Trouble on the Homefront

submitted by Tarrock from (media.consumeproduct.win)

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[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 4 fun -  (9 children)

Polyamory is a really tricky lifestyle, there's a number of pitfalls that are easy to fall into. I personally think of this one as the Shiny New Toy problem. Pretty much the plot of Toy Story 2, the person is experiencing what polyamorists call New Relationship Energy with the new partner, the heady feeling of falling in love and getting to know someone new, and they can sometimes end up neglecting their old partner.

Frankly, that's not Polyamory done well, but it happens. Related are "Cowboys," guys who enter into poly relationships with the intention of stealing the woman away. This might be a cowboy situation.

Men get the short end of the stick usually in poly, it's really easy for women to find partners, not so much for men. So it's not uncommon for women to have or have had several partners while the guy has nobody and receives less attention overall.

So it's just the wife fucking other dudes, which is obviously not ideal. But if this dude had a girlfriend he'd probably feel a lot better about the situation.

It doesn't have to be bad though, my ex and I had a de facto poly relationship after we broke up, all 3 of us just got along really well and nobody was particularly jealous. That was pretty awesome.

And now although my wife isn't down with me fucking anyone else, she is okay with me forming close emotional relationships with other women, something that is sometimes viewed as "emotional cheating."

[–]JasonCarswell 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (8 children)

Insightful and true. I've seen some disasters and even been in a couple long before I heard about this book:
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ethical_Slut

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (7 children)

I wish I knew about it first, it would have made things a lot easier. For me it was just like "oh that's what you call it," and it's nice there's other people out there like that.

I first realized it was a thing after watching the Oliver Stone movie Savages, although my very first take was that the dudes were tremendous cucks. It took a sec to sink in.

I don't know what you think, but I'm not so sure anyone should ever decide to become poly any more than they should decide to be gay. Most people just aren't. It's not a kink, not hot wifing, not cuckholding. It's not about fucking a bunch of people. It's about loving more than one person, and I'm just a loving guy.

[–]Smarterthanlastweek2 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (6 children)

It's about loving more than one person,

I disagree. Marriage is about creating and maintaining a stable and supportive family structure for kids to grow and thrive in. If you don't have kids, why even bother getting married? If you do have kids, the parents should stay committed to, supportive of, and focused on their children and each other (and that includes sexual satisfaction).

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

If that's what you want or have I'm not knocking it. It seems unnecessarily limiting to me.

If you do have kids, the parents should stay committed to, supportive of, and focused on their children and each other (and that includes sexual satisfaction).

And when the kids are grown and raising their own families, the woman's sex drive is gone after menopause (sometimes it goes up, people are different) but the man still wants physical affection, the men divorce their wives and get a younger model. Instead of just increasing the scope of your union, you dissolve and replace it. Or cheat. Or live unhappily.

I don't see that as better. I think the most important thing about a committed relationship, not only marriage, is it's forming a union, you and that person against the world, a team not only to raise kids but to build a life together. Some people are okay with bigger teams than others.

[–]Smarterthanlastweek2 1 insightful - 2 fun1 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

And when the kids are grown and raising their own families,

And at that point you effectively don't have kids again, so it doesn't really matter (assuming the wife has been maintaining her career), and you can do what you want, as long as you're upfront about it. But the wife deciding sex is done and she no long has to provide it while the man continues to support her doesn't work. Once she starts declining her wifely duties, he should be able to look elsewhere, and shouldn't have to pay a financial penalty for it.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

assuming the wife has been maintaining her career)

Who's raising the kids if both parents are working? We doubled our labor force, halved our value, and work twice as hard for the same thing while neglecting our children. I don't see that as a good thing. And then to just abandon someone you love for the sake of an already non-traditional modern family?

[–]Smarterthanlastweek2 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Who's raising the kids if both parents are working?

While the kids are small, one parent can take time off to raise them. Once they start going to school, they can start working part time. When they're in their teens they can work full time. But I agree, a full time stay at home parent is best if you can afford it. If we didn't do so much overseas manufacturing there would be a greater demand for American labor, and the American worker could demand a higher wage.

[–]JasonCarswell 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

If you don't have kids, why even bother getting married?

A committed life partnership.

By your logic all old or sterile people who can't produce children should get divorced.

[–]Smarterthanlastweek2 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

A committed life partnership.

How's that working out for you? 50% of marriages end in divorce already. Only costs $150.

By your logic all old or sterile people who can't produce children should get divorced.

If you want to stay together, do. If you don't being married's not going to stop you.