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[–]begonia_skies 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

I'm not pretending to be a dating guru, and there seem to be some strong feelings from both sides on this topic, lol. Honestly, I usually just give a, "Hey, how is your day going?" or "Hey, how are you doing?" I never really had any issues with things sorting themselves out from there. I can say I would personally appreciate a more tailored intro, and maybe if I was really feeling the person I would put in a little more thought, but there are so many flaky, boring, "bi-sexual", or just straight-up weird girls on dating apps, I'm just trying feel out the situation to see if they are even responsive, worth the effort of trying to meet up, etc. If I find myself asking all the questions and putting in all the effort then I'm out.

[–]yousaythosethings 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

Curious what you mean by “bi-sexual” here. Like unserious mildly bicurious tourists?

[–]begonia_skies 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Yes.

[–]yousaythosethings 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

Yeaaaa I’m gonna say that things like queer theory, the master doc, the same-sex attraction = being open-minded attitude are making this a real plague. Some people act like it’s progressive to try out “being gay.” I saw a YouTube video not that long ago where a straight girl goes on her first date with a girl and films it ofc. And makes a video later about what her sexual orientation is and in the end she says she’s still only ever been attracted to men but she’s open-minded. JUST SAY YOU’RE STRAIGHT AND MOVE ON. Then the comments were all about CompHet. Smh (though I still find comphet an interesting discussion).

I have a personal vendetta against this shit bc as an LBL it rubs off on me.

[–]begonia_skies 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I'm in my early 30s, so there are a lot of late bloomer lesbians. I don't actually have an issue with someone who comes out later in life, I personally know a few lesbians that have had children or were married to men and they are clearly very gay. However, pretty recently I was talking to someone from a dating app that was a "late bloomer" only to later reveal she was still married, and according to her, "her husband was totally cool with it". Are you freaking kidding me? I'm not your lesbian experiment and my dating profile clearly states I'm looking for a relationship. That shit just really bothers me, just be honest, you know?

[–]yousaythosethings 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yea exactly. I’m around your age so at first I was like ohhh cool r/LBL place for people like meeee but very quickly it became clear they there are a lot of role players and women going through mid-life crises there after bad dating patterns with men. There are real ones in there but I think they end up having the same realizations I do and gtfo and find the real lesbians. It would be so nice to find some real (not too woke) LBLs IRL but I feel like that’s too much to hope for at this point.

[–]sootsprite 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

she says she’s still only ever been attracted to men but she’s open-minded.

I think this is part of the problem. I had a friend who suddenly decided she was bisexual (after I came out to her as a lesbian) which shocked me, because she usually seemed disgusted by women's bodies. I asked her if she had ever been attracted to a girl and she said she never had, but it might happen sometime in the future.

[–]yousaythosethings 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I’m reminded of this after Lily-Rose Depp was featured in a piece for being “pansexual.” She says you don’t have to label yourself and that message should be OK if the point was “you don’t have to affirmatively state to anyone what your orientation is because you don’t owe anyone that information, and also because it might take some time to figure out yourself.” But that’s not her point. She’s pushing the notion of sexual fluidity while ironically showing that so far she’s remarkably unfluid because of her consistently heterosexual pattern of attraction. She may think she’s de-stigmatizing same-sex attraction but instead she’s doing more harm to us who actually have it, but because she at least is (seemingly) heterosexual, she is too far removed from the experiences of homosexual people where she would be able to see how this idea becomes a problem. Even some bisexual people are too far removed from the experiences of homosexual people to see how this is a problem. Not all are though. It probably helps to have been in a relationship with a homosexual person to see it close up.