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[–]Suicdsolo[S] 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (7 children)

Maybe some of you have tips or tricks to help

[–]JasonCarswell 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (6 children)

Interesting idea.

I wonder if there's more good that can be gained from it too.

When I was suicidal I had all sorts of ideas, including doing some good. Take out myself and an evil politician - but a thousand will be ready to take their place so that was null. Before my death to mow down a handfull of school kids on recess to protest the drone bombing of THOUSANDS of innocent kids in distant lands - but the whole thing would be flipped in the media and whatever media and platforms I would try to communicate on would be suppressed. So many ideas just seemed as futile as life itself.

The best I can come up with is to somehow curse the ruling class as best you can. Whether it's some woo they believe in or with some damning evidence, like a video of Bill Gates molesting you when you were a kid.

[–]Suicdsolo[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

You know what you talk about. I like this. I wait since i m 6, the meds help but the idea is there, nothing can change it, because i live the best live a person like me can live. All i want are videogames,good parents , luck , food i like. I have everything. But this just exists so that i don t need to be bored and suffer during the time i wait to find a gun, or be on a tall building

[–]JasonCarswell 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

Indeed I do. I have suffered more than most people can even imagine. I also knew that it could be worse if not done properly. That's why I survived several times, ultimately unharmed. Do it right or not at all.

Back then I didn't know how to do it "correctly". Since then I've made sure to properly learn about some. Too much of the Internet is full of "don't do it", "seek help", etc. and that is ultimately more dangerous and creates more broken survivors, IMO.

Even jumping from a building unfortunately doesn't guarantee a clean quick death. (Watch the excellent movie "In Bruges".)

I also dreamed up ways to kill myself cleanly and hide the body and all traces, ideally in an environmentally friendly way. But they were always too complex, too much effort, and/or way out of my means. And obtaining a gun in Canada while on mental health disability is more than a problem, even on the dark net.

People talk about how there's so much to live for - love, family, God, etc. Bullshit. My ex dumped me, for legit reasons brought on from my doctors' poisons. I lost my career, my limited wealth, much of my lifelong precious belongings, etc. My family are turds of all sorts and not close. Fuck God. There was ONLY one thing that kept me alive... curiosity. I was curious about how Star Wars would turn out (shit), the Marvel Universe, politics, history, science, etc. I wouldn't have made it except for the Internet, and at that time I could barely surf but a few sites by routine.

It's taken about 6 years to get back to 90% of where I was mentally, while physically and financially and romantically I'm for shit. Last time I got laid was in Obama's first term. But my curiosity lead me to explore conspiracy analysis deeply where otherwise I would have only been a skeptic of some things not seeing the greater contextual matrix. That truth-seeking led me to SaidIt and with this knowledge I can write a more powerful story (in progress). While I spend/waste most of my time still distracted by SaidIt and stuff, my story is my ONLY purpose in life. After that, I have other less-critically-important stories I've started too, as well as maybe branching out to other fields, assuming I can muster a team to keep me on track, focused, and motivated.

Maybe there's a story in you? Where do you find meaning, purpose, and goodness? Even if it doesn't actually reach you now, maybe there's a way to tap into it, collect it, and creatively re-present it in new inspiring and productive ways. That's what I'm trying to do. If I aim high and fall short, it's still up there. Maybe my story will be shit, but I really doubt it.

[–]Suicdsolo[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

Ou where super unlucky, it s good that something got bether. I wish you a lot of lusk in life. Unfortunately i don t have a story. I just came up with the idea of dying one day. And now i want it more every day. I m not curious, bcause if i m dead i wont be able to miss or want some thing. So it wouldn t matter if i miss a marvel movie. In they nothing matters. It s just the human brain who creates this so that we stay alive. Working fot money that hobbys , eating and repeating. It just a distraction. Things matter because people want them to matter. But if you die all this looses the matter. And the only thing making a human death sad is the people who will be sad. But the person who died lost nothing and feels nothing anymore. Sorry for my bad English, it only my 2nd year of learning it

[–]JasonCarswell 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

I understand your existential angst.

I agree with you in that nothing really means anything. Except when we make it mean something.

Where do we find the will to make meaning? Besides scarcity, I can't say, and even scarcity only applies when certain subjective labels are applied.

IMO, death is not sad. I find it tragic only when life is stolen, and terribly tragic when people suffer. And suffering includes those who feel nothing, which I might argue is the worst kind of torture. To exist for nothing is painfully tedious.

Beyond telling you that your English is exceptional for your second year, I don't know how to comfort you - other than to recommend looking into these 3 topics:

  • Existentialism - the only philosophy that makes sense to me
  • Zen Buddhism - especially about nothingness and suffering
  • Dr. Gabor Maté - the only doctor I've seen who understood depression

[–]Suicdsolo[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Ok i will try

[–]JasonCarswell 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I hope you do. Not for me, but for yourself. I wish I could help more.