Until we find a vaccine for religious fundamentalism there is no peace

chadwickofwv · 2023-10-16T12:00:46+00:00

That is a religion.

IkeConn · 2023-10-15T19:16:19+00:00

Barry Goldwater warned us about this in the 1960's but it fell on deaf ears.

zyxzevn · 2023-10-15T17:44:02+00:00

Critical theory is also religious fundamentalism. Mao and Pol Pot used the Communist version to kill the most people.

jet199 · 2023-07-26T15:52:54+00:00

Sorry to break it to you, but she lost her faith when the doctors first handed you over and she saw your fugly face.

jet199 · 2023-07-26T14:48:31+00:00

An atheist woman gave birth to you

koan · 2023-04-24T15:03:07+00:00

It is not a leap of logic. Unless something is eternal, something else caused it to begin.

If you did not mean it's eternal than we would have to accept you are talking in incoherent self-contradictions. Is that is an assumption you prefer?

Please explain your position then so I don't characterize you wrongly.

I have to understand your position. This is debating 101, so if you sincerely want to debate explain your position. Otherwise you must accept you don't want to debate.

JasonCarswell · 2023-04-18T17:08:29+00:00

If the universe is not eternal a Creator would be a necessary cause.

That's a giant bullshit leap of logic there.

I never said it was eternal.
You're making shit up. Again. I don't think you're sincere - or your overwhelming biases make you a shitty debater.

Am I mischaracterizing your position?

Yes.

You are sealioning.

koan · 2023-04-18T10:14:17+00:00

If the universe is not eternal a Creator would be a necessary cause. You say that a Creator is unnecessary. So it means that you logically imply that the universe is eternal. If it is eternal, what evidence compels you to believe the universe might be eternal?

You’re basically saying that you disagree with their position so you disregard all their alleged evidence…. Am I mischaracterizing your position? Everyone is biased, so what a critical thinker does is read all sides of the issue and weighs the evidence.

Reading a lot of books doesn’t mean you can’t be wrong. Perhaps you should add a book on logic or critical thinking?

But not being to explain it makes it likely a miracle, when combined with other evidence like the healings at Lourdes or the house of Loreto. You assumption is that miracles are impossible, and I gave you evidence of alleged miracles that you can’t explain away, so maybe you should revise your position to miracles might be possible to be consistent with the evidence.

JasonCarswell · 2023-04-17T15:56:08+00:00

Again: I never said the Universe was eternal.

I'm saying ALL sources are biased.
And I'm saying ALL religion is retarded at the fundamental base core.
Adding all the layers of brainwashing cult nonsense just builds up walls over shitty foundations.

Religion is beyond logic, but not contrary to logic.

False.
/s/Illusions

The point is you should look at reality independently of your prior bias or upbringing. Otherwise you will be trapped in an echo chamber.

Agreed. You don't know my life, so I'll fill you in. I have countless books on Existentialism, Zen Buddhism, Confucius, The I Ching, Bhagavad-Gita, Krishnamurti, Sikhism, Shamanism, philosophy, consciousness, drugs, etc etc etc.

It seems unlikely that miracles don't happen.

Ridiculous.
Just because you can't explain it doesn't make it a miracle.
Don't add bullshit to have a bullshit answer.
It's better admit you simply don't know.

You're not living up to your name.

koan · 2023-04-16T12:07:08+00:00

If the universe is not eternal, it has a cause that is. That cause is living and made the universe intelligible, making science possible.

So you're saying sources that agree that God exists are not worth listening to because they have that bias? Religion is beyond logic, but not contrary to logic.

The point is you should look at reality independently of your prior bias or upbringing. Otherwise you will be trapped in an echo chamber.

It seems unlikely that miracles don't happen. For example secular journalists coming to mock a miracle end up claiming the miracle of the sun at Fatima really happened, and my understanding of human nature compels me to believe that they really saw something.

https://www.newadvent.org/cathen/10338a.htm

Most people do not understand critical thinking and end up making category errors but that doesn't mean religion itself is wrong.

JasonCarswell · 2023-04-15T19:04:39+00:00

What makes you think this universal is eternal?

I didn't say that.

Like I said before you should research the resurrection without being biased by what you already believe.

What research sources must be trusted to validate your research. I don't trust any religious sources because it simply defies logic.

Just because you believe something doesn’t mean reality has to agree with you.

Exactly. Additionally, adding religious nonsense on top of reality defies logic.

Too many people start with a prior belief that miracles are impossible and don’t investigate further.

IFIFY:
Too many people start with a belief that miracles are possible and don’t apply logic.

Further, people use the word "miracle" in ambiguous bullshit ways. "Every baby born is a miracle." No they are NOT. They are common place, as the population of billions can attest. By definition miracles have to be rare and defy explanation. Without a time machine we cannot verify to know for certain anything from history and/or myth.

koan · 2023-04-14T10:45:33+00:00

What makes you think this universal is eternal?

Like I said before you should research the resurrection without being biased by what you already believe. Just because you believe something doesn’t mean reality has to agree with you. Too many people start with a prior belief that miracles are impossible and don’t investigate further.

JasonCarswell · 2023-04-13T22:34:27+00:00

There is no reason the Creator cannot do this.

There is no reason to believe we have or needed a creator.

koan · 2023-04-13T10:57:20+00:00

Not all made up. The demons all around us pretend to be gods.

On the other hand the credibility of Christianity mainly requires an answer to one question: did this historical person, Jesus, really rise from the dead? The answer you should investigate with an open mind rather than assuming an answer based on prior biases. There is no reason the Creator cannot do this. The devil is not God so all he could do is magic tricks and deceptions, being an angel and not the source of life.

JasonCarswell · 2022-12-04T15:43:23+00:00

Show me a miracle witnessed by a million people, performed by another.

It was a miracle: Biden won the 2020 election.

Loser.

You are absolutely correct. By your pure demonstrable wisdom in a compelling case of name-calling I've been humbly shamed into obedience to a higher authority and now repent and accept my Lord and Savior Jesus H Christ into my life. I once was lost but now am saved.

iamonlyoneman · 2022-12-04T03:52:50+00:00

Yes actually. Show me a miracle witnessed by a million people, performed by another. Loser.

jet199 · 2022-10-17T08:12:44+00:00

Blacks and latinos are going to take over.

Christianity will disappear

Pick one

HelloCruelWorld · 2022-08-02T20:48:38+00:00

Atheism isn’t a religion

Spreadit · 2022-06-19T08:53:25+00:00

Having an imaginary friend as an adult is more faggoty bullshit than being real and not falling for the delusions written in retard books.

BadumTsh101 · 2022-01-30T16:25:35+00:00

Honestly I think all religious people pick and choose what they like from religious texts. I kinda doubt most modern Christians (including me, though I've been working through it) have even read the whole Bible.

usehername · 2021-12-31T05:02:53+00:00

It's sort of embarrassing for you how you pretend to care about stopping transsexualism, yet your post history where you embrace homophobia and tell transsexuals to kill themselves is visible to all.

jet199 · 2021-12-30T23:43:28+00:00

They have too much spare time to think about things which are actually unimportant and you can do nothing about.

If you are out partying from the ages of 13-25 you aren't going to be worrying about god existing or not.

IkeConn · 2021-12-29T19:10:33+00:00

I am not a midwit soy faggot.

IkeConn · 2021-11-01T03:19:49+00:00

I'm glad electical plugs and sockets aren't gender fluid.

fschmidt · 2020-12-06T06:26:03+00:00

Yes, this explains why America is dying.

fschmidt · 2020-12-06T06:23:47+00:00

The Pastafarians have been replaced by the Covidians, and they have implemented a Covidian theocracy.

fschmidt · 2020-12-06T03:18:07+00:00

Only autists and fundamentalists take Genesis literally.

fschmidt · 2020-12-06T03:14:13+00:00

I don't know what this comment relates to. I didn't express any opinion on Christianity, and in fact I used Isaac Newton, a Christian, as an example of a monotheist.

fschmidt · 2020-12-05T04:53:04+00:00

All "God" has to do to prove that he is real is show his face. But he cannot do that if he does not exist.

God doesn't have a literal face.

Yes, "God" deserves whoreship for sacrificing himself to himself to save us from himself because of a rule he made himself. "God" is a nut job.

That's Christianity. I follow the Old Testament.

I was really turned off there and wanted to stop reading, but went for it anyways. If you ask two people who claim believe in the same god, you will soon realize that they do not follow the same god. Why does "God" always want exactly what I want?

Any word or concept will vary slightly in meaning between people. What matters is the essence of the idea. In the case of God, I described the essence as having the characteristics I listed. The test of this is whether other believers in God recognize my concept of God as valid. And they do. I attended my local conservative mosque for years before the local communists (Texas government) shut it down, and the Muslims there all accepted my view of God.

fschmidt · 2020-12-05T04:46:28+00:00

So, let me get this straight: You think that we (atheists) are autistic for not believing in a fictional character?

No, they are autistic for seeking to name every discrepancy in the Bible, and thinking this matters.

Do you believe that homosexuality and/or incest is okay?

Homosexuality is fine and is not condemned in the Old Testament. The translations from Hebrew are just wrong as I can explain if you want. But incest is bad because of genetic risks (recessive genes).

fschmidt · 2020-12-05T04:38:38+00:00

Luan doesn't have packages and this is intentional for 2 reasons.

First, Python is a stand-alone language so libraries are written in Python. Luan depends on Java. So libraries are never written in Luan. Libraries are written in Java. Luan is purely an application programming language.

The other reason for packages is big application. I have experience developing big applications and I hate them. Managing them is a nightmare. My solution is to break up a big application into smaller cooperating applications that call each other. Each small application is its own program owned by one programmer. The small apps call each other but don't trust each other so that if one app fails, the others keep working. This means programmers are totally responsible for their own app and can release whenever they want. So no bureaucracy. Luan is designed for this approach, so no need for packages here.

fschmidt · 2020-12-05T03:41:59+00:00

That may be true. But Luan is trivial to learn. Anyway, I will just wait and see.

fschmidt · 2020-12-05T01:26:54+00:00

Yes, demonstrating that atheists are autistic.

The Old Testament (which I follow) actually intentionally presents conflicting points of view in an attempt to avoid group-think.

fschmidt · 2020-12-05T01:20:59+00:00

I asked for the forum software to be written in Luan, not Java. In Luan, the Python print statement works fine.

Regarding your username, let me assure you that you are not God regardless of Diogenes's views.

JasonCarswell · 2020-12-04T21:37:10+00:00

It's not about the language or the software. It's about the database.

old-Reddit is not easy to shift around (or so M7D3 say) and the CSS makes it clear that it's very janky.

JasonCarswell · 2020-12-04T05:24:40+00:00

I know nothing about forum software. I knew a bit about wiki packages 16 years ago. I've never delved into forums before SaidIt other than Quora (lame) and QxR (great, with room for improvements).

I know less about languages. A language switch would be difficult for M7 and D3 but IMO, limited as it is, the important part is the database migration. They have backups, and of course it's backed up on NotABug. I'm guessing it's not as simple as copying text documents into Word or Excel documents - but I'm also guessing it's not rocket surgery. But on the up side if we migrated to a well-supported forum platform there'd be lots of help, modules, etc. - perhaps even an interface skin to make it look like Reddit/SaidIt.

JasonCarswell · 2020-12-04T04:07:09+00:00

They're very useful - if people use them.

I always note them in the sidebox - if people read them.

I just noted it to save someone a click. Many wikis are possible, but few have even bothered to save the first page. A thousand mile journey starts with one step.

When I return in the spring I intend to mirror/migrate most of the SaidIt and all of my InfoGalactic stuff to WikiSpooks to further build upon with a better platform and an admin who's responsive (unlike the zombies at Infogalactic). IMO they are the best resource that SaidIt doesn't know it has, and vice versa. I suspect SaidIt would do better with a different forum software, though I have no idea what are available nor what strengths they may have.

JasonCarswell · 2020-12-04T03:55:28+00:00

The https://saidit.net/wiki/index#wiki_wiki_list is not automatic. They are all added by hand.

I see revision by diogenesjunior— 1 month ago.

I wasn't aware of those wikis. The RSAW and Linux wikis are added. I make most subs with wiki ability, though don't bother to make any anymore.

JasonCarswell · 2020-11-30T22:33:15+00:00

That's Greek to me. I'm guessing I picked that up in conversations or d3rr added it.

M7 can use some help now that d3rr has pulled way back.

I'm not a fan of their security system. Sometimes I'm locked out for 8 hours or 24+ hours at a time. For the last month I've had a DSL and fiber line to use so that helps a bit when that happens.

We never did finish that wiki-based project laid out there. The idea was to survey the SaidIt community on which features they wanted to be the top 3 so they could just focus on a few at a time - ideally a balance of small, medium, and long term projects to always be making progress on. They never shared their roadmap or ambitions and such, so it's all just meh. Fuck the future. Live for today. Hope for the best. Meh. (My projects are open and transparent and ambitious - if I could focus.)

Also, FYI, at the bottom of every SaidIt page is the FAQ which includes a site-map of all the wiki pages that I know of.

JasonCarswell · 2020-11-30T17:36:50+00:00

Exactly.

I've got ideas for miles. From over a year ago: https://SaidIt.net/s/IdeasForSaidIt/wiki/index I've pretty much given up on SaidIt wikis as few folks use them. Same with the community - for now. Most people here are into just taking in the news, not making up a community. In the spring I'll be building much on WikiSpooks and trying to cross communities and foster better means to do so, including online merch.

The ideas range from stupid to simply brilliant, but none are worth a byte until someone can code them. There are not enough old-Reddit coders working on these FLOSS forums.

IMO, we ought to find a well-supported FLOSS forum with endless modules, including skin preferences so that we can re-skin our forum with a Reddit-style interface or build a custom module to do that. Personally I don't give a shit about the Reddit-style, but I know it will be beneficial to those who migrate from Reddit and clones. Also critical would be 2 other things: federation ability and import database ability - perhaps requiring some custom coding that would be beneficial to all the extant Reddit-clones if/when they decide to migrate their forum platform.

If we were to ever start up a new forum I would insist on first outlining all the plans and rules before we migrate, including a clear and open roadmap with goals and plans for the future. Top of my list would be to take away user's ability to just create subs and replace them with a democratic process where you ask to create a community, topical, feed, or bot sub (perhaps other top-level forms too). A discussion would be held to find the best title, categorization, etc. These categories should be much like the Wikipedia category hierarchies. I'd like metatags to be applied by the OP as well as users, both with corrective measures for reasons (vague I know, but this is a whole big thing). With these "sorting" abilities the forum becomes soooooo much more than just a forum, but can also be a searchable (also critically needed) research tool - perhaps with the ability for coders to tie into other research tools like WikiSpooks with a "related articles and discussions" field or something.

If these tools become too powerful TPTB will try to stomp us so we need to have major defenses in addition to federating, etc.

I can dream.

JasonCarswell · 2020-11-29T23:14:22+00:00

A lot of new subs are stupid. A lot of new subs are redundant. (Satanism could be covered in Religion.) IMO we needed metatags, categorization, and/or some kind of organization - a couple years ago.

Sub chaos reigns and what could have been has passed, but there's still hope with some bot or hand-crafted publicity or both.

In the new year I'm going to try to dev some crossover projects with SaidIt and WikiSpooks.

JasonCarswell · 2020-11-29T23:09:27+00:00

He has balls, but a different kind of meatballs.

hennaojichan · 2020-11-29T08:24:11+00:00

I said that two months ago but still haven't changed my mind. I will not get any vaccine for a non-existent disease, whether it is backed by Gates or not. Covid is a hoax and an excuse to shoot various chemicals into our bodies. No thanks.

AnarchySpeach · 2020-11-29T08:10:29+00:00

getting Kill Gates' brew

Good news. There are several different vaccines now in production. Avoid the ones Gates endorses (and is getting money from) and you should be fine.

JasonCarswell · 2020-11-28T19:42:23+00:00

Do as thou wilt like a flower.

JasonCarswell · 2020-11-28T19:39:16+00:00

I like the one something like: "If God doesn't exist then who puts the meteors in all the craters?"

Popper · 2020-11-22T01:51:55+00:00

yeah they don't say man can be god just that it doesn't matter

Popper · 2020-11-21T19:35:54+00:00

as a freemason, I know the bible is just symbolism. And contradictions are part of that symbolism. The word 'is' can mean many things including 'is not'. How can one be a man and a god at the same time, seems like a contradiction, well the bible basically teaches anything is possible.

Three_oneFour · 2020-11-21T04:07:56+00:00

But it can still be quite helpful during debate to be knowledgable about what you're going against

GaiusHelenMohiam · 2020-11-20T20:32:17+00:00

Poor Earl. Now he has to go back to running for sheriff every four years.

Popper · 2020-11-20T19:30:00+00:00

just that magic doesn't exist

JasonCarswell · 2020-11-20T18:15:39+00:00

That's not how atheism works.

Knowing about something is not a requirement of not-believing in it.

Mental · 2020-11-20T13:57:13+00:00

https://www.answering-christianity.com/101_bible_contradictions.htm

magnora7 · 2020-11-18T21:42:33+00:00

Thanks. It's one of those ideas that seems more and more true the more I think about it. It just makes sense.

magnora7 · 2020-11-18T18:08:50+00:00

I think "God" just means "Universe". I agree heaven and hell are used to manipulate, but also they're goals worth seeking, as we do create our own mindstates over time, and it's better to be in a nice one, and there are techniques for getting there. But that's sort of a Buddhist perspective on Christianity I suppose, but lots of Christians think this way too

Tom_Bombadil · 2020-11-18T06:51:18+00:00

Hell is the ultimate deterrent an eternity of pain and suffering.

My idea of hell would be eternal shame and regret.

Especially, if I knew the victims had forgiven me.

The never ending psychic pressure of recognizing that you will never have the opportunity to make it up to them.

If reincarnation exists, then enlightenment means you completed the game of life with a satisfying ending.
Not perfect, but acceptable.

Everyone else would have various interests in playing another round for a better score.

The ultimate goal:. The privilege of resting in peace.

The greatest honor: Raising children who didn't need a second round.

magnora7 · 2020-11-18T03:16:04+00:00

Hell and Heaven are states of minds that we cultivate through our thoughts, words, actions, and how we treat others. If you look at it that way, the concepts of Heaven and Hell make a lot more sense.

C3P0 · 2020-11-04T08:14:56+00:00

Whoops.

boeing737 · 2020-11-03T09:16:20+00:00

Happy Hanukkah

C3P0 · 2020-11-03T06:34:04+00:00

Atheists are allowed to say god, gods, or whatever.

hennaojichan · 2020-09-15T00:55:16+00:00

Everyone should reject the Cough-19 vaccine since it will alter your DNA and do who-knows-what else. I am not a Jehovah's Witness but I will die before getting Kill Gates' brew. Did you ever consider that with that username, you are also in a cult?

Red23 · 2020-09-14T18:29:02+00:00

But why the long face?

jet199 · 2020-09-14T18:22:32+00:00

Not just according to him.

It's in their founding documents.

jet199 · 2020-09-14T18:21:23+00:00

No one hates on non binary people because you can't hate something which doesn't exist.

If he believes in genderwoo you shouldn't be surprised he believes in all sorts of other nonsense too.

jet199 · 2020-09-14T18:13:52+00:00

Desperate Dan 2020

SmallPP · 2020-09-14T16:35:15+00:00

dude what the fuck

automoderator · 2020-09-14T14:10:32+00:00

Sorry, /u/diogenesjunior. Your submission has been removed due to violating rule 1: No trolling.

I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this sub if you have any questions or concerns.

automoderator · 2020-09-14T13:56:42+00:00

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Obiden_Bama · 2020-03-13T15:35:17+00:00

That's one of the best Jesus memes lol.

FormosaOolong · 2020-01-17T20:27:23+00:00

Here's a direct link to the ad: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7INIhD9P0Pw

Tiwaking · 2020-01-07T05:58:34+00:00

Im here Im here!

OCNoob1 · 2019-09-09T06:25:34+00:00

Because social media hasn't told them to be outraged by it.

FloydPinkerton · 2019-08-02T04:42:14+00:00

Au contraire, wide-spread beliefs turn into laws that affect all of us. You're right that spending energy hating is a waste of time, unless you do something about it. Hate drives change.

OP: Learn "Street Epistemology" if you want to help religious people start questioning their beliefs.

FloydPinkerton · 2019-08-02T04:23:11+00:00

I'm not an expert on stigmata, but the way I think about it, and other magical claims is this:

Is it more likely that [magic thing happened] or that a human 1) made it up, or 2) misrepresents the truth either willfully or by deception, or 3) hallucinations.

Keep in mind that 1, 2, and 3 happen all the time, and that's verifiable. Magic has happened exactly zero times under controlled conditions.

This is not influenced by atheism, it's influenced only by reason and logic. The fact that I'm an atheist has no bearing on my epistemology. Think of a god you don't believe in, say, Zeus. How does your disbelief in him affect your decision making? Do you go to non-belief of Zeus meetings? What are the tenets?

Atheism doesn't tell us how to think. It's just a rejection of claims that gods exist.

So the question is, what do you think of stigmata, and why? Where is the evidence such a thing isn't some sort of fuckery?

Krempsmith · 2019-06-12T13:20:39+00:00

I know your post is a joke, but I always had felt like that was taking the Lord's name in vain.

wendolynne · 2019-06-08T21:17:01+00:00

I wouldn 't spend too much energy hating. For the most part, the stuff the theists choose to believe doesn't make a bit of difference.

papiersackratte · 2019-04-20T20:38:40+00:00

That's bad and enjoying the deus vult meme is also not possible :/. Jokes aside, you don't need be religously atheistic to be an atheist and you can still enjoy christian culture even though you're an atheist.

magnora7 · 2018-11-18T22:16:43+00:00

Someone should make a comic "Calvinism and Hobbes"

Mnemonic · 2018-11-13T14:39:16+00:00

*Institutionalized Religion.

He basically rants against the Church like Jesus did against the Temples.

It was a nice wake up call for America because their Churches are only bested in crazyness by a few extremist branches around the world. And I can see why he calls it religion in general because 'institutionalized religion' is too easily associated with the Churches and, like he says, they have a lot of money to sue.

Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told.

This holds much truth as it's the telling part that should be gone. Also it figures he goes off on a rant more specifically towards the Sand-trilogy (aka the Abrahamitic religions) and leaves out the (for example) various Native American ones, Eastern ones and European ones before the Romans came with their weird version of the Christ.

For example most 'Gnostic' - branches (Christian-like or not) would have this rant hung like a declaration of independence in their (if they have one) worship area.

The main appeal of atheism is the Institutionalized Relgion's tendencies to dictate what's right/wrong from books and higher authorities (I don't mean God, because that's the book, but clergy people dictating) and enforce it through mob and/or governments. While funny enough even the most extreme 'truth enforcing' religions do have a saying/quote somewhere in their many texts about the dangers of books, texts, stories and the way they DO NOT relate to current events.

RavAshi · 2018-11-13T10:52:49+00:00

Transcript:

When it comes to bullshit, big-time, major league bullshit, you have to stand in awe of the all-time champion of false promises and exaggerated claims, religion. No contest. No contest. Religion. Religion easily has the greatest bullshit story ever told. Think about it. Religion has actually convinced people that there's an invisible man living in the sky who watches everything you do, every minute of every day. And the invisible man has a special list of ten things he does not want you to do. And if you do any of these ten things, he has a special place, full of fire and smoke and burning and torture and anguish, where he will send you to live and suffer and burn and choke and scream and cry forever and ever 'til the end of time!

But He loves you. He loves you, and He needs money! He always needs money! He's all-powerful, all-perfect, all-knowing, and all-wise, somehow just can't handle money! Religion takes in billions of dollars, they pay no taxes, and they always need a little more. Now, you talk about a good bullshit story. Holy Shit!

But I want you to know something, this is sincere, I want you to know, when it comes to believing in God, I really tried. I really, really tried. I tried to believe that there is a God, who created each of us in His own image and likeness, loves us very much, and keeps a close eye on things. I really tried to believe that, but I gotta tell you, the longer you live, the more you look around, the more you realize, something is fucked up.

Something is wrong here. War, disease, death, destruction, hunger, filth, poverty, torture, crime, corruption, and the Ice Capades. Something is definitely wrong. This is not good work. If this is the best God can do, I am not impressed. Results like these do not belong on the résumé of a Supreme Being. This is the kind of shit you'd expect from an office temp with a bad attitude. And just between you and me, in any decently-run universe, this guy would've been out on his all-powerful ass a long time ago. And by the way, I say "this guy", because I firmly believe, looking at these results, that if there is a God, it has to be a man.

No woman could or would ever fuck things up like this. So, if there is a God, I think most reasonable people might agree that he's at least incompetent, and maybe, just maybe, doesn't give a shit. Doesn't give a shit, which I admire in a person, and which would explain a lot of these bad results.

So rather than be just another mindless religious robot, mindlessly and aimlessly and blindly believing that all of this is in the hands of some spooky incompetent father figure who doesn't give a shit, I decided to look around for something else to worship. Something I could really count on.

And immediately, I thought of the sun. Happened like that. Overnight I became a sun-worshipper. Well, not overnight, you can't see the sun at night. But first thing the next morning, I became a sun-worshipper. Several reasons. First of all, I can see the sun, okay? Unlike some other gods I could mention, I can actually see the sun. I'm big on that. If I can see something, I don't know, it kind of helps the credibility along, you know? So everyday I can see the sun, as it gives me everything I need; heat, light, food, flowers in the park, reflections on the lake, an occasional skin cancer, but hey. At least there are no crucifixions, and we're not setting people on fire simply because they don't agree with us.

Sun worship is fairly simple. There's no mystery, no miracles, no pageantry, no one asks for money, there are no songs to learn, and we don't have a special building where we all gather once a week to compare clothing. And the best thing about the sun, it never tells me I'm unworthy. Doesn't tell me I'm a bad person who needs to be saved. Hasn't said an unkind word. Treats me fine. So, I worship the sun. But, I don't pray to the sun. Know why? I wouldn't presume on our friendship. It's not polite.

I've often thought people treat God rather rudely, don't you? Asking trillions and trillions of prayers every day. Asking and pleading and begging for favors. Do this, gimme that, I need a new car, I want a better job. And most of this praying takes place on Sunday His day off. It's not nice. And it's no way to treat a friend.

But people do pray, and they pray for a lot of different things, you know, your sister needs an operation on her crotch, your brother was arrested for defecating in a mall. But most of all, you'd really like to fuck that hot little redhead down at the convenience store. You know, the one with the eyepatch and the clubfoot? Can you pray for that? I think you'd have to. And I say, fine. Pray for anything you want. Pray for anything, but what about the Divine Plan?

Remember that? The Divine Plan. Long time ago, God made a Divine Plan. Gave it a lot of thought, decided it was a good plan, put it into practice. And for billions and billions of years, the Divine Plan has been doing just fine. Now, you come along, and pray for something. Well suppose the thing you want isn't in God's Divine Plan? What do you want Him to do? Change His plan? Just for you? Doesn't it seem a little arrogant? It's a Divine Plan. What's the use of being God if every run-down shmuck with a two-dollar prayerbook can come along and fuck up Your Plan?

And here's something else, another problem you might have: Suppose your prayers aren't answered. What do you say? "Well, it's God's will." "Thy Will Be Done." Fine, but if it's God's will, and He's going to do what He wants to anyway, why the fuck bother praying in the first place? Seems like a big waste of time to me! Couldn't you just skip the praying part and go right to His Will? It's all very confusing.

So to get around a lot of this, I decided to worship the sun. But, as I said, I don't pray to the sun. You know who I pray to? Joe Pesci. Two reasons: First of all, I think he's a good actor, okay? To me, that counts. Second, he looks like a guy who can get things done. Joe Pesci doesn't fuck around. In fact, Joe Pesci came through on a couple of things that God was having trouble with.

For years I asked God to do something about my noisy neighbor with the barking dog, Joe Pesci straightened that cocksucker out with one visit. It's amazing what you can accomplish with a simple baseball bat.

So I've been praying to Joe for about a year now. And I noticed something. I noticed that all the prayers I used to offer to God, and all the prayers I now offer to Joe Pesci, are being answered at about the same 50% rate. Half the time I get what I want, half the time I don't. Same as God, 50-50. Same as the four-leaf clover and the horseshoe, the wishing well and the rabbit's foot, same as the Mojo Man, same as the Voodoo Lady who tells you your fortune by squeezing the goat's testicles, it's all the same: 50-50. So just pick your superstition, sit back, make a wish, and enjoy yourself.

And for those of you who look to The Bible for moral lessons and literary qualities, I might suggest a couple of other stories for you. You might want to look at the Three Little Pigs, that's a good one. Has a nice happy ending, I'm sure you'll like that. Then there's Little Red Riding Hood, although it does have that X-rated part where the Big Bad Wolf actually eats the grandmother. Which I didn't care for, by the way. And finally, I've always drawn a great deal of moral comfort from Humpty Dumpty. The part I like the best? "All the king's horses and all the king's men couldn't put Humpty Dumpty back together again." That's because there is no Humpty Dumpty, and there is no God. None, not one, no God, never was.

In fact, I'm gonna put it this way. If there is a God, may he strike this audience dead! See? Nothing happened. Nothing happened? Everybody's okay? All right, tell you what, I'll raise the stakes a little bit. If there is a God, may he strike me dead. See? Nothing happened, oh, wait, I've got a little cramp in my leg. And my balls hurt. Plus, I'm blind. I'm blind, oh, now I'm okay again, must have been Joe Pesci, huh? God Bless Joe Pesci. Thank you all very much. Joe Bless You!

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