I have a funny one. I was on a flight home from India. I was lucky enough to snag a bulkhead seat with nobody between me and this tiny little Indian girl. That's like a dream for a 16 hour flight. So I slam a couple Gin and tonics, and take enough Xanax to pass out for most of the flight.

I watch a movie, start another one and start to pass out. I take my laptop and headphones and lay them in the seat next to me and hit the sheets hard. I'm guessing it's a few hours later, and I'm being woke up by a large Indian man who is poking me in the shoulder and trying to give me my laptop. I'm like, "Hey brother go back to where you came from."

He doesn't understand or pretends he doesn't, lays my laptop in my lap and sits in the seat. I can't really do anything, as it's the middle of the night, I'm severely fucking groggy from booze and Xanax, and we're over the ocean. Not really a place to start shit.

So I start laying on this guy, over and over. Not like laying on his shoulder but like across his chest and I'm all dead weight, he keeps pushing me off of him, and I just keep fake snoring and laying across this dude, over and over. I must have done it 15 times. He stunk. Not bad, but like an Indian.

Finally, he gets up and goes back to his seat, and that was that.

I should have pissed on him. Glad he didn't piss on me.