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[–]HelloMomo 16 insightful - 4 fun16 insightful - 3 fun17 insightful - 4 fun -  (4 children)

I saw something really interesting on r/BiologicalLesbians right before it went down. There was this woman from a south asian country talking about how in her country — and, from what she'd heard, and other conservatives countries as well — nearly all lesbians are gold stars, because premarital sex is discouraged. Teenagers aren't supposed to date, they're supposed to focus on their studies. And so most lesbians have the time to figure out they're lesbians first.

Coming from a very sexualized western country, I have no personal experience of this, but I thought it was a super interesting topic, and would like to hear more about it.

[–]StoneyTangawizi1 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Oh that's me. Yes where I am from, goldstars are pretty much the norm because premarital sex and dating is pretty much frowned upon here while virginity is taken very seriously. In fact, having sex before marriage, or being sexually active/promiscuous here is seen bringing shame and dishonor to the family and would be seen as being "loose" or "whore" (sorry don't really want to use that word). Even a lot of men here would be shamed by their families if they found although virginity is not expected here for men as much as it is for women.

And yes because of this very conservative attitude towards sex and relationships, there was often enough time for many women and girls to discovered that they are lesbians. In fact, where I live, a lot of women's (even for those who are not lesbians) first sexual experience is often with another women (albeit discretely) due to the stigmatization of premarital sex and dating. Same thing with men. A lot of straight guys here actually lost virginity (also done in secret) with another boy or man.

Furthermore, yep I heard from another lesbian who is from Morocco, that goldstars are the predominant majority of lesbians in her country due to the societal taboo towards premarital sex and dating. That even women and girls who are sexually attracted to males have a hard time getting laid. And that she only met non-golds in Western countries.

I also heard indirectly from another lesbian who told me she know this girl who is also from North Africa (not sure the country), who told me that in her nation, there isn't an issue of goldstars vs non-goldstars in the lesbian community there, as goldstars are the norm among lesbians there due to conservative attitudes towards sex and relationships.

Lastly, I also heard from another lesbian who is originally from China that all the lesbians she met there are all platinum stars by default. And it has to do with the fact that the Chinese approach towards sex and desire is very different from those of West; there is much much less pressure and obsession to lose virginity or to be sexually active. In fact, she literally told me that if a woman announced to people that she is promiscuous, she would be shamed and seen as "whore" or "loose" by the whole community where she lived. Furthermore, a lot of Chinese wanted to be virgins until marriage.

[–]votkriscan 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

Furthermore, a lot of Chinese wanted to be virgins until marriage.

This is completely untrue for the heterosexual generation of people in the full 20's range and also 30's. Even lesbians are not virginal either. They just lose their V-card to a woman instead of a man.

[–]StoneyTangawizi1 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Thank you for correcting me regarding the virginity thing. I heard this from another lesbian who is originally from China (she growed up and live abroad) and who have a lot of friends there so please take my words as a grain of salt.

But is it true that platinum stars are very much the norm among lesbians there?

[–]votkriscan 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Haha, yeah. Scholastic focus is pretty important, so it's perfectly fine spending your teen years nerding out. It is not seen as awkward, but diligent, especially if you do well. Thus, around your late 20's you'd be asked to date and marry. However, by then, if you do well enough, you'd have your own career and life and can be a platinum star all you want throughout.