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[–]cqtz 3 insightful - 4 fun3 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 4 fun -  (33 children)

The almost perfect. The best example I've found by far is /u/cqtz, who does everything perfectly at a savant level, even things she has barely any experience with. There are a few other users across ruqqus and reddit but I don't think they're on this site.

No, I'm not actually perfect. I have some issues with procrastination, lack of motivation, laziness, etc. And even for the things I like, I wouldn't say I'm "good" or "great" at doing many of those things. It's probably just that I became interested in something and learned some surface level knowledge about it. If there's something I'm good at, I've probably had quite a bit of experience with it.

[–]Vulptex 3 insightful - 4 fun3 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 4 fun -  (20 children)

Yet you still do everything perfectly in an insanely short amount of time, despite laziness and procrastination and lack of motivation. Your coding is genius (even though you're not a programmer), your art looks like it was produced by a megacorp, you have tons of creative ideas and humor, and you're extremely good at communication and easily influence people. And your "surface level" knowledge in some subjects looks like rocket science next to most peoples' 10 years of study. 99% of people don't even approach your level at one thing in a lifetime, let alone so many different ones. You're just a natural at a ton of things, and there's some quality about that which forcing it through practice and learning simply can't make up for.

And that's what I'm jealous of, because despite somewhat high intelligence I don't really have any natural talent anywhere, and in fact it seems to get worse with time. Even if I dedicate my whole life to one specific endeavor I'll never be capable of half as much as you. You're one of several people like that but I think I'm jealous of you the most because you're the most like me, you are almost a living image of what I wish I was but can't even get close to. Maybe I'm a failed clone of you. Please don't let me bug you though, I'm like a parasite who ruins everything he touches. I kind of feel cursed. Maybe the best option is to stop talking or doing anything, because nothing good ever seems to come from me.

[–]cqtz 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (19 children)

Thanks for the compliments. Maybe I am a "natural" at some things, but I don't become "good" at something in just a few days. I usually need some experience/practice too. Example: I wasn't nearly as good at drawing ~6 years ago. But over time, I improved because I liked it, did it often, and sort of found new techniques for it. I also looked at how others did it to try to learn from them. (Also, I think you're still overestimating my abilities. I don't think I'm "2 times more capable" than you are.)

I think that you mentioned having some childhood brilliance in another comment. What were you interested in as a child, and are you still interested in these things today?

Even if I dedicate my whole life to one specific endeavor I'll never be capable of half as much as you

The way I think about it is: If you know for sure that you'll never be as good as someone else, and you can't change that, should you really be that upset about it? After all, being upset about it won't change anything, right? If it turns out that "forcing it through practice and learning" can actually help you break the ceiling, that's great. If it doesn't, at least you're still better than you used to be, right?

Maybe the best option is to stop talking or doing anything, because nothing good ever seems to come from me.

I don't think that's the best way to act. I find that when I think that (I sometimes notice how talented others are and start thinking about how I'll never be as good as them, so I do nothing, and I get these thoughts again later), I don't really feel better. I find that trying to do something (i.e. "making progress", even when it's nothing compared to others) makes me feel better though. I'm not sure if it will be the same for you. You were working on a few projects earlier this year, right?

Please don't let me bug you though

Honestly, it's true that I don't know how to reply to comments like these because they're rather general. I don't know much about talent, skill, and things like that. I like talking about specific interests though.

[–]Vulptex 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (18 children)

Thanks for the compliments. Maybe I am a "natural" at some things, but I don't become "good" at something in just a few days. I usually need some experience/practice too. Example: I wasn't nearly as good at drawing ~6 years ago. But over time, I improved because I liked it, did it often, and sort of found new techniques for it. I also looked at how others did it to try to learn from them. (Also, I think you're still overestimating my abilities. I don't think I'm "2 times more capable" than you are.)

Same, but I have no ideas, don't know what I'm doing, and my result is a complete mess. After spending a ton longer on something much smaller. And "some things" is a bit of an underestimate, it's more like "almost everything that exists".

I think that you mentioned having some childhood brilliance in another comment. What were you interested in as a child, and are you still interested in these things today?

Same things. But I was better back then. I was smarter, more creative, and had more talent, similar to you. And my world was colorful and fun. But as I got older it all became blocked and I've failed to regain it ever since. Even my ability to feel fun or happy was pretty much nerfed. This is what triggered my depression.

The way I think about it is: If you know for sure that you'll never be as good as someone else, and you can't change that, should you really be that upset about it? After all, being upset about it won't change anything, right? If it turns out that "forcing it through practice and learning" can actually help you break the ceiling, that's great. If it doesn't, at least you're still better than you used to be, right?

I stop getting better at a certain point. I can improve slightly at minor points but overall I've actually gone backwards since childhood. My brain simply cannot do the same things it used to, and definitely not what yours can do. I can't stop being upset about it because otherwise I have nothing good to do. I like to make things that I will use and I simply can't. I'm a very unique person like you, but trapped in a simple body that can't manage it.

I don't think that's the best way to act. I find that when I think that (I sometimes notice how talented others are and start thinking about how I'll never be as good as them, so I do nothing, and I get these thoughts again later), I don't really feel better. I find that trying to do something (i.e. "making progress", even when it's nothing compared to others) makes me feel better though. I'm not sure if it will be the same for you. You were working on a few projects earlier this year, right?

Yeah, and it legit took me months to roll out that crap. It literally takes me 3 hours as an experienced programmer to fix a bug that you'd sniff out in 2 minutes of thinking just by glancing at my code. And I have no idea how to implement crap either, I have no creativity at all anymore. It's like in math, I can do it, and at a quite high level, but only after someone tells me exactly how to do it and I memorize the exact step by step process. Ask me to figure the stupidest thing out and I'm toast. And even if I finally finished a small project after like 2 years, it'd still be crap code and slow and very buggy. Similar to my drawings, and my writing, and my ideas. It's like a building that falls apart because all the screws are loose.

[–]Node 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (17 children)

What if you dropped those things you say you suck at, and did something else? For example, what is the point of spending two years on something that will be crap, slow, and buggy?

Similar to my drawings, and my writing, and my ideas.

So you're not good at coding, drawing, and writing, which are all pretty similar. What are you good at? Or, what haven't you tried to know if you're good at it or not?

[–]Vulptex 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (16 children)

I'm not good at anything at all. I guess my brain is rewired to optimize at male primal roles but my heart just isn't in those things. I'm pretty much a mistake. I'm kinda smart but can't do anything, and even if I could my emotions are too tanked for me to enjoy it as much as I should.

[–]Node 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (15 children)

You're good at communicating in English text, which, ironically, makes you poor at self-assessment. There are probably other skills and abilities you possess that you're discounting too.

I'm pretty much a mistake. I'm kinda smart but can't do anything

You're also good at negative self-talk. The problem with that, which you seem to be experiencing... Is that we tend to believe what we tell ourselves. That in turn (our beliefs about ourselves) has a major effect on how we perform.

It is my guess that a major part of your issue stems from your constant barrage of self-talk claiming that you suck.

even if I could my emotions are too tanked for me to enjoy it as much as I should.

Further, I bet you would experience a noticeable change in your outlook and emotional responses if you were to eliminate that "I really suck" self-talk, and replace it with more positive statements. I mean, it's like you have a troll following you around 24 hours per day telling you you suck. That would be wearing on anyone.

[–]Vulptex 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (14 children)

Pretty much everyone is good at speaking their native language lol. You can't deny the results. It's not my mindset either because it was like a switch just flipped one day at about the age I was entering puberty. It serves a practical purpose for the species but it sucks for me. I have autism which means I have to be able to do my special interests or I will become extremely frustrated, and both my development and social expectations are completely misaligned with that. I no longer have the ability to do them nor will society usually afford me with hardly any time to spend on them, because men are supposed to be workaholics doing everything for women. I also need emotional depth and sensory vividness in my life or I will go insane. That was taken from me too. I'm supposed to focus exclusively on working, impressing women, providing for women, and passing my genes to babies, and my brain and body gave up everything for that to my dismay. I guess I'm supposed to like it but I'm not even sure I'm human anymore, nothing they do makes any sense to me. And I honestly don't see why I should have flesh at all, I was always confused about why ghosts would go so far to inhabit a body again because to me that's like being released from prison and wanting to break back in. My existence serves a purely practical purpose to society and nothing else, my well-being be damned. And when I do go insane, I'm seen as a burden, a manipulative jerk, or even a creep. I have lots of problems but I at least want my mind back. And seeing people who are exactly like me but never had to deal with most of this is just even more irritating.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

If you're autistic and need this level of self maintenance to keep from meltdown mode, worry not about passing on your lineage. Potentially passing that onto another human is cruel and inconsiderate. Absolve yourself of the self-imposed responsibility of breeding and go do whatever it is that you do to keep your mind healthy and busy. Society will not mind.

[–]Vulptex 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

They will, because I will be punished if I fail to perform. All women are expected to do is exist.

But the bigger issue is my mental state. I cannot change that. My emotions and senses are stuck like this, and I will not regain the abilities I lost because my brain is still focused on sexual functions. I'm developing to be a better hunter and provider and more impressive to women and I don't want to do any of that.

It's a paradox. If I try to do something else I'm going against nature and can never be happy due to opposing my very biology. If I do my natural role, I can never be happy because I'm going against myself.

[–]Node 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

Ah, I can see how autism could be a problem.

because men are supposed to be workaholics doing everything for women.

Who is telling you this? That's just for the normie workhorses who don't know any better. People with autism (and other non-normies) can just ignore that bullshit. Practically speaking, that's a good way to end up losing everything you've ever done or created.

I guess I'm supposed to like it but I'm not even sure I'm human anymore, nothing they do makes any sense to me.

Your expectations for humans is probably set way too high. They do not make sense, and the vast majority are so easily manipulated that they end up living as people do in our society.

If you'd really like to have your mind blown, spend some years acquiring marketing and other 'influence' skills. Not sure if the autism would help or hurt there, but the experience would open your eyes to the true nature of people. (Don't actually do this unless you want to be even more separated from your fellow humans.)

As for the "supposed to" part, no. But if your autism has put you in a position where you're having to please case workers or bosses, then you'll probably have to play along with them to some extent.

I don't want to do any of that. (from next comment)

Then don't. If you think people don't make sense now, getting a human female emotionally attached to you would be asking for trouble. You know why police hate domestic disputes? It's because they often drive people insane. Given your autism, that might not be what you need in your life.

Anyway, that's my way too long reply.

[–]Vulptex 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

I don't. But I can barely do any of the things I like any more because all of my development for the better part of a decade now has been invested into that (against my wishes).

[–]Vulptex 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (11 children)

A person who has never made mistakes? That seems very hard to find, almost impossible! Why would I miss out on an opportunity to meet such a person?

You already know someone like that. It's you! I'm not kidding, you are that type who does everything right. I've never seen you make a single mistake, even when it's nearly impossible not to. If you do, it's rare and tiny. I was at least half as good as you when I was younger but for some reason when puberty came I hit rock bottom and it keeps getting worse and I don't know what to do, and I think I'll probably be stuck like this forever and ever and ever.

[–]cqtz 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (10 children)

I don't think that I'm the person you think I am lol. I think it's because when you're online, you don't have to show everything to the world. You don't have to talk about any decisions you regret, how you regularly feel, etc. If you've been working on something for years and failed 5 times, you still only have to show the final form of the product (this isn't about me, but I think it can apply to anyone). I think that's why I seem "perfect" to you when I'm not.

[–]Vulptex 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (7 children)

It's because you usually spend only a few hours total even on things that would take me months to even make a messy version of it. After the same amount of practice as you had.

[–]cqtz 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (6 children)

This is unrelated to this comment, but are you learning Hebrew? I think you've mentioned that you're not Jewish, but yet you're posting a lot of comments in Hebrew.

[–]Vulptex 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

I'm also an adult male native English speaker who lives in an English speaking country. That's about the worst possible circumstance to be in for learning other languages, so I couldn't do it even if I was serious about it (and I know because I've tried other ones before).

[–]cqtz 3 insightful - 4 fun3 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

Oh, ok. I just think languages are cool, so I get excited seeing foreign languages in the wild.

I'm also an adult male native English speaker who lives in an English speaking country. That's about the worst possible circumstance to be in for learning other languages

Yeah, it does seem so. In non-English-speaking countries, it's common to learn English because of its widespread use and because of how advantageous it is. In English-speaking countries, you already know English.

(You don't have to learn other languages if you're not interested or if they seem too hard. That's perfectly fine.)

[–]Vulptex 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Even in other countries I hear the natives refuse to speak to you in their language. And even if they didn't it's just easier to converse in english. Also the adult brain is bad at picking up new languages. So is the male brain. And english is the simplest, most devoid of concepts and grammer language in existence. So someone from Scandinavia can easily pick up english by merely learning the words and knowing what extra grammatical concepts not to use, while the other way around with an english speaker trying to learn their language is extremely hard because they don't know their higher concepts.

[–]Vulptex 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Not really, I just know enough words to annoy nazis

[–]cqtz 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

Ah, ok. I was asking because I think that language learning is a cool hobby. It's just one that takes a lot of dedication. (And me, myself, not having enough dedication to actually spend effort on learning to read, write, and speak a language, am also only learning a few words in other languages. I still think languages are cool though.)

If you like languages, I once found something cool online. They're sample problems from some "Linguistics Olympiad" thing (they're basically just puzzles). I've only tried a few of them, and many were too hard for me, but yeah, it's just for fun.

[–]Vulptex 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, it's too hard, I'm actually on the same page as you there.

In case you were wondering, yes, this is how nearly every hobby feels for me. I can improve to a point but in the end I'm just not able to get it.

[–]Vulptex 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I don't think that I'm the person you think I am lol. I think it's because when you're online, you don't have to show everything to the world. You don't have to talk about any decisions you regret, how you regularly feel, etc. If you've been working on something for years and failed 5 times, you still only have to show the final form of the product (this isn't about me, but I think it can apply to anyone). I think that's why I seem "perfect" to you when I'm not.

You still have WAY more to show than me. Like to the 10th power amount more. I don't show everything online either, but you still have to be capable of at least as much as you share online, and I'm not even able to do tiny a fraction of what you do, sometimes with a good bit less experience than me, and that's just out of what you do decide to share. I'm not denying that you have problems, that'd be a ridiculous notion unless you're some kind of otherworldly being or a made up person, which I highly doubt.

Basically what bothers me is you're just a better person than me in general. That's normal, but you get to me in particular because you are extremely similar to me. Just a lot nicer, better genes, a lot more talented, more level headed and together, smarter, and basically everything I have always wished I was.

[–]Vulptex 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I just don't know what to do. I'm basically a botched version of you. We're so similar except that my screws are loose. I feel like you trapped in someone elses' body, I want many of the same things as you but my brain and body are not fit to carry them out. I've been trying to plug along my whole life dealing with this, then along comes you, a working version of me, having almost every ideal and quality that I always wished I had. I don't think there's anything that can ever fix this. I think I'm a mistake.