Breast Mourning

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[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

So, this statement is likely to feel inflammatory but is honest - I agree there's as little evidence for autism as there is for gender.

I understand you feel/believe you have something wrong with your brain because you hate the sexed characteristics of your body. That's what you mean, right? That you hate the physical reminder that you are male or female? But being male or female only means we produce sperm or eggs. That's it. You don't have to be anything else - not submissive, not degraded in porn and other media representations, not your appearance being the thing of most value of you, not into pink, "overly emotional," etc., has nothing to do with being female.

What do you mean by "to function as best they can as their sex" or "preferences that the opposite sex is biologically more suited for." So, men aren't allowed to be nurses? Women aren't allowed to be fire fighters? Those are the social stereotypes - the definition of gender. If you agree that the differences in personality are clearly the result of the socialization, can you explain better what you mean by the two quotes in this paragraph? Thank you.

[–]Vulptex 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

If there's no autism then explain non-verbal people who bang their head on the wall and can't handle loud noises. You're probably thinking of self-diagnosed snowflakes on Twitter.

Men and women don't necessarily have different personalities and interests, but their bodies are still designed to excel at different things. For example women can see color a lot more vividly than men. Men won't exactly be born wanting to see a dry and washed out world all the time, but that's what they get. Women can easily be into sports, but their bodies aren't fit for many of them. It might sound unethical that nature would let someone's desires be different from their abilities, and that's because it is.

These differences in biology are not aligned with how people think men and women are different though. There's nothing that would hinder either gender from liking blue or pink.

That alone can't explain gender dysphoria though. That's just normal personality variance, and those people still feel right in their bodies and don't want to change, even if they have their annoyances. But there does seem to be something that makes the person expect a certain set of traits, and if it doesn't match you'll feel like shit. I don't know what that is. Some sense of normalcy seems to be hardwired. A man might prefer seeing more vivid colors, but if he perceives dullness as normal it won't bother him much, and he probably won't even realize it. But I know that's not how the world is supposed to look. I do happen to care, but even if I didn't, it would still feel off. And I can have atypical preferences but I can never change what my body is capable of, therefore I cannot make anything feel right. Of course if you've always felt right you'll never understand the difference. It's literally impossible to explain to you, because you have no reference. Nor do we have the language to describe it because it's such a rare disease. What I've said is a very poor explanation at best, and I'm afraid that's about as close as it gets. I simply don't have the tools to get it across to you. This is why normal people will always be confused and transtrenders think transitioning because of stereotypes is perfectly valid. Because to all of you, it's the same thing.

It could very well be that some people simply get insanely unlucky and end up wanting all the traits of the opposite sex. What makes me doubt that is how even things I never think or care about are off to me. For example my hands look too big to me and my fingers look distorted. It doesn't bother me, but it isn't what I expected to see either. I had no idea until recently that this is a sexually dimorphic trait and that the female version matches what I expect to see. This stuff happens A LOT. And some of it seems minor, and a lot of it is, but much of it does cause me discomfort. It's more irritating than acutely painful, but there is a lot of it, and keep in mind I have to deal with it all 24/7. Conversely, I've never had any desire to be seen or treated as a different gender (unless it's simply better, for example girls are allowed to struggle with life). Any gender "identity" I ever had came from the way I was raised. I don't see how wearing dresses or being "validated" is supposed to help me any. It's not going to make me stop feeling like my male bone growth is a heavy set of armor fused under my skin. I just don't like the way my body feels and functions.

What is strange and really freaky is I do happen to get deja vu seeing the female routine. It's not that I'm interested in it so much as I feel like I've lived it before and now my memory has been reset or altered. I have my suspicions, but that's getting into a different topic that I don't think is particularly relevant here.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

If there's no autism, then non-verbal people who bang their heads on the wall and can't handle loud noises are traumatized individuals. Sometimes the trauma comes in ways society considers obviously worth of doing that kind of damage, but sometimes it comes in ways society doesn't like to consider, like unavailable parents. If language is formed in early years, and a mom struggling with a lack of ability to bond with her child is raising a child without extended family and isn't really speaking to her child and making eye contact with it during the day while dad is gone, how do you think the child, who is supposed to learn by mimicking, will do that? How is the child supposed to engage without being taught engagement? How is a child supposed to learn attachment when being rejected? Men are given no responsibility in nurturing the child, so when dad comes home and plays video games with the kid on his lap instead of making eye contact, why would the child want to participate in the real, material world? I'd be in my head in a fantasy (disassociation - known sign of trauma) or banging my head (known sign of self-stimulation), too.

So, your explanation of gender is no one can feel it if you aren't transgender? I don't believe in feelings that only some people claim to have. There's no way to verify them. You need to be able to prove something you claim exists that has no evidence. And telling me you feel something is real isn't evidence. Plenty of people will tell me they feel the spirit of God. I don't believe in that either.

And, certainly, there's no reason to change law or consider men who feel their hands are too big to be male hands, anything but men who are having a delusion. Which you are, because you aren't supposed to have any other body than the DNA your parents gave you. Your hands aren't supposed to be something else when you look there. I'm sorry you aren't what you want. No one is. Which is why the traditional help for delusions is to come back to material reality and self-acceptance. I hope you get there someday. Also, it's super vain to be so focused on what's on the outside for your worth, and men have value.

[–]Vulptex 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I see that all your viewpoints are now revolving around bowing down to material reality. It sounds to me like you're dependent on the system and impulsively fighting to protect it. When it comes to that point I tend to think the person is just making excuses to justify the world's atrocities. It's ironic how you try to present submitting to material reality as "self acceptance", when that's literally giving yourself up.

I don't really believe I have a gender really, or that anyone does. That's also part of this material reality crap. There's just something wrong with this particular brain. You do have an internal body map and this is why amputees feel like they still have lost members. I'm guessing that's where the problem is, along with some sense of how to perceive the world and use my brain. But I'm not a doctor or a brain scientist. Beyond that I'm skeptical of any male/female differences that aren't hormonal or cultural.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

That's not true. My viewpoints are that if someone makes a claim - you - there's an innate gender something - you need to prove it. If you don't really believe it, then why is it being argued is real? Why is it being pushed as real on children? Why is it being pushed to change law? Amputees once HAD their lost body part. You don't have an internal map for a body you never had. Do you believe you can be transracial?

[–]Vulptex 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm not claiming to understand how it works. I don't even know what it is. And those who are pushing it on anyone, let alone children, most certainly don't. But it does happen in a small number of people; whether that's enough to consider them a different gender is up for debate.