My Loneliness Is a Nightmare that I Can't Wake Up From

submitted by talking_orange_69 from self.TruFemcels

As titled.

I am turning 30 this year. Still single. No friends. I am back on online dating and I feel like I am just scrolling through ghosts, faint vestiges of a romance that will never come. Why other women and not me? I am lonely. One man is no man. The social isolation gets to me. Sometimes I can't tell if I exist to other people. If I walk right into a person, will they just dissipate, like wisps of cloud around an open hand?

I had a conversation with a colleague last week. He asked me what I do for fun and I said I read. He asked what else. My mind blanked. There is literally nothing else. And it struck me that my world, for the most part, exists solely in books. Whatever I sought from life could not be found in the world so I retreated deeply into myself. Without books there would be no solace, no comfort. Without books there is no world. I can see my coworker struggle to understand how "small" my reality was. Oh, here is an odd woman who has no other hobbies but reading. If only he understood. I know how others see me but I don't think they really understand what it is like to be this emotionally alone. I had tried to fit in with the world but was rejected at every turn. With books one can live. Without books there is no life at all.

I don't know if there is even a point to this post. I am just lonely.

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[–]Goodgirlgb 7 insightful - 3 fun7 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 3 fun -  (4 children)

This is so me. For some reason people have a strong aversion to me. I’m 33 no friends or family that I’m close to. Men want nothing to do with me. I used to read a lot, but I had to stop. It was making me more depressed. I go out and frequently travel which helps in some ways.

No matter what I do people act as if I’m invisible or I’ve done some wrong to them. Most people don’t understand what it’s like to not have one single person in your life. The only time anyone contacts me is to ask can I do something for them or borrow money. I refuse to be used so I guess that further proves in their mind that I’m a bitch. If it wasn’t for work I would probably go days without speaking to anyone. I hate this.

Good luck maybe things will change.

[–]talking_orange_69[S] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

Thanks. I feel you.

[–]EvilNick 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

maybe you two just need to give better Bjs

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Fuck off

[–]Airbus320 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Cmon...

[–]EVERYBODYPANIC 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

I'm a happily married guy in a small town. A good friend, age 25, is living with an older man but wishes for marriage. For happily ever after. I explained to her that she will probably never marry, as she is physically locked away at all hours from available men. Step one of marriage is to be available, and as long as she lives with a man, all other men politely shy away. So if she ever leaves him, she needs to proceed to step number two: Put herself out there. My daughter took up hiking wilderness trails. Another friend took up bowling and baseball. Daughter to be married in October, friend has options. Getting to pick and choose.

You are in a position to take step two, to get out there. Travel, and as the lockdowns ease up, go bowling, go to sports games, Ideally travel to Britain or Ireland (they love us over there).

But for you, Step Number One is gotta get your nose out of the books. Cannot meet people even in a park if your not looking available and interesting. Heck, take a Frisbee to a park and ask someone to throw it with you. Testosterone is a powerful drug and a mere nudge activates it. The more demure nudge is to get stuck/need rescue/need advice. Men only become knights in shining armor if you first become a damsel in distress. - But please, figure out what you'd like and go fishing. Speaking of fishing...

[–]talking_orange_69[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Before COVID I did put myself out there. I am about the shyest person you would ever meet yourself but I would gather the courage to make small talk with strangers at the bus stop. Heck, I have approached complete strangers in a coffee shop and asked them if they would like to grab a coffee sometimes. I joined hobby clubs and went hiking. However men either ignore me or never follow up when I ask them out. Trust me if I had a choice I would get out more.

I am doing online dating now but the response is the same. I get a couple of men who would message me but would ghost after a couple of messages. Photofeeler rated my pics 8-9 on attractiveness so I know my pics are good. Men are not just attracted to me.

[–]lurkperks 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

8 or 9 on attractiveness? How about trustworthiness? If you are pretty as you say you are, there must be some bad vibe people are perceiving perhaps?

I wish I could help more but I am perplexed by your situation.

[–]EvilNick 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Photofeeler rated my pics 8-9 on attractiveness so I know my pics are good.

I mean..... do you. Could still be a good pic of an unattractive person

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

There is a pandemic right now.

[–]EvilNick 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (42 children)

whats wrong with reading? i bet if you asked this dipshit what his "hobbies" were hes say something stupid like "hanging with my friends, going to bars, etc etc." THATS NOT A HOBBY!

That being said, you were "talking" with a "co worker" so you are obviously not "lonely". Im a hard person to deal with. Im good in small doses. I prefer others, minus my good friends, in small doses. Sometimes its just better that way but it doesnt mean Im lonely. Look at life that way. Why not join a book club if you like reading. Im sure you can find a couple in your area.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

Shut the fuck up

[–]EVERYBODYPANIC 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Been gone from this thread a couple of days. Hoping you are alright. Dealing with 'Internet Tough Guys' can take the wind out of many sails. But just keep in mind that we are all probably very far away from each other here. Other people only matter if you let them. I really do understand loneliness and only wish happiness for all thoughtful and kind people. You seem exactly like that to me. But I also appreciate that you do stand up for yourself against detractors. You live for your own happiness. When people put you down or make you feel uncomfortable, just walking away and ignoring them is a reasonable response. Some jerks just love to duke it out, but they are easily stung by indifference. And I do agree also that this pandemic thing makes socializing way harder. I wish you all the best.

[–]spinell 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

When people put you down or make you feel uncomfortable, just walking away and ignoring them is a reasonable response.

Always important to remember this. Its easy to forget when you get caught up un emotions and drama, but remember you can always walk away!

To op you have to try to get out and just talk to anyone just strike up a conversation about any silly thing. Wish you the best.

[–]talking_orange_69[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (38 children)

Thanks. Due to COVID there is no book club or any social thing going on in my city. Also my coworker only talked to me because he was hosting a virtual work thing and I was the only one who showed up on time. It was social chit chat to pass the time. We don't associate outside of work otherwise.

[–]EvilNick 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (37 children)

i dont associate with many people out of work. I prefer to not do that because it always turns into talking about work. I hear enough people whine about work in the building, dont need it outside. I talk to a couple people because we all play some instrument so there is that in common.

https://www.reddit.com/r/bookclub/

https://www.goodreads.com/

https://offtheshelf.com/2020/04/how-to-start-digital-online-book-club/

Sometimes you also have to take initiative yourself. Start a book club sub here yourself. Start by making the sub, make your first post about the book you are reading and your take/opinion on it. Then venture into other subs/sites and promote yours. You get a few people and then maybe you start hosting your own virtual club meetings and maybe find some people locally once this "plandemic" is over. Use this time to work on your social skills.

[–]talking_orange_69[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (36 children)

I already did all that. I was very active in student associations when I was in college. I was the executive in several clubs. It didn't lead to anything, not even friends.

[–]EvilNick 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (35 children)

then try again. if you really want "friends" just find people with similar interests. what do you supposed is the turn off from others that you think they arent going to be your friend. What are you expecting

[–]talking_orange_69[S] 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (34 children)

Oh thanks for the useless advice. You are like one of those people who tell homeless people that their problem can be solved if they just "get a job". You nobel prize winner you!

[–]EvilNick 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (31 children)

lol either now I see why you dont have friends or youre trolling. good job. homeless peoples problems can majorly be solved by not getting hooked on drugs. Outside mental health issues drug use is the largest contributor to homelessness. logic usually trumps emotions and I can already tell you are controlled by your emotions, not the other way around.

[–]talking_orange_69[S] 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (30 children)

Dur dur dur. Look, another IQ100 normie who thinks everything can be solved by working harder. Obviously you live in a sheltered bubble where nothing bad ever happens to good people. Dur dur dur.

I am sorry you operate with such poor logic you are projecting it onto me. :(( Sorry but your normie advice deserves to be mocked.

[–]EvilNick 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (29 children)

who looks everything can be solved by working harder.

oh so you dont have friends cause youre lazy lol. Im willing to bet a tad retarded too.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 4 fun3 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 4 fun -  (2 children)

Don't use the r word. You fucking piece of shit.

[–]Node 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (25 children)

They just end up mocking everyone they meet because "normies don't understand". Talk to any 'femcel' and you'll rapidly encounter behavioral issues at the core of all their problems.

[–]Comatoast 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

It's genuinely good advice. You have to keep trying with things like this. Also, if you're attractive but have a naturally scowly face (generally dubbed "resting bitchface") people can be weird about approaching you, sometimes even intimidated. Try to stay calm, but engaged during conversations. Look for more online meeting spaces, or strictly men with "reading" in their dating profiles. Engage with material that you know that you both already appreciate. Sometimes shit will straight up just not click with another person too. You'll be able to tell when the conversation just.. blows. It sounds like you already know pretty well how to interact with people, it's just getting to the next step. If a guy ghosts you after asking if he wants to get coffee, just consider it divine intervention at that point though. Seriously. Fuck those guys.

[–]Airbus320 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

🤣

[–]buskabada 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Women can't be lonely though.

[–]talking_orange_69[S] 6 insightful - 4 fun6 insightful - 3 fun7 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

Really? you don't think your mom gets lonely sometimes?

[–]Airbus320 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

XD