all 82 comments

[–]slavdude0 9 insightful - 14 fun9 insightful - 13 fun10 insightful - 14 fun -  (0 children)

I'm also asexual and also enjoy sex with your boyfriend.

[–]loubag1997 9 insightful - 6 fun9 insightful - 5 fun10 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

It’s just a placeholder until your boyfriend starts identifying as a girl, so you can be a ‘lesbian’! Gotta get that LGBTQRSTUVWXYZ cred

[–]Alienhunter 7 insightful - 3 fun7 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 3 fun -  (37 children)

They're confused. They think that not thinking about or wanting sex all the time somehow makes them special.

No see, caring about the emotional aspect of the relationship more than the physical aspect doesn't make you aesexual. It just means you aren't a nymphomaniac.

[–]YJaewedwqewq 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (20 children)

Considering the statistics on homosexuals and their partners, not being a nympho freak does make them pretty standout in the "LGBT community".

[–]Alienhunter 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (18 children)

Most people understand that not wanting to have sex with everyone all the time is normal and don't say anything about it. It's only weirdos that want other people to think they are special that think up labels for their normality. It's basically hipsterism.

[–]FlyingKangaroo 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (17 children)

Exactly. That’s also how the term demisexuality was coined, when in reality that was a normal behavior (for anyone who isn’t a nymphomaniac who would have sex with literally anyone without any emotional attachment). Wanting to be special so bad.

[–]Newzok 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (16 children)

All the people I've met who labelled themselves demisexual, nb, pan etc have been autistic types. I have no idea what the connection is but I suspect this shit is a fandom to them.

[–]Alienhunter 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (6 children)

I know someone who is otherwise just a normal girl in a lesbian relationship who described herself as asexual. I don't think either of the girls are sexually active, I think their relationship is better described by normies as BFF forever. Though I don't pry into their intimate lives because it's none of my business. I've gotten then distinct impression both were abused sexually as kids and have a kind of ingrained phobia of men, or rather an ingrained phobia of sex with men if we really want to get into it.

They seem happy enough. I can't fault anything with them besides the identity shit not making sense. But I think it's caused by traumatic childhood experiences. They both strike me as normal straight girls. But again, I'm not going to probe their intimate lives and breach their privacy there so I'm not sure.

[–]Greykittymomma 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

This so much. Many girls want to transition due to sexual pressures from men so I assume pretending to be asexual or gay would happen sometimes too.

They just don't need any special treatment for being sexually fucked up. Everyone is in some way I'm sure.

[–]Alienhunter 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I've heard from more than one girl that they are disgusted by the fact that men find them physically attractive and they seem to think all other women think the same as they do.

It seems bizzare to me. Most women I think like to be considered beautiful. I can only assume there's some kind of underlying traumatic sexual experience.

[–]Greykittymomma 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Absolutely!

[–]jet199 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

Not having sex is pretty standard in long term lesbian relationship though.

[–]Alienhunter 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I mean it's not unusual in straight relationships long term either. Sexless marriages are a thing. Don't think it's an exclusively lesbian issue. Think it's more a female sex drive thing.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

, I think their relationship is better described by normies as BFF forever

That's typical of lesbians, they know it too.

I've gotten then distinct impression both were abused sexually as kids and have a kind of ingrained phobia of men, or rather an ingrained phobia of sex with men if we really want to get into it.

I refer to them as cock trauma lesbians. It's them, the pixie queers like Ellen, and the butch lesbians who look like Kathy Bates, who pretty much describe all lesbians who aren't just going through a phase in college.

[–]jet199 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

I've seen autistic people say they go through puberty later which I doubt is true.

Maybe they mean they go through the emotional effects of puberty later, in their early twenties, which would make sense of why so many think there is something wrong with them when all their friends the same age are going crazy trying to get a boy/girlfriend.

[–]Newzok 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hmm delayed adolescence. I had that a bit, due to being a closet case until my early 20s. Lots of shit to explore that most get out of their system in their teens. Might be plausible, yeah. And identity is certainly part of that. But I still think that for them, identity gets taken to this place that doesn't quite add up but seems similar to the rest- possibly because of some implicit or emotional aspect of these things going completely unnoticed.

[–]ClassroomPast6178Problematising the things you love. 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Doesn’t need autism for that, helicopter parenting will delay maturity in teens used to being driven about and having all their issues handled by mummy.

I bet if they did a demographic analysis of teen girls transing/asexual and they’d find middle to upper middle class families, and a mother who does everything for them. It certainly looks that way when you look at boys being transed as toddlers/tweens.

[–]jet199 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Also being generally geeky will cause you to ignore relationships until later.

Introverts will use all sorts of distractions to avoid social interactions, including learning.

[–]ClassroomPast6178Problematising the things you love. 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Definitely, but geeky types have existed for time immemorial, helicoptered kids are a new invention and would add a layer of explanation for the surge (along with social contagion, internet access etc).

Haidt and Twenge have both talked and written at length about it.

[–]Alienhunter 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah I agree. The rise in helicopter parenting can be attributed to a lot of social problems now. It existed in the past but for various reasons was much less common.

Like most kids are going to get coddled a bit by their mothers usually but there's enough of a dynamic between society, the other parent, family, etc to kinda cull that and get the kid away from it a bit when things go off the rails. Recently though I think with the kind of atomization of society it's become far more prevalent and people don't really step in. Sometimes teenage rebellion will fix it, but some kids seem to remain useless well into their 20's and 30's.

I kinda prefer the term bulldozer parents for these cause it's not just the parents hovering around watching the kids constantly and not letting them make their own mistakes, that's bad enough but at least you're making the kids do shit even if you're treating them like they live in 1984, bulldozer parents just straight up remove the obstacles from their kids way. Kid has a problem at school? Parent fights their battle for them. Adult teenagers Xbox breaks, parents call the company for them. Kid has an issue with their grade in a college class, parent calls the school and fights the grade for them. Kid gets turned down for a job interview? Parent calls the company and complains.

Like goddamn of course your kid is a useless lump and emotional trainwreck.

Like can you imagine what your teenage years would be like if your parents called your date and asked them out for you? Won't be getting very many dates. I'd think these kids would likely end up feeling aesexual. Nothing made me lose interest in someone faster as a teen than my parents meddling.

[–]FlyingKangaroo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

There is also a huge community which is a mix of autistic people being SJWs. Perhaps because SJWs act is if they want to fight for better treatment of autistic but not really. Enough to also say that certain people with diagnoses who speak against the woke stuff are being silenced in any discussions (from what I saw while browsing Reddit and the original TiA).

[–]Alienhunter 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I mean I think it's more that autistic people become fixated on certain things. SJW groups tend to be more outwardly celebratory of such conditions which tbf, autistic people will find welcoming, they do need acceptance as well, and the whole anti-bullying fever will be attractive to socially awkward people who are the target of bullying. Doesn't surprise me.

Course autistic people aren't stupid just lacking in the social graces so there will be plenty of them on the opposite side of the fence as well, but for activist bullshit it's all about language manipulation and double standards and the like which frankly autistic people are not generally so good at navigating adeptly.

Plus the anti-SJW side let's be fair had the "bullies" now a lot of the "bullies" are just typical male bonding behavior of ripping on the other guy because it shows a kind of social acceptance and respect, and you are expected to rip on them back, but this is one of those shall we say tricky double standard and language minefields that autistic people find difficult to navigate as well so it's hard for them when they take things like "Omg you're so retarded" literally instead of the socially acceptable answer of "yeah your mom told me that last night too"

[–]FlyingKangaroo 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, it’s the SJWs that exploit people. Reminds me of how I enraged one girl who was wondering whether she is autistic or not. So far all the specialists denied the possible diagnosis. I mean, autism in women in still not researched enough. But she also had this toxic mentality that being autistic = being perfectly good (as well as not as these evil white cis men). I told her that whether she will finally get a diagnosis or not won’t change anything about her personality. Diagnosis could give new insights about oneself though. I told her that she shouldn’t fetishize autism as if it’s something that makes you better than others and if more than one person claims most likely she isn’t autistic, there’s something to think about. Then she blocked me.

I also agree with the last part of your comment. I can see these bonding patterns too (in men).

[–]FlyingKangaroo 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Also good to note they never belonged to the LGBT, contrary what the woke say.

[–]jet199 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (14 children)

I think it's more an attraction thing. Who you feel sexual attraction to.

It's completely normal for straight women to not find men consciously attractive. In fact often ugly men have more actual sexual pull than cute men because high levels of testosterone make you look like a bag of spanners.

0% of women think any man is in the most attractive category based on looks alone. https://i.imgur.com/hVc9c2a.png

Much like being demisexual, most asexuals are just women who never speak to other women irl and don't read so think every normal female feeling they have must be a super special magic power.

[–]QueenBread 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (13 children)

Excuse me, but this is BULLSHIT. So many men promoting the idea that "the male form is not attractive" or that "men aren't usually considered hot, even by women".... which is 1) egocentic: straight men projecting their own preferences unto women; 2) myosginistic: "women cannot possibly find men hot, especially since they don't find me hot"!

No, buddy, usually women do find men hot and are turned on by hot dudes. And very much "consciously" so. It's natural.

[–]Alienhunter 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

I think it's mostly straight men who think they aren't attractive because duh, if you're a straight man you're not going to be impressed by what you see in the mirror. Lol.

Women do the same thing, I can't being to to tell you how many women have told me they are ugly, too fat, or whatever else, no you're fine, maybe you won't be fashion model but if you think you aren't attractive that's because you're not gay.

[–]QueenBread 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Exactly. The difference being that straight women don't go like "I don't find myself or other women sexy, so that means women aren't sexy in general". But straight men sometimes will go "I don't find myself or other men sexy, so that means men aren't sexy in general". So dumb.

[–]Alienhunter 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I don't know I don't think you have the whole femcel presence that you get on the internet with mancels just cause of sex difference in behavior of who approaches who, but I've had some pretty weird talks with women who are stupid like that. I remember having one argument with a woman who maintained the position that breasts were not sexually attractive and that men were wrong to be sexually attracted to them. Lol ok. Like I think it would be weird for women to be attracted to their own bodies if they were straight, but you're just gonna be like, I don't find it attractive so no one should. Lol. Ok. Let's just ignore what men are interested in who cares what they think. It's not like I'm ever gonna date them I'm straight! Oh wait.

[–]alladd 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

whenever people pull this self-pity shit i always just go "why would someone want to fuck themselves?"

how narcissistic would you have to be to pull a Ciara in the mirror?

[–]Alienhunter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I don't think it's s case of wanting to fuck yourself.

You compare yourself with an idealized image of what you consider to be masculine or feminine and then get depressed because you don't have the body of a porn star and think you are ugly. Which is retarded because you know full well that your standards of others isn't near as strict as that, I hope.

Like I get that girls are worried about being fat and that's good thing, but being a literal toothpick is also unattractive as fuck. People don't wanna fuck someone that looks like a skeleton addicted to cigarettes. Eat some damn meat.

[–]jet199 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That's plain not true.

If I go out in a group with a stick thin friend they will be the one who gets the most attention and the most offers even if her face is like a beak.

It's definitely attractive to a large number of guys for some reason or another.

[–]Alienhunter 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Are we talking stick thin by American standards or stick thin by starving African standards? American thin isn't really that thin, but anorexic thin is pretty unattractive imho. But who knows, I'm not exactly normal.

[–]Wanderingthehalls 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Do people really not find themselves attractive? I like how I look quite a bit. Like I'm not going to wank off to my reflection or anything but I like my natural shape and I like that I generally stay fit enough to look relatively close to my best potential version of myself. I have lots of physical faults and I am well aware that not everyone, or even most people will be attracted to me but overall I genuinely like how I look.

[–]Alienhunter 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Think it's just the subtle difference between having self esteem and narcissism. I have the opposite problem where I don't care enough about my appearance to bother with much. Would be easier to stay in shape if I was disgusted by what I saw so I could use that as motivation to eat better and exercise more. Same reason why casinos don't have mirrors.

[–]Wanderingthehalls 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I used to be like that. I got quite overweight but was still fine with what I looked like so didn't really care. I tend to put fat on very evenly, so I was fat but with a nice enough shape, so not too bothered. I was pretty lucky to fall into a sport that I absolutely love right before middle age. So I started taking care of my body to be the best I can be at that. How I look is secondary to how I perform but I'd be a liar if I said that how I look now doesn't make me happy. And that I don't have a massive sense of relief that I pulled out of my unhealthy habits before menopause fucked up my chances to get myself on track.

[–]jet199 1 insightful - 3 fun1 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

The stats don't lie.

Most women will find some men attractive.

But to say it's on anything like the same level as men finding women attractive is clearly nonsense.

Edit, oh you think I'm a man. Well now you look like an idiot.

So how do you explain all these girls declaring they are asexual or demisexual then and the OK cupid stats?

Stick to the topic.

[–]QueenBread 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Excuse me, what?

[–]LyingSpirit472 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

...why you gotta be oppressive? As an asexual nymphomaniac, you're oppressing our place on the spectrum!

[–]alladd 3 insightful - 4 fun3 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

I'm Asexual too. It means I am sexually number one.

Everyone else is Bsexual or Csexual.

[–]VulptexMy pronouns are the/matrix 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

Yeah, actual asexuals are extremely rare. I am but I don't know of a single other person who is. Sex and mushy relationships still disgust me like they do when you're a little kid. I don't understand this whole "grey ace" thing, it's pretty black and white whether or not you experience sexual attraction.

[–]jet199 6 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

https://theconversation.com/dirty-but-not-down-how-sexual-arousal-can-dampen-disgust-9557

Most people find sex disgusting but sexual arousal lowers disgust levels.

It's a natural defence against screwing ugly people.

And as the incels are finding out it's why good looking guys don't get called creepy as often.

[–]VulptexMy pronouns are the/matrix 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I mean I still look away if I even see people kissing.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 6 fun2 insightful - 5 fun3 insightful - 6 fun -  (0 children)

Or holding hands, those fucking degenerates.

[–]jacques1102 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (29 children)

I honestly question the idea of Asexuality.Like if it even exists then there would have to actually be something biologically wrong.Unlike homosexuality which most would argue about the gay uncle hypothesis,there wouldn't any reason for asexuality to exist.

[–]jet199 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Literally every person I knew who proclaimed themselves asexual at 20 is now married with kids.

And, yes, they were all awkward guys taking computer science.

[–]FlyingKangaroo 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (22 children)

TBH real “asexual” people exist, not every single person wants to have sex in their life and that’s ok. What’s not ok is how they turned it into another orientation where it clearly doesn’t belong in the LGB/LGBTQ.

That being said, there is still some part of people who felt like that term described them - and now if they have enough brain cells, they’re against the queer crowd who tells them to feel oppressed, feel queer, etc. Too bad they’re not heard enough.

And yes, the “asexuals can have sex, watch porn, masturbate!!!” is unfortunately a “valid” stance of some people, perhaps spicy straights/spicy homos/spicy bis but also people brainwashed by the queer propaganda. This is really gross. Anyone who dares to criticize this stance must be bigot, because they don’t know what logic is.

[–]Alienhunter 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (17 children)

I'd do some research into the connection between autism and self described aesexuality personally. I find it somewhat a compelling argument that autistic people don't really have the same cognitive processing as normal people and make decisions and judgements at are not necessarily in line with what most people would consider normal. I've noticed a few that don't seem to get that instinctual understanding of human relationships and don't understand why certain behaviors are sexually acceptable in public and certain are not. And while they certainly don't lack for sexual function I don't know if they are cognitively aware of their own sexual excitement. I think it's a bit like the right hand doesn't know what the left hand is doing.

Also see the opposite in people with down syndrome and the like. Sexual drive works completely normally, cognitive development hasn't quite gotten to the point where they can think "I shouldn't act on my desire to kiss this person".

[–]JerzyZulawski 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (13 children)

I used to be active in the asexual community and have been to 3 asexuality conferences... basically every male asexual I've spoken to is asexual because they have a fetish that's the only thing that turns them on. So a straight asexual guy might have no interest in sex with women because the only activity he enjoys is, say, being trampled by a woman in stilettos, or watching a hot chick pop balloons, or jerking off to a girl wearing a plaster cast. The kink activity takes the place of sex. A lot of guys in the asexual community are like this and closeted - they identify as asexual publicly because they're ashamed of their fetish and/or because it's easier to explain to people. I left the asexual community before the wokeness completely took over and partly because I realized what was going on under the surface (at least on the male side) was unhealthy.

[–]Alienhunter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

Sounds like good old internet porn addiction to me.

[–]JerzyZulawski 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Paraphilias are much deeper and more hard-wired with that. Someone with one wouldn't even look at porn because they would have no interest in sex. They'd look for pictures relating to their kink instead (pictures which may not even be obviously sexual let alone pornographic... e.g. pictures of feet, shoes, clowns, people getting muddy, object destruction, whatever).

[–]Alienhunter 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

What causes them? Are they ingrained at birth or not? Developed later? Does the unlimited access to them on the internet have any effect on people?

[–]JerzyZulawski 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

It's not known, but early experiences and surroundings play a big role, and that includes the media environment and internet access, as you suggest. They're not ingrained at birth but develop in early childhood. Taboos in different countries play a role - i.e. Japan has a far higher rate of men with fart fetishes than Western countries do. Zoophiles are much more likely to have grown up on a farm or at least in a farming community. Men with amputee fetishes often report knowing or meeting an amputee when they were kids. The fetishistic male brain has a tendency to sexually imprint onto things. And full-fledged AGPs often have an absent mother (their mom left or died when they were a kid, or was unloving/emotionally absent, or they weren't otherwise close to their mother).

One theory is that these kinds of hard-wired fetishes have their roots in childhood psychosexual fears, which is why so many of them are of things that are frightening (uniforms, pain, bondage, subjugation, plaster casts, missing limbs, balloons popping, giants, clowns, medical procedures, asphyxiation) or gross (urine, farting, mud, vomit etc.). Kinks may be a psychosexual defense mechanism whereby the developing brain sexualizes a stimulus that it finds too overwhelming to process in order to render it safe. A sexualised trauma response. Another model for understanding fetishes is as a sort of sexual synesthesia, where instead of sounds being perceived as colors or tastes as shapes, other types of interaction stand in for intercourse, and other body parts or objects become the primary erotic focus in place of the genitalia. This concept of erotic target location errors explains why some fetishes are more common than others, and has some speculative biological grounding in the case of the foot fetish: the genitalia and feet are located next to each other in our brains’ cortical homunculus of sensory input, so this common kink at least may simply be a matter of overlapping wires.

[–]VulptexMy pronouns are the/matrix 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I am like this but I had a completely normal upbringing with no trauma.

[–]jet199 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Also some people seem to be more at risk of developing paraphilias, most people who have them have more than one and there tends to be a family history.

I wonder if there is a like with personality disorders because many have narcissistic personality disorder.

Personality disorders also tend to stem from childhood trauma.

[–]VulptexMy pronouns are the/matrix 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I was like that from the very beginning. My whole brain is very messed up, I think that's why. I also have issues with gender dysphoria, my developmental hormones were probably out of whack.

[–]VulptexMy pronouns are the/matrix 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes, I do that. The pictures are usually pretty obvious though, no one is interested in those things besides people who have a fetish for it.

[–]Athelhilda4 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

What about the women?

[–]JerzyZulawski 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

With the women it's something different. It's just the men who have paraphilias.

[–]VulptexMy pronouns are the/matrix 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Maybe with women it's just "normal", because most men are only turned on by visual elements while this is not usually true of women.

[–]VulptexMy pronouns are the/matrix 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think for women it's just "normal", because men are usually expected to be almost entirely visual. I also suspect this fetish thing might be the only way to release male sexual urges in the case that there's no sexuality. Women are generally no less horny but it's not really a bodily need for them. For men it's almost like going to the bathroom because they release something rather than merely receiving it.

[–]VulptexMy pronouns are the/matrix 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm similar, but I don't hide and my fantasy often doesn't include other people at all. My guess is since the male sex drive is a bodily need it has to find some way to get it out, even without sexual attraction.

[–]VulptexMy pronouns are the/matrix 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Maybe a critical part of developing sexuality is social pressure. If autistic people don't pick up on that they may simply never develop a normal one. I sure don't have one.

[–]FlyingKangaroo 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It’s an interesting insight. People differ but it’s also true that many might experience what you described. I remember hearing somewhere this remark on people with Down syndrome too.

[–]Alienhunter 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's rather sad. I feel bad for the people with Downs syndrome because they are obviously lonely and have the same "needs" as other people but oftentimes they really lack the mental capacity to be in a healthy relationship. There's no malice behind it but it's pretty sad to watch the confused disappointment when you have to turn down their "advances" or the confused terror when people who don't understand it get understandably very angry at the unwanted advances. They simply can't understand why. Most improve over time with age though. The teenage years are rough for them however.

[–]jet199 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I really don't think it is real.

There's quite a lot of evidence that repressing sexual desire leads to aggression and violence in society so I don't think it's something we should be encouraging unless it's proven to be a good or neutral thing.

I've never met an asexual who didn't have a pretty clear motive for identifying that way and was repressing their feelings to fit.

[–]FlyingKangaroo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I agree that certain people who repress their desires are aggressive and it leads to distress. But then, you have people who are fine with it because they really don’t care for sex. There were even some famous people who profited the society, like Nikola Tesla. Would he belong to the same group that for example certain priests who act as if they need to be celibate but in reality molest someone or want to molest? Certainly not.

That’s sad you never met a person conscious enough with it. Well, it’s super rare but people who are happy and sexless exist. Just perhaps they don’t call themselves asexual, since this is the label that already became cringe; too much LGBT association and after all, a push to identify with the queer community which is certainly full of unhappy people hiding their real selves.

[–]INeedSomeTime 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Asexual here. Never thought I'd be considered oppressed for the way I am. No one cares that I'm permanently singly and disinterested.

[–]FlyingKangaroo 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The best approach.

[–]Wanderingthehalls 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Anyone I have known without sexual urges has either suffered childhood abuse that they remain traumatised from into adulthood. Or they discovered through blood tests that they had abnormally low testosterone and developed sexual urges after taking artificial T.

I'm not saying that there aren't people with normal hormone levels and no trauma who also have no sexual desire. But if any adult isn't experiencing any sexual desire, they probably should see their doctor. Even if they don't mind not having sexual desire, it could be a symptom of an illness that will lead to real problems if left untreated.

[–]VulptexMy pronouns are the/matrix 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I have strong urges. But they make me want to touch myself while thinking about being tied up or some other fetish, rather than sticking it in someone's behind. Often it doesn't even involve another person at all. I did not learn this, I have been this way from the very beginning.

[–]Alienhunter 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Well we could potentially argue that something is biologically wrong with homosexuality in the same vein, which I think is why people are very wary to breach the topic. We could argue asexuality fits the exact same roll as homosexuality in the gay uncle hypothesis as s well, since having no sex drive and having a homosexual sex drive more or less both fit the same reproductive purpose, which is to say they don't reproduce so readily.

Course rather than describe these as right or wrong I think it's important to understand it's all deviations from a norm. There's nothing necessarily wrong with not having a sex drive but the person in question is less likely to reproduce, that's it really. If the person is happy with themselves there's no reason to ever intervene medically.

The whole identity aspect of it is kinda bullshit and most people claiming it as their Identity are just seeking attention. But the idea that low or absent libido is something that happens for various reasons is well within the realms of normality.

My issue with aesexuality is more that it reminds me of mitosis and is scientifically illiterate to describe yourself like an amoeba. But the idea that someone can have no sex drive at all isn't really that far out there. It's also entirely possible for people to just not enjoy sex. Let's be fair, if all you've had is really bad sex your whole life with no romance or personal emotional connections with the other person you'll be forgiven for thinking there's something wrong with you, really the problem isn't you so much as there's something wrong with society. There's balance in all things and while I think prudishness is far from good, the opposite side of the coin of unrestricted hedonism is also quite bad.

And let's also be fair, one of the defining characteristics of humans is we are capable of ignoring our biological urges if we wish to make other decisions. You might be extremely attracted to someone but know it's not a good idea to fuck them. Plus if someone gave you a choice between say, a night with a supermodel or a billion dollars, most people will take the money, that doesn't mean you are sexually attracted to the money. Nor does it mean women who exclusively want to date men with higher incomes than them are incomsexuals.

[–]VulptexMy pronouns are the/matrix 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

The problem isn't libido. I'm asexual with an annoyingly high one. It's just that I don't get off on people, I have a bunch of weird fetishes by themselves. It's definitely something in the brain. I'm also very messed up and have a ton of mental illness. Gender dysphoria is among them, and I've heard asexuality occurs almost exclusively in females, which I am unfortunately not. Then again it might just be the current feminist attitude driving that.

[–]VulptexMy pronouns are the/matrix 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I think you're right. There's everything wrong with me.

[–]GraviHeel Hortler 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

TOOTHPASTE HAIR

[–]Adventurous_Ad6212 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Yassssss kween clap back against the muhsoggyknees

[–]FlyingKangaroo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

The idea of “asexuality” as an orientation and people unironically saying such shit is what damaged the real people without need for sex. It’s sad to see they will be perceived through the image created by the hypersexual queer crowd.

Also the topic of sexuality outside anything related to it, like creating a relationship, is totally pointless and unnecessary. But without screaming about their preferences, queers wouldn’t be themselves after all.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

the real people without need for sex.

We call them women.

[–]FlyingKangaroo 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Some women would disagree :P I get the joke though

[–]INeedSomeTime 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Damn. Also aegosexual - where you have no problem thinking about having sex but when it actually is meant to happen you don't want it... how come this is asexuality?

[–]DirewolfGhost 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I question only your sense of time and circumstance.

[–]ShekelPa 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Like those hunger protestors that regularly ate during their hunger protest.