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[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

Welcome to feminism.

Most women still rather will show you their "nice" side, when you directly speak to them.

Evolution found two strategies to resolve or stall human conflicts:

-> "Fight Or Flight" (the rather "male" way of social interaction and building hierarchies)

-> "Tend And Befriend" (the rather "female" way of social interaction and building peer groups)

The latter one relies on the fact that conflicts that are unsolvable in this generation are possibly solvable by their offspring in the next generation. It is a delaying tactic. Some grudges even dissolve on their own for no reason whatsoever.

That is why women mostly aren't as dependent on hierarchies and rules for their social interaction as men are. They rather "feel" how to communicate with each one around them in a mostly polite way to avoid possible conflicts from the beginning.

They will lie to your face because this has kept them alive. But this doesn't imply they don't hold strong opinions on people around them. This is absolutely no surprise, considering the fact that women mostly are very dependent on healthy relationships. Which is the reason why their behavior in a sense of "average" is more compliant, reliant on authority and less "offbeat". Most women aren't able to even "think" out of the boxes, they voluntarily put themselves with their choice of peers in.

Imho, many internet "phenomena" like facefuck, twatter and chingchong couldn't be nearly as widespread if there wasn't this big crowd of women constantly pulling their peers into these shitholes.

Last but not least: Most men are hypocrites, just as women are. Hiding behind ties or calling themselves "alphas" which for some has the same hiding purposes inside some group.

I'd rather die standing than bending the knee for any definition that contains the term, "involuntary", e.g.

[–]Vulptex 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

That is why women mostly aren't as dependent on hierarchies and rules for their social interaction as men are.

Are you sure? That seems backwards to me. Isn't it mostly women who subscribe to outrageous fundamentalist brands of religion? And advocated for things like prohibition? Don't girls tend to do better in school and have less behavior issues? Don't more women vote for authoritarian politicians than men?

Both genders have hierarchy, but with men it seems to be less rule-based and more of an every man for himself battleground. Whoever can beat up the most other guys wins. Women are more judgemental and about meeting certain standards. It's pretty much the same idea, same crappy laws of nature, just a different strategy because they're in different situations. All anyone really wants is power, and they'll get it any way they can.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Of course, this depends on the social context. Especially on how much trust is involved.

In bigger circles of acquaintances and colleagues, most women tend to rely on hierarchies and authority even more than men. Which built them in most cases. But their smaller, core-like inner social circles they build like core families. To start activities with as an example. To get "their" people hooked on something.

I believe that some principles of core-family are hard-wired into an "average" female brain. Which they fall back to when they don't know some better strategy.

Men on the other hand mostly commit to groups by some shared interest. A shared "thing" or idea, so to say, at first at a minimum.

Which doesn't say anything about the intentions of this social interactions. They can be deceptive and manipulative. Most women are better in lying than men are. When I was a teacher, I was totally dazzled by the adolescent ones practicing this behavior with each other on a daily basis, more or less.

Above that is "politics": Feminism is nowadays mostly instrumentalized to grow privileges, most women have, anyway. In education of children and adolescents, this is quite obvious. Most females there hover quite closely around the norm. While "loud" or "offbeat" (mostly) male children or adolescents are declared "ill" or "insane". To make them chug some pills and ostracize them on a daily basis. This is where wokeness was (re)born. When some SJW fights for people having "problems" he doesn't even understand because other groups tried to ostracize people "suffering" from it on a daily basis.

"Trick" for this one: Stop judging and categorizing people as hard as you do with things. Human beings need leeway for errors, quirks and individualism. But this has been forgotten. Since the big propaganda-spreading-enginges streamlined most of our "ideals" this far.

When on the other hand in core families as well as most educational systems, there is a lack of "male" role models for decades now. They "effeminate" most men, behaving as such.

I could go a lot deeper into this category of relationship problems because one of my therapy sessions every week is about me learning to be more "forgiving" and "accepting" this kind of "insanity"in human beings around me. My stubbornness allows acceptance mostly only with some kind of understanding, sadly.

[–]Vulptex 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

The interests vs core family thing I can see, but it's usually divided by age not gender. Younger kids form friendships based solely on interests because they aren't mature enough to have deeper ones yet.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I wouldn't put children into this.

They develop this kind of hypocritical behavior at a certain age. Up until then they stay totally truthful.

When they realize that their parents are lying, I'd guess.

The gender itself also ain't a thing up until a certain age when youngsters realize that there are differences in this.

The upbringing plays a major role, I think.

The style of communication of adolescent human beings differs a lot based on their "gender" from my experience.

This backstabbing thing is "more" female, I believe. Not risking any direct conflict but shitting on people anyway.

But most males adapt.

[–]Vulptex 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

The gender itself also ain't a thing up until a certain age when youngsters realize that there are differences in this.

Yeah and we should've stayed like we were. This whole gender thing was a mistake, all of it.

The style of communication of adolescent human beings differs a lot based on their "gender" from my experience.

Well obviously but I don't think it's "interests vs core family". Both have both in my experience. Society doesn't really let men show it anymore but they definitely have the core family too. And women have interests, they're not all stupid.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I can agree on both points.

Though, women more often try to manipulate or instrumentalize people around them, from my personal experience.

Most men follow a more straight approach. From my very limited personal angle.

[–]Vulptex 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That's definitely true. I still don't think that's an inherent difference though, I think it's because women learn to take advantage of the Women are Wonderful Effect, whereas for men everyone is suspicious of them and views them as a potential threat or competition.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It is imho somewhat hidden in this deep-psychology thing I wrote above. Which took me a long time to fully accept.

Women mostly also expect to be loved unconditionally as a principle, while many men never get to even experience this. That is why many women long so hard for revenge when they get betrayed for the first time.

I could go on...

As I said: This is one of the topics I continuously spend time on with my most favorite therapists. I'm genuinely interested in it.