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[–]thethrowawayReddit refugee 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

Is there something like this for men? My ex girlfriend is a "they" now and surgically removed her breasts and is taking hormone shots. I bought the ring and was ready to propose right before all this happened. Ive been looking for a community or at least a place to share

[–]SneakyBishop 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I haven't found a place like this for men, but I think this sub would be appropriate. Sorry to hear about your friend. Your insights listed below are quite telling (the grooming for example). It's so self destructive to treat the problem with surgery instead of addressing why someone isn't comfortable in their own body with the parts that they have.

[–]thethrowawayReddit refugee 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I am beyond frustrated that the problem was treated with surgery, drugs and a new identity rather than seeing a therapist about it. She was always uncomfortable with her maturing body (but I understand thats normal in lots of women) and she had a few traumas centered around her breasts that she never spoke to a therapist about.

As soon as she became trans, her breasts went from "i dont like these and i wont look at them in the mirror if i can help it" to "i literally have a panic attack if i have to be naked, i cant shower anymore". The trans ideology made her accept her mental illness instead of confronting it, made things significantly worse, and then solved the newly created problem with permanent surgery. That part of it scared me the most.

[–]voat 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

I'm sorry to hear that man, that sucks. Are you still in contact with her/"them"?

[–]thethrowawayReddit refugee 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

I am actually. Me and her (them) are very good friends still, despite it all. When the transition happened, her and I spent some time apart so that she could "find herself", and we reconciled a few months after the fact with her revealing to me that she wanted to identify as nonbinary now. I had no idea that the break we had was due to her becoming trans. I thought it was just a mental health thing, because she was in a bad place due to family issues. This was mid 2019. At the time I didn't care, I had no idea what nonbinary or trans even meant really. She wanted to date me again and wanted to live a life with me like we always used to talk about when we were younger and lived together. I told her I needed to educate myself before dating someone that was trans. I joined the subreddit r/mypartneristrans (same one as OPs post was in) and joined their discord to learn more about what being trans meant and how I could learn to be a better partner to her, but everything I learned felt cultlike and full of groomers. Their entire movement seriously rubbed me the wrong way and I felt uncomfortable learning about their beliefs that were so different from my own beliefs. Within a few months of studying the trans community and heavily browsing various trans subs like egg_irl, traaaaaans, etc, I learned enough about the movement to gain an opposing viewpoint towards it all, and I started going on r/tunblrinaction and the like because they had very sane takes on the whole thing.

I told her I didn't feel attracted to somebody who is not female, which she took surprisingly well. We've remained friends since. For a while it was weird to see the girl I once loved slowly lose her femininity and get a deeper voice, lose her breasts, cut her hair, etc, but eventually I stopped seeing her as an ex-lover and started seeing her as just a friend. At this point I have 0 romantic feelings towards her, but I still mourn the loss of what was a very promising relationship. She feels like 100% a different person than I knew those years ago. It feels like the girl I knew died. We're still good friends but I feel like I lost my chance at a young love like I always dreamed of, I wanted to get married young and have kids in my mid 20s while I was still in the prime of my youth for having healthy children. I'm getting close to 30 now and still single so that dream is gone.

Thank you for listening to my story.

[–]Zapped 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

You have described your situation very well and seem to have processed it for the better. I have realized that life and it's opportunities have the element of timing and if the timing is not right, you can't look back with regret. It's out of your control. Look back on what you were able to experience and let that experience help guide you in the future.

As for being in your 30's, I thought the same thing. I got married at age 38 and almost exactly a year later our son was born. Neither of us had been married before or had children, and had thought that was not going to happen. Life can change quickly, especially when you look back. I had given up on children and even wondered about marriage.