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[–]Vulptex[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

and you can take a concerted stance of action against it

Most of my problems are things that can't, and I mean CAN'T be changed. I don't think anyone can understand. There's even two of me, there's me and then there's my brain's "me" and we are fundamentally different people. I feel like I'm possessing someone else and can't break free. Not because I'm pretending to be someone else, because I'm not, but because this person's brain and body don't belong to me and doesn't fit me, and because I feel like I don't even belong to the same species. This isn't a matter of who I am anymore, it's what I am. Do I even belong in this universe? Is this some weird dream that I'm going to wake up from? It sure feels like one. But it just keeps going and going. Reality could collapse and I'd like that because it means this external world would stop dictating everything that happens to me and even how I think and perceive. Yet for some reason that would horrify everyone else.

You are suppressing the individual within you to join in with the biological traits of your species. I just don't see how this is beneficial.

I'm not. This piece of flesh and bones I'm in is doing it for me. It's like how you can operate an Apple device but they make most of the decisions and restrictions for you and you can't change them. It was nowhere near as bad before and it randomly kicked in for no reason. Puberty is the only explanation and it makes sense. It's developing me for tasks I have no interest in doing. But it doesn't know that, it only cares about spreading my genes and helping whatever tribe I'm supposed to be part of. To most people that is of utmost importance, which from a biological perspective makes perfect sense. Fuck, do I have any humanness at all in me?

If I have a eucatastrophe it won't be for a very long time. Probably, at least.

[–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Please PM me if you are interested in discussing this more. You can indeed fix your perceptions on this issue, you have proven it many times just in this comment thread alone. You will admit to things that could help you, but turn around and use it to hold yourself back. Seriously, you are very close to being done with whatever you are struggling with, if you will it so.