I'm blown out of my mind. 12 years of poverty and now I'm stuck in college without any way to take a break. Every other race has a safety net. Latinos can live with their parents til they literally fucking die. White kids can jump back to daddy's house and live rent free for decades. What did my nigger family give me? Homelessness. I can't even take a gap year and go somewhere and feel safe and get food and work. I leave college without a degree, I basically live in a car until I go back. I stay in college and I get D's and F's because I'm so damn depressed I can't focus on work and can't muster up the energy to do assignments.
I'm ready to call it quits. Every day I can't help but think about all my friends that are just living life. White Parents hooked them up with a 50k a year job straight out of college and are living with their parents rent free. All my other friends getting to go back home and see their parents and get free meals every break.
I'm just ready to give up. There's a bridge an hour drive away that's empty at night time. I've been debating parking my car and jumping off that bridge every night.
I just want to be able to work and afford to live in an apartment alone. Work is so fucking mindless. You work, you go home, and that's it. College is fucking madness. You work, then go back to more work, then you've got random activities assigned to you. I'm DONE. I'm DONE. I'm fucking done.
I NEED A YEAR GAP TO JUST WORK AND LIVE WITH MY FAMILY AND GET GOOD MEALS SO I CAN MENTALLY RECOVER. FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCK
I've tried COUNTLESS times to explain this to people. I'm trying my fucking hardest to wake up in the morning and i can't fucking move. I need time to CENTER MYSELF.
Born to niggers, bald at 21, stopped growing at 13, carless until 20, no status whatsoever, don't have a single non-nigger family member that can set me up with a job somewhere or at least introduce me to a guy. I'm ready to call it. I just can't anymore. I just fucking can't.
The only thing i ever wanted to do in life was become a poet. I can't even tell people about writing poetry without getting hit with "oh ok, that's nice" or just immediately having the topic change. My only status are the 4 poems I've published and not a single person in the universe cares. Just shows how pathetic the world is. My life dream, the dream I've had since I was 10, isn't even worth a complement from a single person.
I'm ending it this year.