A jerk from our lost motherland

submitted by alkhd from self.ccj

I have no creativity so I just steal other people's jokes. I rate it 6 哈哈 out of 8.

A Chinese man, an African, a laowai and a Japanese were sat on a bench.

The Japanese notices an old qinghuaci under the bench and picks it up to wipe it.

DUANG! A jini appears and promises to offer them all their wishes.

The Japanese man says "I wish all of my Jap brothers and sisters can return to the greatest country on Earth - Japan!"

JIONG! All the Japs baibai le.

The laowai says "I wish all my laowai friends can finally find a decent job back home, get the guts to dump Rainy and no longer be losers!"

PIA PIA! All the laowais in China zou le.

The African looks at the jini and says "I wish all my African brothers can leave this racist country and find a better life!"

HEI HEI HEI! All the heiren in China jiu mei le.

The Chinese man, now on his own on the bench looks at the jini "So, you tell me all the Japs in China are baibai le?"

The jini nods silently.

"All the laowais have zou le?"

The jini nods again.

"All the heiren go back Afric?"

"Fuck me, YES!" Says the jini. "What is your wish?!"

"I'll have a reshui"

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[–]PATGUI 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (14 children)

really underwhelming ending, like this country.

[–]automoderator[M] 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

我想你了。

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this sub if you have any questions or concerns.

[–]starfishsurprise 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

我想干你屁股

[–]alkhd[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (11 children)

There used to be this fire dumpling place on a side street near where i lived, I didnt really know much chinese the first time I went there so beyond ordering and paying I didn't really say anything to the old couple running the shop.

I would go there quite often and after a while the old man would always nod and smile at me when I walked past, this would often get me to think "why not" and go have some dumplings there.

Even after going there for a year and having learned how to ching the chong on an kind of intermediate level I never really spoke to them beyond ordering and paying, I felt it would be kind of weird to suddenly speak chinese to them after all this time.

I wonder if they ever think back about me like I'm thinking about them now at 3am. I never did say goodbye to them. Do they ever wonder what happened to me?

I don't know why but you reminded me of them.

Also, I think your bot broke or its trying to collect as many 备胎 as possible.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]automoderator[M] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    我想你了。

    I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this sub if you have any questions or concerns.

    [–]automoderator[M] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    我想你了。

    I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this sub if you have any questions or concerns.

    [–]starfishsurprise 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

    我想干你屁股

    [–]automoderator[M] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    No why

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    [–]automoderator[M] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    No why. Do you know it?

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    [–]PATGUI 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

    I used to go to this corner store that never switched off the fridges at 8PM, unlike the retard in my xiaoqu, always kept stock of Chinese made Pabst, unlike the retard in my xiaoqu that needed 2 weeks to restock but wanted to sell me the uber expensive tsingtao (the 100 rambos one...) at the end so he could break even that month. She was a Guangxi minority I think, but other than a few niceties that's how it would go: Hello,

    hello,

    two bottles today,

    why do you keep coming here? It's a bit far from your house...

    Oh, my convenience store laoban is a fucking retard, I'd rather come all the way here than having to face him.... you also always have cold beer.

    Then one evening I was buying a beer, next day there were new people, I just went straight to the fridge as usual and put my beer on the counter but noticed the QR was different. Oh... you are not helping, you are the new owners...

    She left without mentioning it, nothing was unusual that evening, no packing, no nothing, no conversation change. So no, they don't think about you, there is nothing to think about you, you were just an oddity and they don't talk about oddities. Oddities don't pay the bills, but they may talk about you because having a foreign customer as a usual may bring them face, I don't know.

    I could also feel she was mad if I stayed away from the beer for a couple of weeks. Oh, the foreigner it's not leaving his daily 2 rmb....

    This story of ownership change is far too common, once you are long in China... also you tell them your nationality but you keep being the meiguoren. So fuck them.

    [–]automoderator[M] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    我想你了。

    I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this sub if you have any questions or concerns.

    [–]starfishsurprise 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    我想干你屁股

    [–]automoderator[M] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    No why

    I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this sub if you have any questions or concerns.

    [–]automoderator[M] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    No why. Do you know it?

    I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this sub if you have any questions or concerns.

    [–]RedditExPat69 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I wish I read Chinese - this sounds hirarious.