The reason for bringing up r/GC and r/ActualLesbians was to point out that many women like to complain about people who they think aren't Lesbians using the word Lesbian. Clearly they understand the problem. If that doesn't apply to a particular woman because she hasn't said those things, then yes of course that point would not apply to her specifically, but it does still seem to be a popular sentiment. Women bringing up problems with people who are not female appropriating the word "woman" would be a still larger group, though of course yes it does not include all women.

I feel like I already addressed the points you're making about language. As I tried to explain, I don't think taking someone's name to mean something else is not the same thing as borrowing concepts and words for them and having general linguistic exchange. And I think most people and most women would agree with me here, that they would want people not to do that for their own names for themselves or their ethnicity or similar things.

And I wasn't saying a woman could use the word "Lesbian" if she experienced exclusively homosexual feeling and somehow could trace her linage to a particular Greek island even if quite distant. I think that only actual Lesbian women -- women who's family has been living on Lesbos for a long time, women who's family comes from Lesbos, perhaps women who've immigrated to Lesbos and become part of the community there.

It sounds like you're saying nobody would be right to complain if everyone suddenly decided that "Hawaiian" really meant "fan of Kūkahi," to the point that actual Hawaiians could no longer effectively use the word to talk about themselves, and nobody else could effectively use the word to talk about actual Hawaiians?