Random Musings: Both being single, and being in a serious committed relationship (marriage), can suck. The former is like being homeless, while the latter is like being in prison, but getting three square meals a day and a roof over your head.

submitted by Mcheetah from self.Random_Shit

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[–]HiddenFox 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Allow me to Muse with you!

I never understand why so many people are in marriages they don't want to be. Where these people forced into getting married? Manipulated by their now spouse into getting married? Was it a "let's see how this goes" situation? Why commit unless you are ready to go 100% all in? Do they get married and the person "changes"? I'm perplexed by it.

There are plenty of options to exit a marriage. I get there maybe children involved but I would argue two miserable parents together is worse then two happy(ier) parents separate. I'm a child of divorce, a very bitter one at that and I got though it. Both my parents were better off for it in the end.

I'm pro marriage. I married my best friend. It's like a never ending sleep over with benefits and no parents and all the junk food we could want. She and I have been married 16 years now and have spent less then 5 nights apart from each other, all work related. I'm not trying to brag but I have trouble seeing a serious downside. Sometimes I have to do a stupid family thing and go see a nephew's elementary Christmas play or something like that but she also has to watch Star Trek and the X-files so it kinda balances out. We almost never fight and our world views and values are completely aligned.

We also bring balance to each other as she is by far more compassionate then me. (She is more driven by emotion but not ruled by them) Where as I am a very logical, calculating person. We almost always meet somewhere in the middle.

Being single sucked for me. Even 16 years ago before all the internet dating and swiping right. I'm very picky with whom I spend my time with. I came to the conclusion back when I was in my late teens that I would rather be alone then in a shitty relationship. This served me well as I know a few bullets I dodged and how they have turned out.

I had strict standards like no kids, no smoking, had to be reasonably fit. Get past that and it was onto values and personality. Things like the "three dates and then you sleep together" was always BS in my mind. A huge red flag.

I simply would not compromise and in the end it really paid off for me. It meant spending a lot of occasions single and taking some teasing for it but again I got though it.

I couldn't image the pain of having to find someone these days. Conceded people were everywhere back then and I can only imagine it now. Maybe I'm missing something about being single these days?

[–]Mcheetah[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I never understand why so many people are in marriages they don't want to be.

Kids out of wedlock.

I'm pro marriage. I married my best friend. We almost never fight and our world views and values are completely aligned. I'm not trying to brag but I have trouble seeing a serious downside.

You're likely tall enough/successful enough/charming enough/Chad enough to where she doesn't see a need to divorce you for no reason and take everything. At least right now. Most men aren't so lucky. Even if they don't divorce you, the never-ending demands and entitlement becomes too much for any man to fulfill. This is what all my male friends (all tall, good looking, and successful) have told me from their experiences. Their wives become more and more entitled, and nothing is ever good enough for them. You're their 24/7 ATM, therapist, and foot massager without so-much as a single "thank you" cause you're the "Provider" and it's your job to be your wife's new parents.

I came to the conclusion back when I was in my late teens that I would rather be alone then in a shitty relationship.

Yeah, that's how it tends to go, but it's still not good.

With the wrong person < Forever alone < With the right person

Homeless with no legs < Homeless < Prison (until divorce)

I had strict standards like no kids, no smoking, had to be reasonably fit.

Yeah, you definitely sound like a Chad. Not because you have standards, but because you still found a woman anyway. A short fuck like me says any of that and every woman and soy liberal-male would whip out the old "incel" shouts, from their handbook of the only six words they know and the only other one besides 'bigot' that isn't an -Ist or -Phobe word.

I couldn't image the pain of having to find someone these days. [Conceited] people were everywhere back then and I can only imagine it now. Maybe I'm missing something about being single these days?

I posted about it before. In the modern dating pool, you have:

  • Your tranny half a foot taller than you and half a foot longer than you who doesn't know the definition of "heterosexual."
  • Your career-bitch who wants to be the man in the relationship but treated like a housewife anyway (the girl-boss.)
  • Your OnlyFans thot who rejects loyalty and monogamy and thinks her career of being a cum dumpster is on par with world renown doctors and hero firefighters.
  • Your shaved-green-haired, hairy-underarmed 300-pound feminist with the septum ring who free-bleeds and hates men, but still wants one anyway cause she can't fuck her seven cats.
  • Your lesbian make-believe "girlfriend" who outright tells you she dates/fucks women and most definitely will while "with" you, but doesn't respect you enough to not use you for your money anyway (the bisexual/cuck sexless pretend 'relationship.')
  • Or your 1% chance of a TradCon/gold digger "church woman" who'll still work anyway and not share any of her money towards the bills.

Take your pick. Some of these will definitely overlap. Normal women and female best friends are not on the table. That dating pool is filled with turds, period blood, and dilatant fluid. Want to take a swim, anyway?

[–]HiddenFox 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Kids out of wedlock.

Honestly, don't really follow you on this one. Can you elaborate?

she doesn't see a need to divorce you for no reason and take everything. At least right now.

We got a prenup before marriage. (That logical side of me) I recommend this for any marriage even if its basic or there is little money involved. It can help reveal true intentions. No girl in there right mind should take offence to this in this day and age. If she does, well that says a lot.

We've been married 16 years and things are only getting stronger. I honestly couldn't see a divorce unless a major, devastating event happened. I'm giving honest feed back to you here, if your attitude is always "She is going to screw me over" you can never have a successful marriage or even a relationship. Any sane person will sense that quickly.

I get the resentment. I was the loser of losers until my mid twenties. It took YEARS of work to get myself to where I was an attritive mate. Once I started seeing results though it completely changed my outlook and I doubled down on self improvement.

Their wives become more and more entitled, and nothing is ever good enough for them. You're their 24/7 ATM, therapist, and foot massager without so-much as a single "thank you" cause you're the "Provider" and it's your job to be your wife's new parents

Sounds like it's time for divorce. The negatives are clearly outweighing the benefits. A healthy marriage should never be one sided. I hurt my back last week and my wife has been pampering me non stop. Two weeks ago she wanted to decorate for Christmas so I spent my whole weekend cleaning house/doing dishes so she had nothing to do but decorate and bake. (She is like a Christmas Nazi, it's insane!) Point is unless you are willing to totally commit to a person, above friends, above family, above self then yes I can see the margarine is going to suck.

Rant - Feel free to skip if too long.

Before we got married the pastor told us we must attend a mandatory marriage counseling. Nothing crazy but they went over the basics like "Have you talked about finances? Children? Religion? Where your going to live?" That sort of things. The part I remember the most was the counselor talking about our "Life Circles". Apparently we both have "Circles". One represents my life and the other my wife's. She tells us "Your circles are now coming together and will overlap and in that overlap is your marriage." (Fucking hippy bullshit)

My soon to be wife and I both looked at each other before I spoke up and said. "Those circles barley overlap? That's crazy. A marriage should be 90% overlap, 10% independence. not 90% independence, 10% marriage. If your thinking the latter then your not ready for a marriage."

She said "Well this is what the professionals are recommending." What bullshit that was. At the end of the session I asked her on the way out of the room "Are you guys for real about the circle analogy?" Her eyes darted back and forth before she said "Well I have to recommend what they tell me to recommend..." I took that as she knew it was BS but had to tow the line. What a bunch of assholes! I get everyone is different Might be 80/20 or 70/30 but to lead or even suggest 10/90.... fuck what stupid advise. Your marriage should take priority in your life, else why bother.

Yeah, that's how it tends to go, but it's still not good.

With the wrong person < Forever alone < With the right person

Homeless with no legs < Homeless < Prison (until divorce)

...I guess....if your going into it expecting it to fail well yeah your right on this.

Yeah, you definitely sound like a Chad. Not because you have standards, but because you still found a woman anyway.

Not sure I qualify as a "Chad". (Not entirely sure I know what that is but I can guess) As I said I was shit until I made the choice to hit the gym, eat better, read, take music lessons, and force myself into awkward social settings. Took like two solid years of work before I started to see payoffs.

A short fuck like me says any of that and every woman...

100% can't argue that. Being short is a defiant disadvantage but not a complete disaster. Short people still find partners. I have a brother who is 5'5" and he married a 5'2" women. Me and my wife look like giants beside them. As for the rest of what you said there who gives a fuck about what others say. Stick to your standards. I've taken flak for both the no kids and the fitness thing. Fuck them.

I posted about it before. In the modern dating pool, you have...

I more or less agree with most of this. I'm not obtuse to the realities out there. Social media and the internet have had a major negative on people and their realities. I got no advise other then to stick local and meet people IRL , never stop trying and work on yourself as much as you can.