all 9 comments

[–][deleted] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Oh yeah. It was my first, and so far, only relationship. I met this woman online who shared similar ideals, and I decided she was the one, because idiot me just haaad to be in a relationship right then.

She was childish and demanded too much of my time. She suffered clinical depression, but would use suicidal threats for manipulation. I was never sure what was suicidal ideation or just her blackmailing me, but I stayed because I was afraid she'd actually do it if I left.

I finally stopped giving a fuck when she said the most hateful things to me over a screenshot I took of one of our conversations. It was over after that, although she did make an attempt to get me back.

I was in this relationship for about 6 years. Was diagnosed with ulcerative colitis right before it began. The stress of it all made it worse. I wish I had ended it when she first threatened to kill herself because she thought I ghosted her when I didn't respond right away to an email she sent at 3am. (Fuck me and my need for sleep!)

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I had a similar experience. It took me a while to recover from, and honestly I could still spend some more time processing it. I hope you're doing okay now!

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've been out of the relationship for over a year, and I still beat myself up for not making better choices. I am doing better in the stress and anxiety department though. I'm just glad we were unable to move in together.

[–]al-Amira 7 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Not really a relationship per se... well, I guess technically a relationship, where I only mattered when she needed validation and lifting up. Started out as friends, grew into something else where the name of the game (from her) was: be charming and caring for a few months, then completely ignore me for nine-ten months, be charming for a few months, ignore me completely. Rinse-repeat. Ended that... about an hour ago. Told myself last year that it was the last time, but this year she apologised and stupid as I am I thought that it might be different this time around - but I wasn’t too surprised when I noticed the same communication pattern as before, emerging in late October. Thought closure would feel better, but right now I just feel that I should have ended it years ago and feeling pretty stupid for actually believing her apology. Should even have left after the first time. Found out a bit over two months ago that she didn’t even know my birthday... after knowing each other for almost a decade, sort of shows how much she cared I suppose. Not even sure if she remembers my last name. That is the only “relationship” where I have stayed too long though.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I leave too soon because of avoidant tendencies and can be an insufferably delicate flower when it comes to fights.

[–]censorshipment 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

6 years (2007-2013). I stayed too long because she had health issues, and I felt obligated to take care of her even though I barely loved her. I was extremely miserable. Her crying made me want to jump off of our 3rd floor balcony just so I'd be hospitalized (if I survived) to get away from her.

Last year, I moved in with my last girlfriend for 4 months and left about a week before xmas to avoid hearing her annoying kids playing with their stuff.

I have too many pet peeves to be in a relationship with an unhealthy woman, a mother, a messy woman, a(n) (indoor) smoker...

[–]SailorMoon2020 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

For me it would be deciding and/or compromising where we will live together after two years. The two long lasting relationships I've had both lasted about five to six years and both ended because we could not compromise where to live.

Quebec, my allergies were a mess and after an year, it was time to end it and come back to the states. I would say my relationship with my ex from China lasted way too long. We were doing long distance once she left UT. She was adamant and still is gung ho about China and China is the best country in the world. I would often visit her then on my last visit, I lived there. And within one year, we moved from Beijing to Chengdu, and Luzhou. I loved Chengdu! She loved (s) Luzhou because she was getting started in property investment. Luzhou was foggy throughout most of the time there. I wasn't digging it. So I moved to Chengdu and we thought we could make it work once again but I soon left and came back to the states.

So the next woman I date and if I become committed with, after two years of dating, we're gonna need to decide where we wanna live.

[–]Lizzythelezzo 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes, I stayed too long and it dragged out the bitter end. She started self harming and eventually admitted she probably has BPD. It was hard to come to terms with, but I now realise she wasn't capable of having healthy relationships. I think sometimes it's better to end it sooner than to leave on a sour note, but I have compassion for myself as it was a really difficult time in my life.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Looks like some of us are just lesbian pickmes lol.

But I'm not making fun; I've been in the same boat. However, I've learned from my mistake of being so desperate in forcing myself into thinking a woman is Miss Right when she could barely keep her own shit together. I've written about her here before but she's the woman who made me realize I'd rather be single forever than "settle" with someone I ultimately didn't have much in common with (surface level-wise, we actually had a lot of things in common) who I was miserable walking on eggshells around. We stayed together for a year even though it was clear to me just a month in that it wasn't going to work or last forever they way she clearly thought it was going to when she started talking about wedding rings (!!!). I stayed way too long because in the end I actually started despising her because our relationship was basically an ego machine for her. But also, dumbass 25yo me really believed her when she said she would stop fucking up and start trying, really believed her when she would start crying about how we were perfect together and she'd never "felt this way." I finally ended it after the above (started despising her/figured out I was just her ego booster) and also upon the realization that if she wanted to do better, she would just do it but she never fucking did. Lesson learned. Pay attention to how people treat you; not the manipulative words they say to your face. I now have dating standards I will never bend on and know exactly what kind of woman I'm looking for now, so the final result isn't 100% all bad.

EDIT: spelling errors