Indeed I do. I have suffered more than most people can even imagine. I also knew that it could be worse if not done properly. That's why I survived several times, ultimately unharmed. Do it right or not at all.

Back then I didn't know how to do it "correctly". Since then I've made sure to properly learn about some. Too much of the Internet is full of "don't do it", "seek help", etc. and that is ultimately more dangerous and creates more broken survivors, IMO.

Even jumping from a building unfortunately doesn't guarantee a clean quick death. (Watch the excellent movie "In Bruges".)

I also dreamed up ways to kill myself cleanly and hide the body and all traces, ideally in an environmentally friendly way. But they were always too complex, too much effort, and/or way out of my means. And obtaining a gun in Canada while on mental health disability is more than a problem, even on the dark net.

People talk about how there's so much to live for - love, family, God, etc. Bullshit. My ex dumped me, for legit reasons brought on from my doctors' poisons. I lost my career, my limited wealth, much of my lifelong precious belongings, etc. My family are turds of all sorts and not close. Fuck God. There was ONLY one thing that kept me alive... curiosity. I was curious about how Star Wars would turn out (shit), the Marvel Universe, politics, history, science, etc. I wouldn't have made it except for the Internet, and at that time I could barely surf but a few sites by routine.

It's taken about 6 years to get back to 90% of where I was mentally, while physically and financially and romantically I'm for shit. Last time I got laid was in Obama's first term. But my curiosity lead me to explore conspiracy analysis deeply where otherwise I would have only been a skeptic of some things not seeing the greater contextual matrix. That truth-seeking led me to SaidIt and with this knowledge I can write a more powerful story (in progress). While I spend/waste most of my time still distracted by SaidIt and stuff, my story is my ONLY purpose in life. After that, I have other less-critically-important stories I've started too, as well as maybe branching out to other fields, assuming I can muster a team to keep me on track, focused, and motivated.

Maybe there's a story in you? Where do you find meaning, purpose, and goodness? Even if it doesn't actually reach you now, maybe there's a way to tap into it, collect it, and creatively re-present it in new inspiring and productive ways. That's what I'm trying to do. If I aim high and fall short, it's still up there. Maybe my story will be shit, but I really doubt it.