Leaked: Democrat Convention 2024 To Announce They'll Be Folding In With The GOP
Anonymous sources familiar with unnamed intelligence sources have confirmed that a leaked memo indicates that at the next Democratic Convention in 2024 they will fold in the towel, admit that they've been controlled by the CIA for decades, and simply merge with the GOP. Giant corporation executives are all sighing with relief now that they'll no longer have to distract themselves with the burden of domestic politics, not to mention the billions they'll save in campaign donations for political favors.
"When America becomes an efficient totalitarian tyranny we'll finally have the freedom we've been fight for," confessed an unnamed coked-up billionaire having a massage by some very young women beside his vanishing pool overlooking one of the many valleys he owns. He continued, "The entire scam is a completely inefficient waste of resources on that ineffectual voting ritual for the plebs. Most will be dead soon enough anyway, either from my buddy
Bill's vaccines, or our fleet of giant killer robots that will be unleashed over the next term on Afghanistan, Iraq, Iran, Syria, Lebanon, Jordan, Yemen, Chad, Azerbaijan, Bhutan, Myanmar, Taiwan, Timor-Leste, Staten Island, and of course Austin, Texas. I'm sure I've forgotten a dozen or more but those are the main ones." High up contacts at the Pentagon have verified that these plans are legit and that the unnamed billionaire is also legit stoned and will soon "commit suicide" deeply regretting his loose lips.
Other billionaires are not so sure they can pull it all off so quickly. Executives of the new Disney Info-tainment Formation Group are still hammering out a "fair" contract with the other 4 mainstream media monopolies (AT&T, Comcast, Fox, ViacomCBS), plus the single pornography monopoly (MindGeek), to stand under their umbrella. "Oy vey, the new Dis-In-Formation Group will have chutzpah like nothing we've ever seen before. Except in China," said one media tycoon, "it's so meshuga how little tsuris this will be, but only if the vaccines work - which means we have a lot of MK work to do first. I'll spare you the megillah. Nu, it's like which came first the schmaltz or the egg? Both isn't kosher. I get verklempt and naches talking about it. Listen to me, I sound like a kvelling schnorrer ganef."
At that point the interview was cut short upon arrival of his high level accountants returning with some orders from the Bank of International Settlements, along with their bodyguards who abruptly escorted this humble unconscious journalist into the river tied neatly with my hands and feet to some breezeblocks. Fortunately my hands were able to reach the spare pens I kept in my sock in these hot shorts and T-shirt weather, so I was fortunately able to unbind myself and share this wondrous news with you from the hospital.
Image source article.
The BabylonBee may be censored, but we don't have to be (yet). Maybe you like this, maybe you can do better. There's already a /s/Onion and /s/NotTheOnion, so maybe someone can create /s/BabylonBee, /s/TheOnion, and/or /s/ParodyNews - assuming anyone has interest in generating our own parody content.
Also, donate to https://WikiSpooks.com! They/we need funding help to sustain their/our indie beacon of truth. Also, donate to SaidIt too!