What's wrong with being a gold star lesbian?

submitted by Gynephile from self.Lesbians

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[–]LeaveAmsgAfterBeep 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

^ I’ve been in exclusively goldstar groups because of how bad some of the anti-GS were (not the same thing as non-GS!) in an online community I was in that rarely but sometimes did bleed over into real life meetups. No one ever said this on the GS side, in fact a lot of the GS lesbians argued against such a thing— and many I have known have been raped or sexually abused by men.

The only people who I ever saw promote the idea that GS excludes women who have been raped were those in the “anti-GS” group- as a talking point to demonize goldstars— and it wasn’t the only dirty tactic they would use (suicide baiting, insults, shunning, lying, appeals to het/bi allies to interfere, etc). Most of the GS felt the term was either helpful to them pre/post coming out and so wanted it around so other young lesbians could find it, or found it tongue in cheek or light hearted enough to joke around with.

[–]TalerTest 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Anti-GS group? Do people really get together and steam over the fact that there's lesbians who have never had sex with men? That's honestly funny. What's even the goal?

[–]FrostyNugs 15 insightful - 11 fun15 insightful - 10 fun16 insightful - 11 fun -  (0 children)

Do people really get together and steam over the fact that there's lesbians who have never had sex with men?

Yes, they're called trans activists :)

[–]LeaveAmsgAfterBeep 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes! Honestly they wanted us to 1) not use the term and 2) not speak about our lives. They claimed it was because “goldstar as a term is demeaning to them” but even if you didn’t use the term they’d jump on you. It’s 100% because they were traumatized and not getting treatment or making progress handling that trauma. We were there, having small discussions and repeatedly even if you made a joke that was only meant for 12 followers (not at anyones expense) someone would dig it up just to start shit. We were easy to find, and small because after years of being targeted a lot of us would wear it like a badge of honor.

It was WILD. It went on for about 5+ years but I left by then, my partner said it went on longer and I still see remnants of it going on today (almost 9 years later) in the same small public community.

[–]florasis 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

So dumb. Imagine having nothing better to do than to worry and shit about people private sexual past.

[–]StoneyTangawizi1 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

What's crazy is that a lot of these anti-GS are supposedly so called "goldstars" themselves which confuses the hell out of me. Like why would GS be against their own kind?

[–]LeaveAmsgAfterBeep 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah some of them are, I think a lot of lesbians know the pain of being questioned and so project that onto the boogeywomen goldstars. Obviously if we refer to our experiences with a term, we somehow have.. power? We are always written about as “extremely fortunate” which is a hell of a leap, just because we did not suffer one type of trauma. To be honest, the anti-gs also have a crossover with polilez too, but not all. It’s... odd. For people who generally argued against anyone having sex they didn’t want, a lot seem against promoting ideas that you don’t HAVE to have sex you don’t want. Granted that should be a given by default for everyone including all women and all lesbians and goldstar shouldn’t be a rare status, but it still is. A lot of the anti-GS seemed to take pride in not being GS just as much as they hated having been through their truamatic experiences, so long as it was an excuse to actively shit on the small group of goldstars who got sick of seeing shit. At one point the words “how do you even know you’re a lesbian if you haven’t tried dick” was literally typed out by an anti-GS to us, along with a bunch of other “you’re not real lesbians and we’re better than you because we accept everyone” the old adage about being so accepting of everyone that the actual members are pushed out was never more beautifully illustrated than by that particular group who used the same arguments to (rightfully) critisize TRA and bisexual appropriators of “lesbian.” Just in too much pain and so afraid that we (idk 20 of us in a group of 400 to 1000 depending on the day?) somehow had “power” over them; when their group was much larger (maybe 100?).

It may sound irrelevant here, but I guarantee at least some of the discourse there spread to users on TL and here. Maybe not the same way, but witnesses of the shit show are likely around! 6 degrees of separation, etc. Same thing with polilez drama that same community encountered too, but hey at least I have some funny stories about some lady who sent herself fake threats to abort her baby “from lesbians,” her precious miracle “ShriMp Baby” whose sonogram she literally stole from the first result on google! 😝

[–][deleted] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That’s where I have seen it used as well and it’s deeply manipulative and horrible. I’ve seen some women who haven’t slept with men behave terribly online, but they are not the representatives of the majority. And there is no way in hell any lesbian thinks rape counts as consensual “sex” with men. That’s the dumbest bullshit on earth and the most whataboutery-style diversion ever