I was really peaceful and harmless child - I was studying always as top1 student, I was behaving decently, no disobediences whatsoever. You know the stereotype, except in my case I wasn't spending time learning (rather playing games all day) but studying was easy for me. I didn't like to cause any troubles, so during the last days of school I used to go to middle school anyway, while most of my class wasn't going there anymore. Truancy was like 2 last weeks of each class activity. One day I came to school as always, knowing it is chill and we so nothing here, close to school pack of people from my class approaches me and says not to go to class today, so there will be no one here - so no repercussions.
I decided not to go, it wasn't hard to make me not go, I knew it's really innocent thing to do, although I couldn't go to he that fast, my mother would be angry, so I decided to go with them (as everyone did). We went near the river, like 1km from school. There was like 9-10 of us. Around half were foids, half guys . We were sitting nearby the river - they were talking and laughing all time, I was just sitting, observing and listening.
It was as if I wasn't there, but back then it wasn't something that was bothering me. But then after some time, they were pushing themselves, doing some innocent hugs, like hand around the back on shoulder, etc. It was something like most of foids were doing this with guys, as I said - it was something like equal foids and guys. After a moment there was something like only I and one foid didn't have the pair, she was attractive, not ugly and I knew deep down that I am not the person who should even try to initiate contact.
I wasn't liked much, so I didn't even thought about proposing anything, or doing anything, I expected that I will just not be included and that's it. Out od blue she looked at be with disgust and said "eww". They started joking to her, to go and hug me. They knew, that in fact they aren't insulting her, but me. I was just watching this "argument" when they were joking about my features, pretending I have them in sarcastic way and her just saying "ew, I'm gonna puke, etc."
It hurt me a lot, I didn't do anything wrong, didn't even want to do anything, because I knew for me it's not the way. Back then I believed into this personality meme path, but I was just a kid. I knew that I can't do it like that.
They remained laughing at me for like 5 minutes. I didn't even have courage to burst out. I felt pain in my chest. As if something broken in me. 5 minutes passed, I got up as if it was nothing and said I am going home. It was too early, because only like 2 hours passed and they said I should stay. I said that I don't want to, I didn't say why, obviously they knew. They said that they won't laugh at me so I will just stay.
I was too sad to even discuss anything with them. I just sat in silence for another few minutes, then they went to water (obviously didn't even ask me and I wasn't sitting next to them anymore, but like few meters apart as some freak), then got up and went home.
In home I cried, I didn't understand why they laughed like that. They didn't need to include me, exactly the same way I didn't include myself. In a sense I was blackpilled back then, I knew I am ugly, but I believed that being good doesn't result in getting shat on all the time. I was so wrong.
Some more situations like that near that age caused irreversible damage to me and I don't believe I am the same specimen as regular people.
And to think that my life might be so different if even once when I got laughed at and bullied, I just took a chair and beat up the motherfucker unconscious.
That's why I advice everyone else being hateful. Because that might be the only thing, that I truly regret in life, for not having balls to react with the level of hatred that I should.
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[–]iamonlyoneman 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun - (1 child)
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