all 40 comments

[–]ShotsFired 25 insightful - 19 fun25 insightful - 18 fun26 insightful - 19 fun -  (5 children)

Do bisexual women even date bisexual women? 🥴

[–]hunther 24 insightful - 5 fun24 insightful - 4 fun25 insightful - 5 fun -  (3 children)

Nope. They go after the lesbians cause they know majority of bi women end up with a men anyways.

[–]BigMommyMilkers 26 insightful - 13 fun26 insightful - 12 fun27 insightful - 13 fun -  (2 children)

I saw a woman walking down the street today with a bisexual flag pattern as a mask

...She was hand in hand with her boyfriend. If that isn't perfect representation of bi women I don't know what is. I'M SO GAY! EVERYONE MUST KNOW...I'm in a long term heterosexual relationship btw

[–]Wot 13 insightful - 3 fun13 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

They seem to take issue with calling their relationships heterosexual now because they are bisexual. So they're saying that because they're bisexual that makes the relationship a bisexual relationship and if you don't comply you're biphobic. I shit you not.

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

or a "queer" relationship with their boyfriend.

[–]TalerTest 13 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Nope lol

[–]Golly 32 insightful - 1 fun32 insightful - 0 fun33 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Personally, no. I feel like I relate better to other lesbians.

[–]MannyMandrake 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Same here. It's got nothing to do with them.

[–][deleted] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

exactly this reason. I just have more in common life experience wise to lesbians

[–]votkriscan 25 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 0 fun26 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I would honestly prefer to have a lesbian partner of the type I'm attracted to. Because we have the same mutual experiences, like being exclusively attracted to women where it is not something you can just opt out of. That said, there are of course bisexual women who are quite romantic. But whether they are willing to be in long-haul relationships with women is a different story, however.

[–]oofreesouloo 24 insightful - 1 fun24 insightful - 0 fun25 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

I haven't been here for a while, decided to lurk today and liked this post lmao. So, my answer:

It depends, but honestly I've grown to be very cautious of bi women. I've come to realise (the hard way) that lesbians and bi women, despite sharing same sex attraction, have total different life experiences and struggles. They just don't get what we have to go through, honestly (as I won't get their struggles). My point is that we see the world in a considerable different way... Having said this, it's not that I promptly exclude bi women from my dating pool, but it's a fact that I'll be very picky in pursuing or not a bi woman. First off, she NEEDS to be out to mostly everyone, including her family. And she needs to be a very confident woman, meaning she takes pride in being bi and knows what she wants. Like, if you're bi, just own it. I find that it's rare to find this kind of confident bi women. Usually what I see is bi women hiding behind straight relationships and having same sex affairs once in a while. Huge turn off, and it's not because of the bisexuality.

[–]RedditHatesLesbians[S] 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I feel this 100%. Last year I was completely in love with one of my bi friends, asked her out and she actually said yes. I was ecstatic. Because of lockdown we didn't see each other all that much but we texted constantly and face timed, we'd go to sleep together while on call to one another. Anyway, after a while when lockdown stopped for a few months over here we visited each other, spent lots of time together but she didn't want to go past holding hands, not even kissing. I respected her boundaries and it was her first relationship ever, and we're only young, I was 17 then and she was 18 but after a few months more of refusing to act like a couple and just treating me like her best gal pal I gave up. Now she's dating some dude, posting pictures of them kissing online and raving to everyone about him while she tried to keep our relationship on the down low. It really hurts, not doing that again

[–]LesChameleon 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Damn, this is spot on! Same here, and it really took me a lot to figure it out (also the had way) 😂

[–]reluctant_commenter 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I haven't been here for a while, decided to lurk today and liked this post lmao.

Same haha.

edit: And I agree with you, I have a similar mentality towards bi women.

[–]yousaythosethings 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes, I would have similar terms to consider a serious relationship with a bisexual woman. For something far more casual, I don't care as much. I think an out, confident bi woman who owns her sexuality and doesn't pretend it's the same as being lesbian is crucial. Then we would be on common ground. Also I think being at least as attracted to women as they are to men would be ideal. 100% into both men and women would be fine because it's not the attraction to men I would take issue with, but the lesser attraction to women. I just would feel worlds apart from someone who is way more oriented toward heterosexual partnerships. Because attraction to women does feel special and magical sometimes (I know, get a grip), I like bonding over that with my partner. My current partner is a lesbian and it's interesting how we are so different in our life experiences but then also have a lot of relatable experiences both being lesbians. For someone my age I don't know anyone who came out earlier than her, whereas I came out later than anyone I know who is my age. And yet we have a lot of common ground and there's so much to bond over.

[–]piylot 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Preference for lesbians but if I met someone I liked and was compatible with then bisexual is fine

[–]reluctant_commenter 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes, I would absolutely date a woman who is actually bisexual. The problem is that many straight women are pressured to self-identify as bisexual because "bisexual = openminded" according to trans rights activists, so it's hard to tell who actually is bisexual. It can get discouraging to see so many women claiming to be bisexual and then be like "ew vaginas are gross" or some shit.

I think I would really like a lesbian as a partner just because I think we would relate more in worldview. I'm not gonna cut out a sizeable portion of my potential dating pool just because of that, though.

The responses you get might be a little skewed-- I stopped reading/participating in this sub so much, and know a few others who did as well, because several months ago it was just bisexual-bashing after bisexual-bashing post... maybe it was just a couple of troll users at the time who were so obsessed, but it was really off-putting. I had not expected to hear so much discussion about bisexuals when I joined a lesbian sub, lol. (I think your post is fine, it just reminded me of the other ones.)

[–]Wot 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Last time I went out with a bi woman she missed dick so much she told her family I hit her as a reason why she was leaving me (because they liked me and I guess she was too stupid or lazy to come up with anything else). They came to my job, towered over me and threatened to blow my head off with a shot gun. Props to them but I think I got my bi woman experience to last a life time.

[–]strawberrysun 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'd be fine with a regular bisexual woman, although I would probably be a little turned off if she called herself pansexual or queer.

[–]MyLongestJourney 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

But I saw on the post that one of the things some people miss about r/TL is actually the bisexual bashing lol

Yeah,wanting to be with people who actually get you,is not bashing.

[–]WildwoodFlower 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yes, I would date a bisexual woman as long as she is single and monogamous. I am not interested in being somebody's side dish. Then again, the same is true for any lesbian I might date.

I figure if I restrict myself to a "lesbians-only" dating pool, that leaves me with a very small number of women to choose from. There just aren't a lot of lesbians out there, and all of the ones I know are married/partnered. And just because someone is a lesbian, that doesn't automatically makes us compatible.

[–]Shinyowl 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My reply is the same as yours. The important part is compatibility and the desire to be in a long-term, monogamous relationship.

[–]lovelyspearmint 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Being lesbians, we're in the unique position to be with a partner who will have likely experienced similar things to you, will be understanding about female things and will likely be open about their sexuality once they're in a steady relationship with you. As much as it opens up the dating pool for us, there's no ignoring the fact that most bisexual women end up with men, as a) it allows them to pass as straight and therefore bypass any stigma associated with same sex relationships, and b) they're should be able to have children naturally without resorting to surrogates or IVF. Personally, I worry that I'll waste my time with someone who isn't serious about what they want, or ultimately plans on being with a guy anyway and is wanting to experience a same sex relationship as a last hurrah. I know there are bisexual women who genuinely want to be with just women, or see women as their endgame, but most bisexual women I've known have gushed about how much they love women and had nothing but opposite sex relationships and barely pursued a female partner.

[–][deleted] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

The idea of ending up with a man just to have children is sad and can just buy stuff from a cryobank and either have it sent to your house and do it yourself or to your doctor and have them do it.

[–]lovelyspearmint 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yeah, but it's a potentially costly venture that may not pay off, whereas sex with a male partner is free.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That’s really sad that a person would do that.

[–][deleted] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

My ex is bisexual and she's the only person I've dated so far, and tbh it was difficult to relate to her. She kept bringing up how she could see herself "ending up with a guy like that" on multiple occasions, while we were in a committed relationship. I mean great, good for her, but I could never see myself ending up with a guy and I would never tell that to my partner repeatedly. I mean wtf was she getting at? And when I asked her about it, she said she was "just saying" and to stop being so insecure about it. I mean sure, I guess you could say I was insecure, but it was just exhausting to hear her talk about guys like that. To me it felt like she was saying that that's who she really wants to end up with. Also it felt like she wanted me to do all of the initiating when it came to dates, like pick the place, set it up, drive us there, etc., otherwise we wouldn't go at all. IDK if it was just a her thing or if it's true for a lot of bisexuals, but it felt odd, because it felt like there was no reciprocating. I wouldn't say I would never date another bisexual again (because I only have the experience of one person to go off of), but I do want to date another lesbian next. I can't describe it, but I feel like I would relate better to another lesbian and that it would be different, better, somehow.

[–]lil_lamb 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

i would much rather have a lesbian partner, i feel like we would relate on a lot more. plus i lowkey feel like most bi women end up with men, so i’m kinda iffy on dating them

[–]Shroomba 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

No, attraction to men repulses me.

[–]BigMommyMilkers 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)


[–][deleted] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I’m not bisexual, but I had sex with guys before I was aware that I was gay/came out. I didn’t enjoy sex with guys and I didn’t feel anything. There were always signs for what I really am, but it just took longer for me, and it can take longer for other women too. So I’m not a “gold star”, but I don’t believe that makes me any less gay. So with my past in mind I haven’t and wouldn’t say no to dating a person who has had a similar experience as me. Dating someone that’s bisexual though? No. There’s a difference between figuring out you’re gay after having different sexual experiences and being bisexual and actually enjoying sex with men. It’s a risk I wouldn’t be open to taking with someone at this stage of my life. I’ve dated bisexual women and it was frustrating and too dysfunctional for me.

[–]Lessom 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes I would. I think it’s possible to be in a satisfying relationship with certain bi women. Having said that, there are also many bi women that view women as the inferior option or are straight leaning and those women I try to avoid.

[–]Icebridge 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I definitely prefer lesbians like everyone else here but I'll consider a bi women if she's pretty and has a nice enough personality. I am much more critical of looking for red flags tho since i think its a lot riskier. I definitely dont want to be a stopgap or with someone that really idolizes men and has garbage politics lol. Idk why but i notice a a disproportionate amount of bi women are the "not all men" type even if they dont directly say it. I also really dont want to be with someone who cant conceptually understand monosexuality thus lesbianism. So many bi people believe everyone is a little bi which makes them... homophobic. So thats what i look out for.

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I personally don't care if she's bi, even if she has a preference for men. she likes me? good. nice. 10/10. but in that case I would probably ask her to not talk about men constantly, although that has nothing to do with having a preference to them (in a sense, Ive seen quite a few lesbian women who are obsessed with male characters in fiction, not in a sexual sense of course. they just find them to be good characters, and I get that, but stuff like this just makes me tired. I hope you get what I mean).

but I would say that this heavily depends on a particular bisexual woman herself. I for one have a bi friend who I have a crush on, and she's really nice to talk to, even though it seems like she prefers men over women. Although it's not a romantic relationship so It doesn't matter lmao.

but still, I would probably prefer a lesbian as a partner (especially a gnc one like me) . Simply because then it would be easier to relate to each other.

sorry this post is all over the place :D I have a hard time collecting my thoughts.

[–]knownasness 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

literally all the women i've dated have been bisexual.. but they started out as super duper lesbians. i don't care about dating right now, but if that ever changes i'd be open to it, mostly because i don't think i can escape it.

[–]PeanutAllergy 19 insightful - 7 fun19 insightful - 6 fun20 insightful - 7 fun -  (0 children)

funny how the ones who are loudest about being gay are usually straight or bi

[–]whateverbeaver 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

No way. I deserve so much better. But the thing is, I don’t trust anyone these days when they say they’re really a lesbian. Even if they are truly homosexual, woke culture has been so corrosive to the young lesbian mind that half of them will end up as hairy wastes anyway or sleeping with dudes to be “open” even if they hate it. I’m 26 years old and from NYC and have never met a confident, out lesbian who wasn’t butch, and preferring femmes myself, I’ve accepted I’ll die alone and right now I’m ok with that and it’s way better than being with someone who’s been jizzed on all over repeatedly and liked it 🤢

[–]MagnoliaxMirage 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I want to hug you, this made me sad. Don't lose hope my love ❤️

[–]Golly 2 insightful - 3 fun2 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

damn girl. Maybe relocate...?

[–]MagnoliaxMirage 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I love bisexual women. Probably because most of them are feminine and the lesbians I meet aren't usually that way.