What do you miss most about r/TrueLesbians?

submitted by piylot from self.Lesbians

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[–][deleted] 42 insightful - 4 fun42 insightful - 3 fun43 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

The number of posts.

[–]knownasness 34 insightful - 3 fun34 insightful - 2 fun35 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

the fact it was active unlike here. not having the sub be 90% memes. general woman camaraderie. and also it seemed to be a bit older than AL and all the other lesbian subs(outside of late bloomers..which..no thanks). i have no interest in hearing about teenagers and mentally ill men talk about first dates, how much they miss a girl they went on a single date with and the 289587945 memes about useless lesbianism.

[–][deleted] 25 insightful - 3 fun25 insightful - 2 fun26 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

LateBloomerLesbians just needs to get the word "lesbians" out of its fucking mouth. It was never great on the accuracy front, but it at least used to seem like it was women who were genuinely trying to come to terms with their sexualities and what the next steps were. Now it's just straight women in rainbow costumes high fiving each other over how much they turn their husbands on with the lesbian roleplay. I can't go there without getting triggered af.

[–]piylot[S] 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I miss that there was a frequency of posts and a size of community that allowed people to drop in for casual dating & relationship discussions or advice. I feel like the "lesbian" subs that admit to being all inclusive/queer come with the problems that you're getting responses from (as have been said) teenagers, males who've recently started identifying as lesbians, women who almost exclusively date heterosexually, and people who use the platform to preach their views.

[–]33799 19 insightful - 4 fun19 insightful - 3 fun20 insightful - 4 fun -  (2 children)

...some of censorshipment's comments kinda make me miss the down vote button. ;-)

Sometimes I'll use the "fun" button as a form of down voting, but then I don't know what to do about actually funny comments.

[–]lurkergirl 10 insightful - 3 fun10 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

No point to that. No one checks the breakdown of whether they have 2 insightful points and 1 funny point; they'll just see that they have three points total and get happier about it.

[–]piylot[S] 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

I use the laugh button as an actual laugh. Might have laughed because I disagreed so hard but still laughed. Saidit's format is like "if you disagree it's not important that anybody knows about it". Probably intentional on a site that's full of conspiracy theories.

[–]MyLongestJourney 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

All the other lesbians.

[–]Shroomba 18 insightful - 2 fun18 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

Actually I miss this one particular commentator from TL. I really liked her insight and writing style on all her replies. I should have dmed back then but didn't know how to start a conversation. Missed connection? 😖

[–]greenergardens 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

Remember her user at all? Maybe you can still find her! I'm rooting for you haha

[–]Shroomba 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I think perhaps the username started with an 'M'? I do remember that her profile pic looked like Olivia O'brien in a leather jacket. If anyone recalls that as their user lmk 👀

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]Shroomba 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Perhaps, you would think I would recall the username but unfortunately it evaded me. But yes, she definitely posted long and insightful comments frequently.

    [–]censorshipment 13 insightful - 10 fun13 insightful - 9 fun14 insightful - 10 fun -  (63 children)

    The anti-bi women posts. I say this as a goldstar who almost exclusively dates bi women. Lol I just don't think bi women belong in lesbian spaces and love to see lesbians defend lesbian spaces. I'd never invite a bi girlfriend to a lesbian gathering, for example.

    [–]BigMommyMilkers 17 insightful - 17 fun17 insightful - 16 fun18 insightful - 17 fun -  (62 children)

    exclusively dates bi women

    Why would you torture yourself like this

    [–]censorshipment 2 insightful - 19 fun2 insightful - 18 fun3 insightful - 19 fun -  (61 children)

    Unpopular opinion: I think butches (such as myself) should only date bi women. Femmes should date femmes so lesbian couples won't be mistaken for straight couples if the butches are manly (like me). Femme4femme is the proper representation of a lesbian couple, so I try to encourage femmes who want to date me to date femmes.

    [–]VioletRemi 27 insightful - 2 fun27 insightful - 1 fun28 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    Why should we be artificially limiting women we love and date just because of someone else's opinion and because someone else can mistaken us for something different? I am loving women not for audience, but for myself.

    [–]MyLongestJourney 24 insightful - 2 fun24 insightful - 1 fun25 insightful - 2 fun -  (12 children)

    WTF. Who you should date :Anyone )you like and b) should have you.

    I am butch and date other butches. I do not give a fuck about how others perceive us. I know what we are : Women outside of stereotypes dating other women outside of stereotypes.

    [–]censorshipment 2 insightful - 13 fun2 insightful - 12 fun3 insightful - 13 fun -  (11 children)

    I saw a pic of 2 butches getting married and thought they were gay men. That's improper representation of a lesbian relationship.

    [–]knownasness 22 insightful - 3 fun22 insightful - 2 fun23 insightful - 3 fun -  (4 children)

    how is it improper when they're both lesbians? them being lesbians is proper representation because it's what they are. that'd be like someone telling me i misrepresent black people because i'm light skinned or that i misrepresent americans because i'm not dumb as fuck. it makes no sense. you can't misrepresent something when you ARE what you are. people come in all different kinds of styles, you can't write them off simply because they don't look like what you believe they should look like. you aren't less of a woman or a lesbian because you dress in mens clothing. do you also have a problem with effeminate gay men? or androgynous(not butch) men/women? how are you different yourself and think like this? WHY do you think like this?

    [–][deleted]  (3 children)

    [removed]

      [–]AlexisK 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

      natural behaviour

      This at same time sounds extremely racist and sexist. Are you some troll, cosplaying as lesbian, from reddit? On TrueLesbians we had such time to time.

      [–]censorshipment 1 insightful - 10 fun1 insightful - 9 fun2 insightful - 10 fun -  (0 children)

      No.

      [–]knownasness 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      why do you think like this?

      [–]MyLongestJourney 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

      Your problem is not everyone else's problem.

      [–]censorshipment 2 insightful - 9 fun2 insightful - 8 fun3 insightful - 9 fun -  (3 children)

      I have no problem... just unpopular opinions. :)

      [–]MyLongestJourney 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

      Frankly,it is quite obvious you are a troll.

      [–]censorshipment 1 insightful - 8 fun1 insightful - 7 fun2 insightful - 8 fun -  (0 children)

      But I'm not.

      [–]MyLongestJourney 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      LOL

      [–]piylot[S] 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (15 children)

      That is an unpopular opinion! If femme4femme should be encouraged because it's the "proper representation" of a lesbian couple, wouldn't that same reasoning say it should be encouraged for all lesbians to be femme because this is better representation?

      [–]censorshipment 2 insightful - 12 fun2 insightful - 11 fun3 insightful - 12 fun -  (14 children)

      Yes, I also think all lesbians should be femmes (not "high femmes", low maintenance femmes are the norm)... but I think that's more complicated due to biology (such as me having a hormonal imbalance and being more masculine) and astrology (yes, I believe in that... my chart is so masculine, mostly fire/air).

      [–]VioletRemi 22 insightful - 2 fun22 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 2 fun -  (12 children)

      That is some gender stereotypes and gender roles pandering.

      [–]censorshipment 1 insightful - 11 fun1 insightful - 10 fun2 insightful - 11 fun -  (11 children)

      And? Women should look like women. Yes, I'm butch as fuck saying this.

      [–]VioletRemi 25 insightful - 2 fun25 insightful - 1 fun26 insightful - 2 fun -  (10 children)

      Woman always looks like a woman, because she is a woman, always. Not sure why you are so obsessed on imposing onto women those male-made sex stereotypes of how we should look or behave.

      [–]censorshipment 2 insightful - 9 fun2 insightful - 8 fun3 insightful - 9 fun -  (9 children)

      That's not true. And I'm not obsessed. I'm replying to shit. On the GC - actually the LGBdroptheT - sub, someone thought a lesbian named Laine was a man larping as a woman... because Laine looks like a damn man. When GCers are mistaking gnc women for men... Houston, we have a problem.

      https://saidit.net/s/LGBDropTheT/comments/7azo/breaking_news_older_lesbian_grows_a_dick_world/

      [–]VioletRemi 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

      And what? Some GC women are very lesbophobic, some lesbians are very self-hating and lesbophobic as well. It does not mean that because of this we should follow male-made stereotypes and please male gaze or that we should "stop being lesbians" - just because someone can confuse us with something else, or who thinks what we should or should not love and look like. We are lesbians and we are all about women and women only.

      [–]Srime 15 insightful - 6 fun15 insightful - 5 fun16 insightful - 6 fun -  (2 children)

      Yuck, butch4butch master race

      [–]MyLongestJourney 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

      Yeeeeeees!Except the master race part,unless it was a joke.

      [–]Srime 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

      Yeah that's a meme lol

      [–]votkriscan 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

      That is a rather unique perspective. I've very rarely seen a butch4femme butch woman defend femme4femme like this. Over at my end, there are sometimes arguments between butch4femme and femme4femme lesbians. Even though I'm femme4femme, I've often thought that butch/butch lesbian women are far more natural and authentic in their romances and relationships than even femme/femme or butch/femme.

      Where I'm at, the butch/femme demographic does have the largest number of straight/bisexual femme women(who exclusively date butch women). However, lesbian femmes(who exclusively date butch women) still exist and it's a good thing when both can find each other.

      [–]Elvira95 8 insightful - 9 fun8 insightful - 8 fun9 insightful - 9 fun -  (5 children)

      Straight women date masculine women? The straight types of women who hate men, I suppose

      [–]votkriscan 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (4 children)

      Ironically, they are really not that sort. It's actually because it's clear that they are romantically and sexually attracted to men, that it's obvious they are not gay. As to why, many reasons, from a greater availability of people to date, curiosity, a desire for different treatment that what they are currently getting out of men..etc..

      Dating a woman is also fairly consequence-free. No live penis near the vagina or anywhere else. No pregnancy. And leaving lesbian relationships (and gay ones for the matter) are way easier than leaving heterosexual ones.

      [–]Elvira95 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

      I don't get it. Like they have a gigantic dating pool- It would make more sense for a lesbian to date men, it the problem were greater avaiability of people to date. But that would not be possible, since we're not attracted to dick. I guess if they date a stone butch, they might avoid licking pussy, making it more tolerable

      [–]votkriscan 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      Oh for sure. But I must clarify that it's not every straight woman who is interested in butch women. It's just that the proportion is larger in comparison to the other two lesbian demographics.

      [–]strictly 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

      It's actually because it's clear that they are romantically and sexually attracted to men, that it's obvious they are not gay.

      They could be bisexual, into both sexes. A bisexual woman can lean heterosexual and have a narrow type in women. But if she has a type in woman then I wouldn’t call her straight.

      Dating a woman is also fairly consequence-free. No live penis near the vagina or anywhere else. No pregnancy.

      As a lesbian I wouldn’t want to be with a man even if he had had a penis amputation. I wouldn’t care how much being open to such men would increase my dating pool as I’m not into men so forcing myself to be with someone I don’t want to be with would just be pointless torture. I have assumed straight women feel like me regarding women as I feel about men, that it would be torture for them to be in a sexual/romantic relationship with a woman. I don’t think lack of pregnancy risk provides enough motivation for a woman to have sex with someone who is sexually repelling to her. If she doesn’t want to get pregnant she could choose to not have sex at all and thus avoid sex that would be repelling to her. And if she likes sex with women then I don’t think she can be considered straight, she would be bisexual.

      [–]votkriscan 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      You are definitely right. I have no clue what it's like to date a MTF (a man identifying as a woman) either, precisely because I'm a lesbian. But before I go on, I need to re-state that it's not every straight woman who does this, but just a portion of them. I presume they were straight, because that's what some of the other lesbians were calling them, amongst other things. So, I was hazarding some guesses as to why, and benefit dating might just be one of the reasons. Unlike MTFs, some lesbians (in this case, butch lesbians), could treat their partners like queens. Thus, together with the fact that there are no consequences to being with a woman, such a thing could be possible despite not being attracted.

      [–]Shroomba 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (19 children)

      Couldn't a butch and bi woman couple also get mistaken as a straight couple? Whatever your preferences, your preferences though.

      [–]Srime 9 insightful - 3 fun9 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 3 fun -  (18 children)

      I guess it wouldn't matter b/c it'd only "tarnish" the image of bisexuals and masculine lesbians, not the "proper" lesbians lol

      [–]reader 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (17 children)

      Following this logic, butches should either: femme up or pretend to be bisexual or straight, so they wouldn't shame lesbian name.They should never admit, they are lesbian. You know, what is the best thing censorshipment could do for lesbian representation and good name. She should find boyfriend!

      [–]censorshipment 1 insightful - 11 fun1 insightful - 10 fun2 insightful - 11 fun -  (16 children)

      I'm thinking about using estrogen patches to be more feminine when I turn 40 in 2023. I want to experience complete womanhood.

      [–]VioletRemi 11 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

      How are you different to gender woo crowd then?

      [–][deleted]  (4 children)

      [removed]

        [–]VioletRemi 10 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

        You said you will be taking it not for health issues, but for "looking more feminine" kind of "issues". Which is gender stereotypes thing, not health related one.

        [–]reader 8 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

        It won't work. Just marry a man. A MTF one, so no one would take you for a lesbian. If you marry a normal man someone my suspect you are closeted. If you marry MTF everyone will know you are not lesbian.

        [–]piylot[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

        Do you think you'll be femme then?

        [–][deleted]  (6 children)

        [removed]

          [–]piylot[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

          What if it made you straight? And what are you looking forward to about being femme?

          [–]reader 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

          Nothing. I remember when TL was smaller than this sub and less active. What makes me a little bit dismayed is a fact, that most people are too lazy to create an account here or somewhere else, instead they lech themselves to reedit, as if it was the only site available and try to pander to homophobes. And then cry when they experience even more homophobia.

          [–][deleted] 14 insightful - 3 fun14 insightful - 2 fun15 insightful - 3 fun -  (13 children)

          people were nicer regarding differing points of view and less argumentative on TrueLesbians vs here. case in point, see above comments.

          [–]Jillyjanejan 14 insightful - 4 fun14 insightful - 3 fun15 insightful - 4 fun -  (8 children)

          This might be an unpopular viewpoint, but I actually like the arguments/discussions.

          [–]piylot[S] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

          I like the discussions of differing opinions and dislike the directed insults or disrespect. I think there has to be a balance, when a forum becomes very argumentative / quick to make personal insults then people don't go there looking for support, company or advice. The forums that are quick to get heated or turn to name calling don't have a lot of people asking for advice or support.

          [–]Jillyjanejan 9 insightful - 3 fun9 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 3 fun -  (5 children)

          How can there be a balance? It's not like there's a way to control everything people say (unless mods intervene, and I think excessive modding is even more determinantal to a forum than some arguments). Personally, I think people who let online name calling ruin their day are simply too fragile for the internet and I have to agree with that comment about how they should just use the block option.

          [–]piylot[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

          I was really just speaking about what I prefer

          [–]Jillyjanejan 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

          ohhh I thought you were suggesting an idea

          [–]censorshipment 4 insightful - 6 fun4 insightful - 5 fun5 insightful - 6 fun -  (2 children)

          Are you a Libra?

          [–]Jillyjanejan 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

          nah I'm a Virgo

          [–]censorshipment 3 insightful - 9 fun3 insightful - 8 fun4 insightful - 9 fun -  (0 children)

          Close enough lol we share a planet, Mercury, of communication. Makes sense why I (a Gemini) agree with ya. My ex is a Virgo... we argue a lot as friends lol

          [–]censorshipment 4 insightful - 7 fun4 insightful - 6 fun5 insightful - 7 fun -  (0 children)

          The block feature exists for people who are put off by negativity/hostility. The onus should be on individuals to block instead of whining.

          [–]censorshipment 5 insightful - 9 fun5 insightful - 8 fun6 insightful - 9 fun -  (2 children)

          This is a lie. Mods censored (removed) posts and comments - and banned people - on the Reddit sub creating a false portrait of the community. You pro-censorship folks are delusional.

          Which reminds of this quote I saw on AgainstHateSubreddits: "Regardless of what free speech is it is still an outdated concept. Some views and opinions just shouldn’t be allowed to be expressed anywhere, public or not." <MADNESS!

          [–][deleted] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

          thank you for further proving my point.

          [–]censorshipment 5 insightful - 8 fun5 insightful - 7 fun6 insightful - 8 fun -  (0 children)

          They replied to my top comment... they shouldn't have.

          [–]knownasness 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

          i mentioned this in another thread, it's the downside to sharing views with legit crazy people. when you have "extreme" views, you're bound to get stuck with extremists.

          [–]whateverbeaver 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (5 children)

          Eh, it was reddit...and while no place on the internet is truly pleasant, reddit was...a rather odd place. Not saying saidit isn't, but at least other subs here are very open if they hate women/support pedos, etc. Reddit was kinda the twilight zone with so many doofus liberals with the "we love ery1 we need 2 censerrrr!" but so much disgusting, public content simultaneously...

          As for TrueLesbians specifically, it just had a bigger population...but was filled with a ton of sad, lonely lesbians like here, but now the population of users is just lesser here. I'm in the process of trying to move away from the internet for support in general. Not all gay women I've met in real life are as sad as portrayed on the internet honestly, and happiness is the goal for me now. So minimizing visits to internet places like this except for an occasional comment or perusal is what I'm trying to practice. It's all about mindset, and the internet does not provide a terribly good one.

          [–]ShotsFired 15 insightful - 3 fun15 insightful - 2 fun16 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

          I'm neither sad nor lonely. Anyone else? 😆

          [–]votkriscan 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

          but was filled with a ton of sad, lonely lesbians like here

          I've seen a few similar comments from one or two other posters, and I'm kind of curious as to why do you think so? Because I've presumed it's mostly about the trans/gender ideology issue. After all, if it weren't for it, this sub wouldn't even be existing. Like I sense that people are feeling a sense of isolation from the huge colonization of everything involving lesbians, and it's less about "I don't think I will be able to find a girlfriend even if trans/gender ideology does not exist".

          [–]whateverbeaver 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

          While I think the trans stuff has lowered the lesbian happiness level severely indeed, I think it's also mixed with the fact that, regardless, it always was and still is very hard to be a lesbian, mixed with it's the internet and people who are online all the time tend to be online all the time because...they've got the time..read into that what you will 😆 . A lot of extreme personalities are the ones who use the internet the most often, or so I find, so you're apt to find the "really really sad" and "everything's fantastic!" and generally very unstable personalities online, and I'm not talking about lesbians only at this point. But I know, in terms of lesbianism, that I have had a very rough go at it being gay, and I am young and from a relatively liberal background and was a teen just before trans was a thing, so the archetype of the lonely lesbian I find is not trans-dependent in the real world. Regardless of the current cult, lesbians are at the cross-roads of misogyny and homophobia, and the fact that life is tough regardless of who you are anyway, and then married to the fact that we've got like the smallest dating pool besides trans and the...highly unlikeable people out there.... add it all together, and I find life in this domain (minority sexual orientation) to not be particularly easy. I don't judge the number of lonely lesbians here and elsewhere, because I get it. It's good to have a place to let it out and to be real and not in denial about how life really is sometimes, and occasionally I find the internet to be a good, albeit temporary option.

          [–]CatsOrGoHome 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

          and the internet does not provide a terribly good one.

          Facts. I think lesbians in particular would benefit from getting away from the internet from time to time. I have to because otherwise I'd go crazy. The internet breeds insecurity into us and it is not healthy.

          [–]whateverbeaver 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

          Yes! And popular social media I find is literally the worst way to start feeling like you hate your life 😆 😂

          [–]Idyllicblue 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

          I finally left :( I'll miss the memes... The relatable content... The threads of people asking for support, the community. But it's toxic now and full of bandwagon terf-label-slapping radicalists sooooo .

          [–]piylot[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

          r/TrueLesbians was banned 7 months ago. Are you thinking of ActualLesbians?

          [–]Idyllicblue 5 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

          I really mean wlw_irl, I left both of those long time ago but wlw stayed a bit longer because it was mostly memes. But their mod made a post yesterday that was the last straw.

          It's so funny how I used to have a lesbian multireddit but it's empty now.