i really wish that "you're not a real lesbian" was used less of the time in arguments between lesbians.

submitted by literallyjustvibing from self.Lesbians

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[–]literallyjustvibing[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

yeah it is pretty common. especially on tumblr where i used to hang out a lot. bio homosexual women would be saying to other bio homosexual women that they weren't lesbians just because they disagreed lol. but you would think that a non-radfem lesbian was probably not a lesbian? no judgement, i'm still learning.

[–]TalerTest 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

I'm not a rad-fem, I'm not that into politics. Believing in biological realities doesn't make someone a radical feminist or a radical anything. I don't mean to be rude, but I get the inkling that you need some deprogramming. That tumblr science will melt your brain.

I have a question too. Would you think that women who date men who call themselves lesbians are lesbians?

[–]literallyjustvibing[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

i don't think believing in biological reality makes you a radfem. (it's a really reasonable position). however, i was trying not to use "TERF", because i saw the sub guidelines did not allow it. i needed a neutral word for a lesbian that did not consider trans women lesbians. (what would you suggest?)

and no, i would not. from a biological/logical standpoint, they are dating biological men, making them bisexual. however, they could also be lesbians who feel pressured to date lesbian-identified males in order to be "inclusive". but generally, no they are not lesbians (homosexual females).

[–]TalerTest 19 insightful - 1 fun19 insightful - 0 fun20 insightful - 1 fun -  (6 children)

i needed a neutral word for a lesbian that did not consider trans women lesbians. (what would you suggest?)

I suggest lesbian 😂

no one here believes that transwomen can be lesbians. That's why we were kicked off Reddit

[–]literallyjustvibing[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

see, you've just done what i was talking about in my post. not to sound too angry, but by saying "i suggest lesbian" you're implying that homosexual females who do think transwomen can be lesbians aren't lesbians!! the fact is, there are many different kinds of lesbians, each with different beliefs and values. so, no, "lesbian" does not cut it to describe a lesbian who doesn't think transwomen can be lesbians (even though i agree with that position).

also i'm so glad i found this place, i can't believe all the feminist subs were banned. reddit really does hate women.

[–]TalerTest 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (3 children)

I'm aware that I just did what you were talking about, it was meant to be ironic, sorry.

I can see a lesbian saying that she believes that transwomen can be lesbians just so others don't call her a bigot, but a woman who will willingly date a transwomen is not a lesbian by definition. Trans woman + biological woman = heterosexual relationship. In this case it's not about beliefs, it's about facts.

[–]literallyjustvibing[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

oh whoops. i'm bad at telling sarcasm sometimes, sorry :). what's the general consensus on the word terf? do most lesbians really dislike being called it? and i still have the question, whats the best neutral term for a lesbian who thinks lesbian = bio woman exclusively attracted to bio woman?

and yes i agree with you on the dating thing. i was just trying to make allowances because the pressure to not be a tRaNsPhObE is very real. but yes, a trans woman and a bio woman dating is a het relationship. any other way doesn't really make any sense.

[–]TalerTest 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I don't think anyone here would care if you called them a TERF because we've all accepted that in 2020 being homosexual makes you transphobic by default. I don't know a neutral term for lesbians who believe in biology, but you're not going to be banned for using TERF in a non-derogatory way so don't worry

[–]literallyjustvibing[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

okay good to know. lesbians are so abused and clowned on everywhere online i didn't want to come into one of the rare safe spaces and make everyone uncomfortable. so i will use it but be careful

[–]Anniesworld 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

What about call them rational lesbians who understand basic biology. RLWUBB for short. I'm really just kidding though. It's a little ridiculous that we have to identify ourselves as rational people.

I get what you're saying about women who were peer pressured into dating a trans woman ( male). I think they are lesbians who are brain washed, In the same way a lesbian who went through a conversion therapy program has been convinced or coerced to be with males. Or they could be queer, which is in my personal opinion, is mostly straight women and some real bisexuals who want woke points.

I think that lesbians fear identifying as lesbian because of social and sexual stigma. Identifying as lesbian makes men more inclined to try and "change you" so I understand avoiding it. It's probably why they identify as nonbinary and queer now. Men have a porn obsession with turning lesbians and I think identifying as queer/nonbinary puts in a younger lesbians mind less focus on then as being sexualized by men with the added bonus of being hip and young.