Feeling Misunderstood by My Therapist

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[–]storyendingnever 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Thanks for posting. This is difficult stuff, and it can be hard to talk about even in supportive online groups when you're feeling frustrated (among other complicated and heavy emotions).

I'm not a therapist, but I have a few degrees in psych, so I know the crazy world of psychologists and social workers all too well. It is really hard to find one that works for you on all the levels you need (kind of like dating, except that you are paying the latter for their time, and the relationship is, by definition, a power imbalance). I'd first suggest to ditch the current therapist. As soon as these types start talking about non-binary and gender dysphoria issues, you know they are full of shit, aren't that intelligent themselves, and absolutely should have their credentials stripped from them ASAP. Seriously abusive, anti-science nonsense. Sorry, I get angry just thinking about this and the damage these people do.

As for finding a new one, have you thought about finding one online through a professional organization where you can browse their specialties? Sometimes online listings are searchable and therapists may have profiles you can read about (listing therapy types, population specialties, etc). I am not sure where you're located and whether you have a really large pool to choose from, but sometimes, it can be hard to find niche therapists in your local area.

I really wish you luck in finding what you need. No one should live with undeserved shame, and having to justify yourself to someone who doesn't really have your best interests at heart, while you're paying them at the same time, seems like cruel and unusual punishment.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

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    [–]storyendingnever 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    the one upside to being raised in (basically) a cult is that I am now hyper aware of the characteristics of toxic ideologies

    I hear you on this. I had a different, but equally messed up upbringing, and that kind of experience really gives you a strange set of skills - nothing that is useful on a resume, mind you, but still. That people grow up in situations where they end up with this kind of 'expertise' in life at all really bites...

    [–]WildwoodFlower 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    From what you have written here, I would suggest a new therapist, preferably someone who understands toxic religious environments. And by all means, steer clear of anyone who is pushing trans/non-binary jabberwocky.

    [–]soundsituation 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    As soon as I mentioned feeling uncomfortable in my body, she started talking about Gender Dysphoria and suggesting I might be non-binary.

    Imo this is bad therapy. And I don't say that out of personal bias against gender theism but because therapists, generally, are supposed to help patients generate their own insights. They're not supposed to give out advice unless a patient has already expressed an ambition.

    My therapist also keeps pushing me to find LGBT support groups and I just can't do it

    This is also weird. It's not odd or bad for a therapist to encourage a patient to expand their support system, but pushiness is just antithetical to progress, and insisting upon LGBT groups in particular is ideological/identitarian. (Btw, Jonathan Haidt argues that woke culture acts like reverse CBT in that it prioritizes group identity over the individual and seeks to aggravate navel-gazing grievances rather than teach emotional regulation and personal responsibility)

    What has worked for you

    This is overly simplistic but what has worked for me is seeking out therapists over the age of 50

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]soundsituation 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      So glad to hear it! In my experience it's not an easy decision to leave a therapist, as the qualities we evaluate them by are not necessarily as intuitive as they are for friends, partners and anyone else we choose to keep in our lives. But based on what you've shared here it really does sound like your current therapeutic relationship isn't helping you. Have you tried Psychology Today's "find a therapist" tool? It lets you filter by mental health issue, therapeutic modality, age, sex, familiarity with gay and lesbian issues, etc. It also shows therapists who specialize in transgender issues, so if it seems like that's their main "thing" you'll know up front that they're probably not right for you.

      I feel like some support groups have a tendency to focus on victimization, which has just not been helpful for me.

      I appreciate this insight. Emotional support is a necessary but insufficient condition for productive counseling.

      [–]Gacho666 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      It is good that you look for another therapist, will you tell him the reason why you change it? I think it would be good for you to realize what you are doing, maybe reflect and not continue to suggest dysphoria to other patients.