Thanks for the compliments. Maybe I am a "natural" at some things, but I don't become "good" at something in just a few days. I usually need some experience/practice too. Example: I wasn't nearly as good at drawing ~6 years ago. But over time, I improved because I liked it, did it often, and sort of found new techniques for it. I also looked at how others did it to try to learn from them. (Also, I think you're still overestimating my abilities. I don't think I'm "2 times more capable" than you are.)

Same, but I have no ideas, don't know what I'm doing, and my result is a complete mess. After spending a ton longer on something much smaller. And "some things" is a bit of an underestimate, it's more like "almost everything that exists".

I think that you mentioned having some childhood brilliance in another comment. What were you interested in as a child, and are you still interested in these things today?

Same things. But I was better back then. I was smarter, more creative, and had more talent, similar to you. And my world was colorful and fun. But as I got older it all became blocked and I've failed to regain it ever since. Even my ability to feel fun or happy was pretty much nerfed. This is what triggered my depression.

The way I think about it is: If you know for sure that you'll never be as good as someone else, and you can't change that, should you really be that upset about it? After all, being upset about it won't change anything, right? If it turns out that "forcing it through practice and learning" can actually help you break the ceiling, that's great. If it doesn't, at least you're still better than you used to be, right?

I stop getting better at a certain point. I can improve slightly at minor points but overall I've actually gone backwards since childhood. My brain simply cannot do the same things it used to, and definitely not what yours can do. I can't stop being upset about it because otherwise I have nothing good to do. I like to make things that I will use and I simply can't. I'm a very unique person like you, but trapped in a simple body that can't manage it.

I don't think that's the best way to act. I find that when I think that (I sometimes notice how talented others are and start thinking about how I'll never be as good as them, so I do nothing, and I get these thoughts again later), I don't really feel better. I find that trying to do something (i.e. "making progress", even when it's nothing compared to others) makes me feel better though. I'm not sure if it will be the same for you. You were working on a few projects earlier this year, right?

Yeah, and it legit took me months to roll out that crap. It literally takes me 3 hours as an experienced programmer to fix a bug that you'd sniff out in 2 minutes of thinking just by glancing at my code. And I have no idea how to implement crap either, I have no creativity at all anymore. It's like in math, I can do it, and at a quite high level, but only after someone tells me exactly how to do it and I memorize the exact step by step process. Ask me to figure the stupidest thing out and I'm toast. And even if I finally finished a small project after like 2 years, it'd still be crap code and slow and very buggy. Similar to my drawings, and my writing, and my ideas. It's like a building that falls apart because all the screws are loose.