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[–]Vulptex 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (8 children)

I'm not good at anything at all. I guess my brain is rewired to optimize at male primal roles but my heart just isn't in those things. I'm pretty much a mistake. I'm kinda smart but can't do anything, and even if I could my emotions are too tanked for me to enjoy it as much as I should.

[–]Node 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (7 children)

You're good at communicating in English text, which, ironically, makes you poor at self-assessment. There are probably other skills and abilities you possess that you're discounting too.

I'm pretty much a mistake. I'm kinda smart but can't do anything

You're also good at negative self-talk. The problem with that, which you seem to be experiencing... Is that we tend to believe what we tell ourselves. That in turn (our beliefs about ourselves) has a major effect on how we perform.

It is my guess that a major part of your issue stems from your constant barrage of self-talk claiming that you suck.

even if I could my emotions are too tanked for me to enjoy it as much as I should.

Further, I bet you would experience a noticeable change in your outlook and emotional responses if you were to eliminate that "I really suck" self-talk, and replace it with more positive statements. I mean, it's like you have a troll following you around 24 hours per day telling you you suck. That would be wearing on anyone.

[–]Vulptex 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (6 children)

Pretty much everyone is good at speaking their native language lol. You can't deny the results. It's not my mindset either because it was like a switch just flipped one day at about the age I was entering puberty. It serves a practical purpose for the species but it sucks for me. I have autism which means I have to be able to do my special interests or I will become extremely frustrated, and both my development and social expectations are completely misaligned with that. I no longer have the ability to do them nor will society usually afford me with hardly any time to spend on them, because men are supposed to be workaholics doing everything for women. I also need emotional depth and sensory vividness in my life or I will go insane. That was taken from me too. I'm supposed to focus exclusively on working, impressing women, providing for women, and passing my genes to babies, and my brain and body gave up everything for that to my dismay. I guess I'm supposed to like it but I'm not even sure I'm human anymore, nothing they do makes any sense to me. And I honestly don't see why I should have flesh at all, I was always confused about why ghosts would go so far to inhabit a body again because to me that's like being released from prison and wanting to break back in. My existence serves a purely practical purpose to society and nothing else, my well-being be damned. And when I do go insane, I'm seen as a burden, a manipulative jerk, or even a creep. I have lots of problems but I at least want my mind back. And seeing people who are exactly like me but never had to deal with most of this is just even more irritating.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

If you're autistic and need this level of self maintenance to keep from meltdown mode, worry not about passing on your lineage. Potentially passing that onto another human is cruel and inconsiderate. Absolve yourself of the self-imposed responsibility of breeding and go do whatever it is that you do to keep your mind healthy and busy. Society will not mind.

[–]Vulptex 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

They will, because I will be punished if I fail to perform. All women are expected to do is exist.

But the bigger issue is my mental state. I cannot change that. My emotions and senses are stuck like this, and I will not regain the abilities I lost because my brain is still focused on sexual functions. I'm developing to be a better hunter and provider and more impressive to women and I don't want to do any of that.

It's a paradox. If I try to do something else I'm going against nature and can never be happy due to opposing my very biology. If I do my natural role, I can never be happy because I'm going against myself.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

Nope. Anyone woman that you would end up with will be punished because you see them the way that you do, and having to put up with that combined with your emotional outbursts is not going to work out well for anyone that wants children. Women generally don't want a partner that is effectively a child. Get on disability, do things involving your interests, do whatever you want. Please don't seek out someone to have children with. No one wants to be stuck with another person that just sees them as an inconvenience and obligation. That's bullshit.

[–]Vulptex 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

That's not even what I said

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Ok. An obligation is something that you feel compelled to do for the sake of 'x' reasoning. You feel obligated towards working a job that you do not want to perform for the sake of societal expectations within a particular sect of society. You show vitriol towards women in many instances, but I'll quote you here:

Society will always hold very high expectations from me and want me to give the fruits of my labor to them and to women. If you don't believe me, why are men almost always breadwinners and women, if they work, usually get a part time hobby job that's not serious about making income? Why are women always saved first from disasters? Why do women get handed everything in a divorce? Why do women only get 1/6th the prison time as men for the exact same crime? Why are men homeless but women cared for by society? Why are men considered creeps for the same things women are applauded for? Why does the man have to pay on the date? Why are men scolded for having personal issues but women are given support? Why are men always portrayed as workaholics but women as hobbyists and the ones making purchases (with mens' money usually)?

[–]Vulptex 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's not just a social expectation. If I don't fulfill it society will actively punish me. If all they could do was mock me for not being enough of a man I wouldn't care.