinct as humans to think the person doesn't like us and to beat ourselves up about it. In reality it's just that people are very very isolated and spend their lives only seeing interaction online, or through movies and TV. This makes people really bad at socializing. That will change after you have a few interactions with them and they see you as someone who is close to them. Until then you, as an intelligent and social person, have to carry the weight of the blooming friendship.

I wish I knew where to meet people.

I find that part hard as well. I work a lot and commute a lot so I'm not around people in a social capacity very frequently. I've learned to stop worrying about trying to meet women and focusing most of my time on men. Finding good masculine friends leads to social situations that have available females. It also increases the chances a female suitor will see you in a positive light, i.e. they will see that you have social capital and that's critical in meeting women. Develop those male friendship using hobbies and activities. Men are interested more in 'things' than people and they form bonds with other males by pursing things in teams. Get some hobbies, sports, projects and ask men to help you with them. That will grow your friendship and the 'places' become easy because they are naturally going to be 'places' you engage in those activities.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Another tip is to be a bit vulnerable but also dominant. In other words ask people to do you favors. If someone does a favor for you they justify in their mind that they like you, because why would they do something for someone they don't like? Then after that part try to memorize something about people you meet. Could be something about a hobby they do or their family. Then when you see that person again ask them about that thing (and then try to find more things about them for future interactions). Why do you think so many people ask what time it is, or if you have a cigarette, or what the weather is going to be like? They are trying to get you to do a favor for them so that they can connect with you.

Keep in mind that people aren't really taught how to interact and socialize anymore. Don't be offended when people forget your name or don't ask about your life or look distant when you are socializing with them. It's our instinct as humans to think the person doesn't like us and to beat ourselves up about it. In reality it's just that people are very very isolated and spend their lives only seeing interaction online, or through movies and TV. This makes people really bad at socializing. That will change after you have a few interactions with them and they see you as someone who is close to them. Until then you, as an intelligent and social person, have to carry the weight of the blooming friendship.

Best post you've made tbh

[–]send_nasty_stuffNational Socialist 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks PCP. That's nice of you to say. I appreciate it!

[–]Blackbrownfreestuff 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Good advice. I'm married, so thankfully I don't have to worry about finding a woman. I met my wife at church long ago. I'm not religious, but i've thought about going back to make male friends. I've also thought about joining a running club or other fitness group.

I couldn't imagine trying to find a woman in all this mess.