Been in the guo a minute or two and know that sketchy shenjiangbao are asking for liquid bowel movements. I know that sketchy waimai is asking for liquid bowel movements. I know that looking at a big chain eatery the wrong way is asking for liquid laduz.

My viv has been busy with whatever vivs do when not ripping off their countrymen or people overseas. Because of her pre-occupation i've developed a nasty habit of going to the neighborhood shaooowdieen for some sweets after dinner. Watching my weight loss stall I realized that the easiest place to trim the fat was my 4/7 night a week habit of grabbing sweets after dinner.

I did the logical thing and asked a friend for taobao links to sugar free candy and bought a wide variety from kangarooguo. The first day of 2021 rolls around and despite being careful about my breakfast outside, something is clearly wrong. Im talking a week worth of gas and bloating in an hour. I thought I was in for a bout of food poisoning. And yet despite risky fart after risky fart no rusty water came from my peegoo.

I took the non toilet time to check the caloric content of my new guilt free snacks and came upon this warning label on my kangroo snacks "EXCESSIVE CONSUMPTION OF THIS PRODUCT MAY CAUSE A LAXATIVE EFFECT AND OR STOMACH DISCOMFORT". So instead of making up for a mediocre NYE I will be staying at home farting and spraying a toilet bowl, from developed world food for the first time since I came to laduzi guo.