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[–]LesChameleon 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Let me tell you my experience of living with comphet (as I am not from the US, but from a rather conservative Catholic country).

I was born in a small town, and growing up, I noticed that I'd sometimes suddenly want to get closer to a certain girl from my school or neighborhood. Back then, I used to think "Oh, she's so cool! How come I didn't notice her before? I really wanna become her friend!". So, I'd go on and actually get closer to the girl in a typical friendly way and interpreted that as just a really strong friendship. Cue: most of these strong friendships would only last for 4-8 months because 1) I kinda wanted more (but at that time didn't know that I craved a romantic relationship) and I would get jealous if she spent more time with other people, 2) the girl eventually gets a boyfriend and I am left with this confusing feeling that I just can't pinpoint and thought like "damn, I wish I was that guy so I could date her". Never once before I graduated HS did it occur to me that I could actually date a girl without being a guy. Why?

When all you see around is heterosexual relationships + religion + small town with no openly LGBT couples (or if there are it was never lesbians, just gay men), it really creates something in your mind that just makes you think that the attraction you feel for girls is invalid or "just in your head" and that "you just haven't met the right guy yet". So, I just remained single in high school (waited for the right guy lol) and then thankfully I moved away for college to a place where I actually met lesbians so things fell into place after a couple of years. In between, I once actually confused the platonic, friendly feelings for a male friend as attraction, but anything physical literally repulsed me, while, with a girl, even simple things as kissing drove me crazy. So the physical cues were a dead giveaway for me, but I can also totally understand how someone else can remain in denial for years.

What I really can't understand though, is someone claiming to be a lesbian while actually being in a long-term relationship or marriage with a guy. I also once dated a girl who had previously been in only one relationship, 4 years with a guy, and after that she only dated girls and claimed she was a lesbian. I was curious about it and she said that she "had feelings for him because he had a nice personality, but she didn't enjoy sex". To this day, I don't understand if girls like her are actually bisexual, or if they just don't know how to recognize the signs their bodies send them and settle for something because it's accepted in society. (Note: she also comes from a very dysfunctional family so she never had a model relationship to look up to, and I am sure this affected her perception of relationship and sexuality.)

[–]QueenOfTheNorth[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Are you from Poland by any chance? I'm originally from there but emigrated when I was 6 to live in England, which I consider myself very lucky for having done. You don't have to answer if you were ambiguous for privacy reasons though!

That's very interesting and I really appreciate hearing your perspective. I can intensely relate to the strong female friendships, all throughout primary school and highschool for me too, I always got very close and over protective with friends. One at a time. I used to tell people that I would marry my best friend and we'd live together in a cottage. There was one girl when I was maybe 10 or 11 who I completely adored, and when we played pretend I'd always make belief that I was a boy so we could play girlfriends and boyfriends. Silly kids stuff, obviously, but I think in retrospect it was a sign. I always showed zero interest in boys and I didn't understand why some of the girls started getting over the boys-have-cooties phase and developed crushes during puberty. The boys they pointed out just seemed so plain, but I was always going on about how pretty some of the girls were, lol.

Hard relate to the thought of anything physical being repulsive with men. I think some lesbians experience repulsion towards sex with men in the same way that you'd experience repulsion towards a family member, but for other lesbians it's not repulsion but just a lack of attraction. Like, neutrality. Which can be more easily confused with being opposite sex attracted in some way, since you aren't grossed out, just frigid?

[–]LesChameleon 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Thanks for your reply :) You almost guessed it, I'm not from Poland but from one of the countries nearby...wow, that's really great that you had a chance to grow up in England. Unfortunately, certain countries in central and eastern Europe really have a long way to go in terms of LGBT rights and acceptance.

Omg, that's totally it hahah! Playing games where one of you would pretend to be a boy is also a huge sign 😂 Of course, it's only easy to spot it in retrospect, just like you said.

And I also agree with your last paragraph. Now that I think about it, I also first just felt nothing when kissing a guy, because I didn't know any better before I got the chance to kiss a girl. However, once I made out with a girl, that was so good and so intense that any thought of doing the same with a guy was repulsive haha. So, it all really makes sense...

[–]RedditHatesLesbians 9 insightful - 3 fun9 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

Just wanted to butt in and say that as someone who has dated and kissed a male, I also felt nothing. I attributed it to him just being a bad kisser and my own inexperience, or people overhyping kissing. I even googled "people who don't like making out" to look for similar stories and came across some, but they were mostly germaphobes who didn't like it because they thought spit was gross. I thought I was just broken and would just sit there while being kissed, completely inactive. You know, like the scene from But I'm A Cheerleader? Literally, lmao. It just felt weird, wet, gross and unappealing

Let's just say that making out with a girl rocked my world...

[–]reluctant_commenter 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I attributed it to him just being a bad kisser and my own inexperience, or people overhyping kissing. I even googled "people who don't like making out" to look for similar stories and came across some, but they were mostly germaphobes who didn't like it because they thought spit was gross.

Lmao I googled that, too!! I felt disappointed, and for a while I assumed that movies just overhyped kissing.

[–]LesChameleon 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Totally relate to this hahaha.