Have you ever had this happen?

submitted by Lizzythelezzo from self.Lesbians

I had someone on a dating app, right after saying they wanted to meet, ask me my opinion about JK Rowling out of the blue. I found it off putting as I didn't know whether they were GC or not - I actually suspect they are on the "no TERFs/SWERFs" train. I'm not fully out as GC as it's not safe for me to do so currently (though most of my close friends know and support my views, despite being fairly left wing themselves), so I just haven't replied to the message yet... not sure if I will as I don't know this person well and it feels like a weird interrogation. I'm not sure how to deal with situations like this. What do you say or do?

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[–]Lessom 20 insightful - 4 fun20 insightful - 3 fun21 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

I’d proudly say JKR is a hero. I wouldn’t want to date someone who supports the trans cult over supporting other women. It’s actually a good screening question, might steal it lol

[–]LesbianInExile 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Did they specify what they were asking your opinion on eg her essay on trans issues? If not, I'd just give your view on Harry Potter etc and see what response you get. If they ask for your opinion on her views, I'd play slightly dumb, like you haven't seen it or don't know much about these issues and ask questions like "what did she say?", "I don't know much about this stuff, can you explain a bit more?" and you'll get a bit of a grasp on their views. If they are a TRA, you can back away without coming out as gc so you won't get doxxed/attacked, if they are gc, you can suss that out and they will at least know that you aren't a TRA extremist.

[–]Lizzythelezzo[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I was actually thinking of doing that - it's a good idea. It might help them realise that by bringing it up, they are spreading her GC views as well haha.

[–]yousaythosethings 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

What was the phrasing? Depending on how it was worded, I might respond, “heard about what? Is she coming out with a new book in the Harry Potter universe or something?”

That at least suggests without explicitly confirming you’re not TRA while putting the ball in her court to clarify her own stance.

[–]Lizzythelezzo[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

This was the phrasing: "I know this’ll probably sound quite random, but I kind of just want to get it out of the way before we go any further... what’s your opinion of JK Rowling?"

I wondered if the person is trans/NB identifying and trying to screen out people who aren't into it, though their photos wouldn't strike me as obviously in that category. Then again some TIMs do pass well in pictures, and some NBs don't dress androgynously.

[–]yousaythosethings 14 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Honestly, the line "I know this’ll probably sound quite random" makes me think they may lean more GC. Like obviously I don't know for sure, but for the people who are so morally outraged by JKR and are full TRA, they wouldn't think it would sound "random" because they are consumed by that world and assume most people, especially other gay people, must be fully engaged in that discussion too.

I wouldn't meet up with this person unless I got a sense of whether they were TRA or not, but you could try responding something like, "Haven't thought about her in a while, but I did always like [insert some random HP reference]." This at minimum signals to the person that you're not a gender activist, but it also doesn't signal specifically that you're GC. There's plausible deniability in there. It could also signal you're not engaged in the gender discussion at all. Wait and see how they respond.

Based on the question, they are one of two ways: (1) someone who is very pro-trans and looking for someone similarly pro-trans, and they could be trans themselves, but not necessarily OR (2) they hate gender bullshit and want nothing to do with it. If they are in the former camp, I think they will make that clear pretty quick because they think they have the moral high ground and the full backing of the rainbow mob. If they are trans themselves, they may not reveal that aspect right away though. If they are in the latter camp, they will likely take it as a sign that you are also not plugged into gender bullshit and are likely to cautiously optimistically continue to engage with you, possibly not giving away they are full GC quite yet.

[–]funk_transcender 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yup, it sounds 50/50, you've either hit the jackpot or going to be able to dodge a bullet very easily.

[–]HelloMomo 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Call me naive, and you'd be right, but honestly? I'm not convinced she's a TRA. To me, that kinda sounds like a stealth way of asking if you're GC.

[–]knownasness 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

they are definitely trying to weed out "terfs". i personally wouldn't say anything as someone like that is a waste of my time. on to the next one..

[–]Lizzythelezzo[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yep, that's what I thought. Just wanted to double check as I've never dealt with this before.

[–][deleted] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'd probably just say that I loved the harry potter books growing up. And then ask her what her opinion of JK is. Like, fair enough to ask the question back.

[–]uroborosjohnson 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'd definitely play dumb but mention how I remember my church burning her books when I was a kid. Good segway if the woman is GC to talk about how they're burning her books now

[–]ishutmyeyestosee 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Did you ever find out what this person was doing? I was discussing possible signals or screening questions with someone and was reminded of this.

[–]Lizzythelezzo[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I actually just didn't respond, as I didn't feel like dealing with drama at the time and wasn't that interested. I'm pretty sure they were pro TRA and anti JK Rowling, based on their FB profile, so I left it alone.

[–]ishutmyeyestosee 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks for the response, sounds like the right thing to do.

[–]redditbegay 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

You should reply to them with: JK is unforgivable, I can't believe how she wrote all those books about TIFS named Voldemort!!