I’m just really glad this place exists

submitted by emilyprentiss from self.Lesbians

I just want to say I’m so happy this place exists where we can talk about our issues and experiences and share fun things related to being a lesbian.

I have a few close friends but they are all either straight or bisexuals who only date men. We have a group chat where we talk about everything, and being in our early 20s, a good chunk of our messages are about love and what the hell it all means. I pitch in the conversation as best as I can when they complain about men, their boyfriends, (male) friends with benefits, their online dating experiences. But this past week I met someone and I was typing paragraphs to them because I was so excited, and they just gave me message-reactions and one line replies before moving back to their own issues. And I don’t really know why, but I just felt really hurt by how dismissive they were. And I love my friends so much and I know they probably don’t mean to ‘not care’, but I just found myself unable to continue talking about it anymore because it felt like I was interrupting their discussion about men, which they could all relate to. Except me. I know I need to find some gay friends! But that’s not possible right now in my situation, and so I am really grateful for this community.

I don’t realise how lonely I feel until I go on this sub. And here, I feel seen and heard, even when I’m just scrolling. So, thank you. I love you all. 💗

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[–]Lesbianese 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'm very glad you found us! The more lesbians the better.

While it's a good idea to seek out other homosexual women, I think it might also be a good idea to voice how you're feeling. Stuff like this can build up and cause resentment, I'm sure your friends weren't intending to come across dismissive so that's why it could be beneficial for you to mention it now. They can make a mental note to engage with you more in the future and you can get your feelings off your chest.

Just a thought, I've been in this sort of situation. Either way, good luck! :)

[–]emilyprentiss[S] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Thank you!!

I feel like they just never seem to take lesbian relationships very seriously, which is frustrating because they have no problem taking gay men seriously. But I’ll definitely talk about it, because you’re right: letting resentment build is how friendships erode.

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

YOU ARE SO RIGHT. Lesbian spaces are so freeing in a way that's hard to even put into words. It's so nice to be with women who just get you!

It can almost make you feel guilty in a way when you try to talk to straight women/het-partnered bi women about your lesbian love life. I've had friends who are completely at ease with it, but they are so few and far between at times that it can get lonely when you're not able to gush about your latest crush or girlfriend the way straight/bi women can openly and freely talk about men.

[–]emilyprentiss[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yep, I feel like there’s always that slight disconnect, and it’s not just them, but both of us where neither of us really gets each other for gushing about a man or a woman. It’s also not intentional, it’s just a little gap between our realms of experience? So I’m super happy this forum was created. :)

[–]FlanJam 8 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, its gets kinda lonely when all my friends are boy-crazy and I'm just here like 😑