I'm tired of not having any lesbian friends and I'm tired of my generation

submitted by cinnamonstick from self.Lesbians

Hello,

I used to be part of TL and was so upset when it got taken down but I'm glad I found this community on here.

I'm a 22 y/o lesbian and aside from my girlfriend, I have no lesbian friends. Everyone is on some queer bs and you dare disagree you get called a terf or whatever. I had 2 lesbian friends and ended my friendship with them over a few condescending remarks they made towards me but even before, some of the things they said made me cringe. I made a joke about how I'm so glad I don't have to take birth control and they were like "mm well actually some lesbians do because some lesbians date women with penises-" and there's this whole trend in young lesbian circles to have a complex relationship towards your gender identity and "not feel like a woman." That's fine or whatever but I cannot relate in the slightest. I'm a woman and want to be able to talk about that in my friendship circles without being crucified for it. I want to be able to talk about women without being told I'm being a bitch for not wanting to get near male genitals and being told I'm not being "inclusive." I can't relate to anyone my age when it comes to stuff like this and it's infuriating. Everyone gets their opinions off Twitter and is on some ~liberal woke queer~ bullshit. All I ever wanted was a friend group like the one in the L word as cheesy as that sounds but that would be such a dream.

This is just a rant into the void and I doubt anyone will read it but thank you if you do. If anyone does read it though, any tips for making lesbian friends?

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[–]babystud 31 insightful - 3 fun31 insightful - 2 fun32 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

Literally same except without the gf :(

[–]MrFahrenheit46 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Same.

[–]EzukiRaen 22 insightful - 1 fun22 insightful - 0 fun23 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'm in the same boat. I'm 21 and also tired of my generation's shenanigans.

I had a friend in high school who introduced me to tumblr and gender politics. From what I remember, she was bi and said she was gender fluid. I didn't question it too much at the time because all the words and concepts were new to me but, after about a year or two I fell into the camp of "wait, this doesn't quite make sense". We haven't spoken to each other in the past few years but, that's mostly because we lost contact. She's perhaps the only person I know, or rather knew, who subscribed to these new ideas on gender and sexuality and didn't try to push them on others.

The only lesbian I know is my ex. We ended on relatively good terms and are still friends but, it would be nice to have lesbian friends where the relationship is purely platonic.

I currently live in the UK and I thought it might be easier to make lesbian friends out here but, I don't know anymore. It's super liberal were I live that it's almost laughable (Keep in mind, where I'm from, I'd be considered a progressive/liberal/leftist; if I was in the US, I'd probably be considered a central libertarian; over here, with these extreme views to contend with, I bet I'd be called a conservative.) An example of what I mean: my mother is an artist and was invited to make a piece for a show that wanted the artists to celebrate womanhood by creating vagina artwork. My mother is an old school classical feminist so she was all for it but then someone on twitter started saying that everyone involved in the show was a TERF and got it cancelled. Things like this are what have made me (and still make me) hesitant to go out of my way to make lesbian friends because I don't know what ideological brand of lesbian it's gonna be. That is to say, I wouldn't know if they were actual lesbians or political lesbians or people jumping on the "I'm queer" train (which, from my experience, is code for "I'm a trendy straight person").

As for advice, I don't really know myself. Though, if I had to guess, I'd say the best approach is probably what you just did. Make a post and see who responds. This of course, also depends on what you're looking for i.e. potential friends in your area or pen pals. And if not here, then you could also try making posts on other forums that have like minded people.

[–]cinnamonstick[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

UGH I'm so sorry that happened to your mother. At my university, one of my women studies professors said that the vagina monologues "aren't inclusive" and I wanted to SCREAM. And im in the same boat as you with the tumblr thing. Grew up as a teen learning all about that stuff and at first I was like "oh wow cool" and now I'm like "half these labels are unnecessary and imaginary" I'm kinda terrified to make friends my own age too because they're part of this tumblr generation so you have to watch what you say out of fear of being called a bigot or whatever (when in reality, you're far from one). I honestly didn't think this post would get any traction but it seems like a lot of people share similar sentiments so woo-hoo! Im not alone!

[–]lovelyspearmint 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

I'm in the same boat as you, minus the girlfriend. I think for the time being it's best to wait and see what happens, see if this whole mess that is TQ+ falls apart, and then look for friends. It's too dangerous otherwise, and you don't want to be harassed or doxxed for having the wrong (logical) opinions.

[–]33799 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I wish waiting was enough... it's been like nearly a decade for me. Spent pretty much my whole youth either lying to people, or being alone. Or struggle to be friends with straight men.

[–]lovelyspearmint 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

It's terribly difficult, I must admit. I don't have any straight male friends mostly because in my experience (when I was younger and thinner/more attractive), they always thought they had a chance with me and would cut off contact as soon as I made it clear that I wasn't interested in dating them or even sleeping with them.

[–]cinnamonstick[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah :/ I've thought about befriending straight men since some are pretty cool and you can talk about your girlfriends together but I feel so icky around them because of how they see us as a porn category and nothing else sometimes. I have 2 straight male friends and they're pretty awesome but sometimes I'd like to have a lesbian pal you know? Someone who really understands who it's like and who I can make dumb lesbian jokes with and share gay memes together

[–]Lesbianvodkaaunt 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I’m 21 and in college, and all the people I thought were lesbians that I might’ve dated have come out as nonbinary... and I don’t really want to be involved in that political nonsense. I’ve been making excuses as to why I don’t date but they’re not really making sense anymore since it’s been a little too long for me to still be hung up on my last relationship lol. I genuinely don’t think I know more than 5 lesbians though and I’m counting all of the hundreds of people I’ve met from being in college.

[–]cinnamonstick[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Oh I totally feel you on that. I tried getting involved in the gay clubs at my university and it was a total disaster. I felt like I was walking on egg shells the entire time because anything and everything you said, even if it was a JOKE like not even offensive or anything, was policed to the fullest extent. Example: a recurring meme on some lesbian pages is Cate Blanchett and finding her hot. Jokingly called her my lesbian lover because of her role in Carol. Got ripped to shreds and had to hear a whole lecture on how she's bad and not even gay so she shouldn't be taking roles like Carol anyways. Like??? It's a JOKE??? Jesus christ I cant stand these people lmfao

[–]plotbunny 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Same but no girlfriend. I'm thinking about moving to a different country partly because the dating scene here is so bad. Everyone is all about the pronouns and/or have boyfriends but want to be special. Where are the normal lesbians?

[–]cinnamonstick[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What countries did you have in mind? And YUP, I know people who's partners are literally transitioning to men and still call themselves lesbians. That's literally the opposite of a lesbian but alright. And the pronoun shit is annoying. I know it's done with good intentions but it's pretty obvious I'm a girl and there's no way you could mistake me for anything else. Everyone keeps screaming to put your pronouns in your social media bio but I'm not doing that. Half the people who do that anyways are only doing it for woke points and couldn't give one shit about actual lgbt problems.

[–][deleted] 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Everyone here who's like, "Ditto," dm me and I'll send you a discord link. Then we can all be each other's lesbian friends.

[–]cinnamonstick[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Sending you a message! ❤❤

[–][deleted] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I'm 23. It's easy to feel down about what goes on but I think the best way to think is, there will always be someone who thinks the same way you do.

Be grateful you have a girlfriend with the same mindset as you.

There are more normal people out there than you think. The best advice would be, don't give up hope.

[–]cinnamonstick[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I really am grateful for my girlfriend and that I have someone who shares similar beliefs. This community is proof of that and I won't give up hope, I promise! I just hope I can find more friends IRL soon :(

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

You'll find them soon. Don't worry!

[–]Sarahh 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

tbh I feel the same way