Is it too late? Is it even worth it at this point?

submitted by Philliy from (self.Lesbians)

So I'm 28 soon to be 29, and I've never been in a relationship before. I've slept with one woman, but that was almost ten years ago. I was abused(mentally and physically) by my mother's side of the family, which led to a lot of self-esteem issues( it also didn't help that I was shy) and I never developed those social skills to confidently talk to a women much less tell if they were interested in me. I've always resolved to just be nice to every women I'm interested in because I just can't tell, and I wouldn't know how to take the next step.

I've been questioning lately if trying to get into a relationship now is even worth it. My coworkers who were in relationships and who are now single say don't do it, not worth it. But then I see couples and I want that. By social standards I'm still young, so people will say I have time.

However, I know I want to settle down soon if I did meet someone, but I wasted my dating years not dating. I don't know how long it will take to find someone willing to date someone my age who's never been in a long term relationship much less settle down. What's worse is I just got my own place alone, and while I enjoy the silence and space I feel like there's a big hole needing to be filled.

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[–]reader 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I see regularly similar posts in different spaces and you are not alone. I would guess, that there are more women like you, than you think. The only problem, you girls don't even try to meet each other. Also try taking care of your issues first. A partner is not your personal therapists.

[–]Destresse 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, I understand. I daydream about getting a girlfriend and stuff but then I wonder, would I even be able to handle it? I don't know. I don't get along with many people, i need a lot a lot a lot of alone time, so not only is my dating pool limited by my sexuality, it's also limited by my personality lol.

I tried dating apps and at first it was fine, but after some time of finding no one I could really connect with I gave up. I like in-person contact way better but I'm such an introvert that's basically statistically impossible.

So here I am now. Getting closer and closer to 30, with zero romantic experience haha. I just don't know how to change it. At 22, I thought I was already too old so I put this pressure on myself and the years just made it worse. Now I feel kind of paralyzed and very sad about it, but what can I do, I mean. That's my own fault and I have no idea how to fix it.

I'd say go for it. What do you have to lose? If nothing is holding you back except the fear of disappointment then you should absolutely try!

[–]begonia_skies 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I guess I don't understand what you are truly trying to ask here, my dad is in his 60s and dating, so is it too late... no? But I think you know that. Relationships are difficult, I can tell you they are great but it's a lot of pressure to put on someone who is their own person and has their own flaws to fill a hole within you. Honestly, as the other commenter mentioned, I think working with a therapist on your mentioned self-esteem issues would go a long way to ensure you are in a place to be a partner to someone rather than hoping someone else will "fix" those issues. I'm speaking from personal experience here!

[–]Philliy[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I was more or less asking if it's worth it at this point. And I know I still have work to do when it comes to myself. I've made a lot of progress since I turned 18, but still being somewhat of a hot mess at my age, I'd wondered if it there was a point to it. I'm definitely not looking for someone to fix me. I do have a hole that I feel needs to be filled, but I've witnessed so many of my family members use their partners to try and "fix" them, and I'd never do that. I've seen the damage it does.

[–]asparagus1 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

super relatable post. you're not alone.

[–]Athelhilda2 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm in a similar situation as you are, minus the abuse and having had sex. Unlike you, though, I don't know what my sexuality is. I wouldn't say it's too late, perhaps you should try joining a MeetUp or maybe even try online dating. You'll have to go through all the unicorn hunters, men, and trans women, but it will at least help you get your feet wet.