Dude, please, just listen to how you create this situation. "have (no?) option but to wallow in it" and, "it is what it is" and, "My brain doesn't allow me..."

It wasn't random, every human goes through this, and most find ways to ignore the bad, and to ignore the change, as you describe. You can't ignore it, great! Seriously, great! Now you can pay attention to exactly how it enters into peoples perspectives, and you can take a concerted stance of action against it. You can control your brain chemistry, by changing your lifestyle and re-aligning to your misaligned thoughts with objective reality, not subjective feelings. Obviously you tend to negative thoughts about yourself, some of which might be true, but they are probably being presented to you in horrid psychologically damaged ways. This is relatively normal from what I can tell, when we are presented with truth, something evil twists it in our minds to serve its purposes. Pay attention to that.

You have years of living under your belt where you accepted every thought that tumbled into your brain as yours. Many of those were not your thoughts, but since you identified with them so heavily, you have found justifiable scientific reasons to suffer under them! This is just like the women who lay around saying: I'll never be tough, I'm just a woman. Or the humans who sit around wallowing: humans are plague, we must be eradicated!

As a child, you could perceive the eucatastrophe that is Life. You no longer perceive it. Life is still a eucatastrophe, nothing about life changed, the way you perceived the world changed. You can physically, mentally, socially, and spiritually alter your perceptions. I would suggest learning how to do this, or else you will forever stay miserable in your wallowing.

Study the word "eucatastrophe" and accept reality for what it is. It does care for "you", just not the "you" you thought you were. You are suppressing the individual within you to join in with the biological traits of your species. I just don't see how this is beneficial.