I've got a better idea, heres where you need to go. You could have paid for a few trips like this for the amount youve wasted buying dumb shit on your credit cards

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YiWmj8c1D4U

"Zona Norte" Tijuana Red-light district (Its basically south san diego). Legal prostituion

"Street girls charge 200 pesos ($11) for basic service and will charge 100 pesos ($5.50) for addons to that basic service."

I'm sure they'll be happy to paint their nails for you, this has got to be one of the tamer requests they get. Why don't you go have a nice vacation before you decide if you are miserable enough to off yourself, maybe an improved mood will bring a change of heart.

You can trust me when I say this is a good idea, I identify as both a doctor and a spiritual guru.