For context I had to do this First aid course for one day for work. I had to catch the early train to get to a station since taking a car was not an option. As soon as I got to the station and there was a 18 minute delay in which the course started 22 minutes later which was not enough time for me to get there in time. My only option was to run there since it was only one station away and if I was late, I would lose $100 for being late not turning up on time. It started raining as well when I was running, but I got their on time soaked. It was mostly full of older foids, couples, a group of your women and a few men. One of the people I had to sit next to was of course, chad. He was 6'2-6'3, defined chin deep voice, though not fully he was pretty close to the archetype. The instructor was a older foid that kept talking directly to chad every 7 minutes and admiring him throughout her presentation, while she was super critical of me. I tried to dress the best I could to not draw any attention to me but I guess that does not matter.

At lunch time I was alone most of the time, as like for every event I have been to there is always pre-established friend groups so I would not be able to talk to anyone even if I had tried. Its like high school never ends, and your efforts to make friends is futile.

We had to do this practicle part where I had to be partnered up with Chad. There was this dopey overweight young becky who could not get in a partner because her girl group had an odd number so I offered to join us and she accepted. She either did not read the pre-class stuff or forgot it and i had to help her out and i even tried to make small talk while chad sat back and said nothing. I took this as a small opportunity to gain experience to talking to a woman that I don't know because I never been able to as I have been ignored talking directly to women my whole life and have been isolated from the opposite sex, though I think I was ignored again this time as-well. As soon as soon as the course was over, we had to help the instructor pack up and thought after that I could just try and talk to her again but she left.

As soon as I walked out of the building I saw chad with the becky walking by his side with them ogling at each other. As I saw that, I just fucking laughed. This is just one of many times I've tried to make contact and then the foid straight after stares at you weirdly and grapples onto the nearest chad. Then I began having a blood nose some reason and I caught the train home.

It has taught me one thing: If you are attractive enough your aura gives you a magnetism of love, attention and affection from foids without ever doing anything and just existing. I think the general power of it, not the understanding of it caught me off guard as He did not even have to say a word and got results. He get the genuine desire that I have never had nor can comprehend really, because all i feel mentally is both numbness and the escalating pain in my heart that I am sure you guys are all to familiar with.

You can't ignore this stuff as its everywhere around you and a constant reminder of how much a failure you are. You see it with couples that start kissing each other as soon as they see you, colleagues bragging about their relationships/sex lives, all over mass media and a great portion of the internet, Film, television, songs and the normal scum can't put 2 and 2 together to figure out torturing a person deprived of a need will make them go crazy. I've had a shit couple of weeks and it just gets worse. I just feel lost as none of my actions have any impact and I'm just stuck in a purgatory nightmare for just existing.