What's wrong with being a gold star lesbian?

submitted by Gynephile from (self.Lesbians)

I'm trying to understand why so many women feel insecure when you call yourself this (especially bisexual women). I was accidentally introduced to a subreddit called lesbianstryd*ck today and males are on there saying that all lesbians crave it and that they've fucked lesbians (vomits). I think that straight and bisexual women do look down on us for only being into women, asking what we do during sex and most bisexual women are with men and prefer to be with them.

I am an angry person mkay, a lot of things piss me off, but this might take the cake. I genuinely do not like straight or bisexual women. And it enrages me that men have the gall to say that lesbians secretly like them. That worm that they have between their legs gives me nightmares! So is it wrong for me to be proud that I have not and will never have sex with a male or am I shaming women who have had sex with men?

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[–]sootsprite 62 insightful - 1 fun62 insightful - 0 fun63 insightful - 1 fun -  (15 children)

lesbianstryd*ck

Of course subs like that is allowed on Reddit, but truelesbians was banned. I'm so tired

On the topic of "gold stars", I think it's fine to be proud of never giving into the pressure of sleeping with men when you don't want to, and I think it's good for other lesbians (especially younger) to see that and realize it's ok to not "try" sex with men before you can call yourself a lesbian.

[–]FrostyNugs 36 insightful - 3 fun36 insightful - 2 fun37 insightful - 3 fun -  (12 children)

It's only a hate sub if it doesn't get dicks and/or girldicks hard UwU

I'm against censorship of almost any kind but it's ridiculous how blatant leddit admins are about their favoritism

[–]SailorMoon2020 11 insightful - 9 fun11 insightful - 8 fun12 insightful - 9 fun -  (11 children)

I honestly think it's because the sub didn't go private. Sub likes cislesbians and homosexual women are still up, just private. My favorite sub and the only reason I went on Reddit besides for browsing True Lesbians now and again was r/Drama. It went private because two post about trans people went to r/all and Reddit admins came at them. Oh how, I miss r/drama.

Oh, I miss thee.

For I'd read you while I sat in a tree.

On the toilet about to pee.

R/drama

Without you, where do I go to read about stupid people doing stupid stuff

Woe is I for life is now tough

[–]Innisfree 10 insightful - 11 fun10 insightful - 10 fun11 insightful - 11 fun -  (9 children)

Ahaha at least reddit can inspire great poetic expression. As a sign of appreciation please accept this slightly butchered limmerick:

There once was a sailor named Moon

Who loved reading r/drama till noon

But the ban wave came

And ruined her game

Now our sailor from Moon

Writes fun poems at noon

And shares them with lezziez on saidit

So, s*ck it reddit!

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 5 fun2 insightful - 4 fun3 insightful - 5 fun -  (7 children)

You’re outrageous.

[–]Innisfree 6 insightful - 7 fun6 insightful - 6 fun7 insightful - 7 fun -  (6 children)

I'm using this quote on the front cover of the joint volume we'll publish with sailormoon.

Along with such gems as "So fking hot!" by florasis and "My horses liked it, ***" by Buckskin

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 5 fun4 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

Looooooooollllllllllllllll dead.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 4 fun2 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 4 fun -  (4 children)

My horses liked what now? Lol

[–]Innisfree 5 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 3 fun -  (3 children)

Poetry, lol I knew I should've been more clear 😂

But let's face it, you're probs too busy working to review and rate the book, so the horses will have to do it. :)

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Actually I’m not doing shit. Broken face and livestock aren’t a good match. So medical house arrest it is.

[–]Innisfree 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

We better finish that book soon then :).

As to the bell jar situation:

With a house arrest

It's really best...

Sod all, sod all is best in house arrest.

So I hope it ends soon,

By the next full moon

With a shiny new face

And all molars in place! . :)

Ps: if I could, I'd send you guys some honey, cause you must not have it very sweet right now with all the stress around the recovery. And some pelmeny (RussianTM) to brighten the mood.

[–]SailorMoon2020 3 insightful - 3 fun3 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

lol this is a hoot!

[–]FrostyNugs 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

Oh man, I used to lurk r/drama every once in a while and it was always great. I didn't know they got the axe too but I should have guessed with how easily offended plebbit is. RIP

[–]a_blue_bird 27 insightful - 9 fun27 insightful - 8 fun28 insightful - 9 fun -  (0 children)

I checked that sub out. It's just bisexual women who are fishing for male attention by pretending to be lesbians (as per usual). Literally the first post I read was from ''a lesbian'' who in other subs admitted to ''regularly wonder if she is bi'' and is going on dates with a guy. Sometimes I really have to wonder about these hetero games that women play with men. Is it really that hard to find a boyfriend by just being normal?

Edit: lol, ok, nvm, it seems to be just a sub where regular ''lesbians'' advertise their onlyfans where you can view them trying d ''for the first time'' one million times, for a very small fee :D

[–][deleted] 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Exactly. Resistance is a pillar of being a homo. It’s something we do in many aspects of our lives, not just sexuality. We should be happy some women didn’t have unsatisfying sex with people they are not attracted to, not bitter. Lol

[–]whateverman 38 insightful - 2 fun38 insightful - 1 fun39 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Gold star lesbianism should be the standard. Lesbians shouldn't be pressured to have sex with men.

Lesbian women that have had the misfortune of being pressured to sleep with men through coercion or outright sexual assault admonish gold stars because they feel insecure about themselves.

Bi women don't like it because their attraction to men isn't all that unique or interesting in widely heterosexual culture.

Men don't like it because they don't get to be involved.

[–]florasis 31 insightful - 9 fun31 insightful - 8 fun32 insightful - 9 fun -  (0 children)

Goldstars are pure legends. Me never touching a dick is a great pride.

[–]babystud 33 insightful - 1 fun33 insightful - 0 fun34 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

They are just mad at goldstars for not being into them

[–]lairacunda 31 insightful - 5 fun31 insightful - 4 fun32 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

Nope. GoldStars are awesome!

[–]FlanJam 33 insightful - 1 fun33 insightful - 0 fun34 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I've always thought goldstar was just harmless lesbian slang, and not even that serious. But a lot of people on the internet seem to have an aversion to it. Seems like they're afraid of this imaginary goldstar strawman that acts superior to everyone else for being "pure", but no one actually acts like that! I think the negativity towards goldstar is symptomatic of a bigger problem of how lesbians are always villainized and scapegoated.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]FlanJam 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    ikr! I almost never talk about my dating history in regards to men (or lack thereof) because if I do people will give me strange looks or give me a lecture about how goldstars are bad. Its almost like they feel threatened by the fact that I've never slept with men, it'd be funny if it wasn't so annoying lol

    [–]votkriscan 31 insightful - 1 fun31 insightful - 0 fun32 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Certainly not. Goldstar is an admirable trajectory. All lesbian women should be able to safely come to the conclusion that they are lesbians before being pushed into (largely) heterosexual dating. Of course, a lesbian who has gone through more to figure out who she is, isn't any less of a lesbian either. Lesbian is basically a woman who has come to the conclusion that they are exclusively attracted to women and thus have no desire to be involved with a man for the rest of her life henceforth. Anyone who still wants men romantically at some point in their lives, is not a lesbian.

    Homophobia is always head-shaking. But I see the bigger issue is the mass-altering of the narrative (pretending queer/identity(including acceptance of girldick) are default orientations if you aren't straight. This hurts lesbians. A lot of queer are straight people who don't fit into the mainstream, straight people who want to appear sexually adventurous plus milder and usually more homophobic bisexuals. The type of bisexual woman who genuinely date women tend to have no problem with the lesbian identity because it's actually to their benefit.). On top of that, the invasion of lesbian spaces. Men are always disgustingly obsessed with their penis. They have 90% of the female population, but they are still intent on 10% or less of the female population not wanting their parts? It's quite incredulous. Imagine if lesbians are this obsessed about the matter.

    [–]lmaonope333 26 insightful - 1 fun26 insightful - 0 fun27 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    imagine shaming lesbians for not caving to the pressure of heteronormativy. when I realized I was a lesbian I was super relieved that I'd never have to be with men, so I find it comical that I'm being villianized for it. of course I have nothing against women who slept with men before they realized they were lesbians. I'm just happy and grateful that i never had those horrible experiences and I wish no lesbians would ever be pressured into sleeping with men

    [–][deleted] 22 insightful - 4 fun22 insightful - 3 fun23 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

    So is it wrong for me to be proud that I have not and will never have sex with a male or am I shaming women who have had sex with men?

    I don't think it's wrong but why do you need strangers on the internet to tell you that? Feel proud if you want. Even shame other women if you want, it's not like we could stop you lol. exercise your own personal autonomy. As for the rapey men who think that lesbians (and just all women) crave dick there's nothing really new there. They are going to be around forever so we just have to learn to deal with it unfortunately

    [–]Gynephile[S] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Lol yeah I shouldn't let it get to me but it's really hard for me to think rationally when I get angry and I also have bipolar disorder. Men have said that I should try their d*ck in real life and I wanted to bash their head in. And many women have been homophobic to me in real life as well. But shitposting on here is a nonviolent way for me to express my feelings.

    [–][deleted] 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    Nothing. Goldstar, as I recall, was a joke aimed at other lesbians: like “Oh, do you want a gold star for never sleeping with men?”

    Goldstar just became an abbreviated way to say you hadn’t slept with a dude, since it was pretty common that many lesbians had had an experience or a few sexual experiences with men, mostly in high school, before coming out.

    Most lesbians were happy to hear someone was a goldstar, as they themselves wished they hadn’t had those experiences with males before they realized. It was just a joke term that was sometimes used AGAINST goldstars. (At least where I am)

    I think the current hate for goldstars is wild. Imagine lesbians resenting other women for resisting the pressure to conform? Lol. Lesbians of my generation took it as a funny term.

    Edit: and I know we are all supposed to be horrible man-haters and all, but some lesbians ended up sleeping with their good male friends in their teens and early 20s, and deeply regretting hurting them when they realized they were lesbians. Those women were especially happy that other lesbians didn’t go through that. Lots of women of my generation tried to date their good buddies in high school and it ended up poorly. Goldstars didn’t have to hurt anyone to figure it out. I am so glad I never had to go through that, because most of my best buddies were guys. No one wants to hurt their friends.

    [–]StoneyTangawizi1 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Sorry for asking this, but I don't understand how is it hurting their male friends or anyone when they finally realized they were lesbians?

    Also do you think goldstars are much more common among the young future generation of lesbians?

    [–][deleted] 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Because when you sleep with someone you are friends with, there is a chance that your lack of ability to be attracted to them going forward (if they are emotionally attached to you and attracted to you) can hurt them. It’s inevitable to come out as a lesbian, no matter who it hurts, but there are a few women out there who wish they didn’t have to lose, or hurt a friend during that process.

    And no, I think there will be very few gold stars among young lesbians because the pressure to experiment with men is coming from inside the community and from outside. I think this next generation is going to have a lot of sex trauma to work through

    [–]FilthyHomo 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    I don’t get why everyone wants us to not be gold star. Me having dated and had sex with men left me with serious trauma, yet the lgbt community wants us to all not be gold star.

    [–][deleted] 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

    what an odd sub. I think there's possibly a few messed up people on there and people wanting to promote their onlyfans pages. What else makes a women post on a public forum asking to hook up with strangers?

    [–][deleted] 31 insightful - 8 fun31 insightful - 7 fun32 insightful - 8 fun -  (2 children)

    straight and bi women do wacky things for male attention that we will just never understand 🤷

    [–][deleted] 19 insightful - 5 fun19 insightful - 4 fun20 insightful - 5 fun -  (1 child)

    Yeah, but even for bi and straight women... their behaviour doesn't seem healthy at all!

    [–]LeaveAmsgAfterBeep 14 insightful - 2 fun14 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    Honestly likely bi/het women lying for $$$ and male attention, nothing is more true to character of the really fucked up ones.

    [–]yousaythosethings 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Is this one of those “controversies” that only exists on the Internet? I remember seeing a lot on Reddit about the lesbian obsession with gold stars, from bisexual women, men, and also other lesbians feeling excluded but does anyone care IRL if someone else is proud to be a gold star? Does anyone really feel excluded? I don’t personally care and I’m not a gold star. So many lesbian aren’t gold stars that it’s not like you’d really be outcasted. I’m thinking of also famous Lesbians on YouTube and how many of them are not gold stars (Rose Dix, Arielle Scarcella, etc.). Nobody cares and they don’t seem to either. So where’s the controversy?

    Anyway, the only scenario that I recall that was a little bit controversial was someone saying they only want to be with a partner who is a gold star lesbian because they otherwise wouldn’t be able to respect their partner while in the next breath revealing that their girlfriend was bisexual or at least very much not a gold star. It was just weird with the juxtaposition of the statements she was making effectively meaning that she didn’t respect her existing partner and by her own words saw her as “weak.”

    To be clear, i don’t care if someone only wants to date gold stars and I don’t care why that is. In this scenario it just had the appearance of being a kind of toxic relationship lacking in respect and honesty.

    [–]VioletRemi 14 insightful - 4 fun14 insightful - 3 fun15 insightful - 4 fun -  (3 children)

    Not sure where you are seeing such things. I only heard it or saw it being said by men or by straight (sometimes bisexual) women. And, well, why should you care about opinion of men about your sexuality and sexual life, if you are lesbian and there no place for men in there? :D

    Especially if you take into consideration that majority of men and straight women (and many bisexual women who are leadning to straight relationship) are thinking that real sex is not real sex because there no penises involved (that is one of reasons why everyone thinks there always strapon or dildo in lesbian sex, lol). And that is why there are so many "couple is searching lesbian for threesome" in dating apps, it is because if woman sleeps with his wife - it is "not cheating, because there no real sex between them", but if wife sleeps with man or husband sleeps with woman or husband sleeps with man are all "cheating". And lets not forget about all those queer theorists and "transbians" who are pushing "girldicks" on lesbians and saying that "being lesbian is transphobia, lesbians must sleep with dicks or they are transphobes".

    Do not listen to any of that, that all is just pure homophobia and attempts of rape. Do not take any of their words seriously, as their words are coming from hate or desire.

    On the other hand more often I saw opposite story in lesbian communities themselves. Non-goldstar lesbians were ashamed by few elitist gold stars - we even had two of such persons in this very sub with them saying stuff like "you are not true lesbian if you ever slept with man or was raped, you are bisexual at best, go from here to your precious men" (one of them spammed my DM's for a week, until I blocked her), gladly they are pretty silent (or maybe banned by mods) nowadays. Most gold star lesbians are cool women, tho, and not elitists. And in this sub (or TL?) was one young teen lesbian who had problem with elitist too - she was raped, and was afraid to share that with her girlfriend, as girlfriend was "I will date only other gold star". They were only 16-17 years old, so maybe that is just teen maximalism.

    Anyways, what I am saying is that - do not listen to men about your sexuality, and do not be elitist yourself. And everything will be cool.

    And it enrages me that men have the gall to say that lesbians secretly like them.

    I think it is because of porn popularized lesbians, and many bisexual women are saying "I am lesbian, but I will sleep with you, as you are so good man". Tag "lesbian" was most popular porn tag in the world in last few years.

    And second reason is "fragile male ego" - they just can't believe they are rejected and that women can be fine without them at all.

    [–]florasis 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    Totally perfectly said

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [removed]

      [–]ShotTopic 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      Nothing, as long as you don't use it in a mean way. Which I've never heard of happening (I'm sure someone has somewhere, I mostly hear it used as a joke).

      [–]Lady_Montgomery 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      Lesbianism goes against the patriarchy, so of course it gets looked down upon. Most women are brainwashed to worship the patriarchy and defend it tooth and nail. In Ancient Rome you had dicks pictured everywhere. What’s so different about it today? If you’re not a slave The dick you’re an abomination. Be a proud gold star lesbian. Sadly there aren’t many out there. And we all know why.

      [–][deleted] 15 insightful - 1 fun15 insightful - 0 fun16 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      I hope for a future where all lesbians growing up get to be gold or even platinum stars.

      [–][deleted] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

      It’s never made a difference to me either way. Everyone has something they don’t want to talk about, some times that may have been fucking a dude when they were trying to figure their shit out.

      [–][deleted] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

      We are close in age, and honestly I’ve never known lesbians to think much of women having some uggghhh experience with dudes before coming out. It was a non-thing. Being a goldstar is rare. I’m a goldstar and haven’t met many.

      When a woman has been with men more than a few times, over years, then it is questionable, imo, but it was totally not a big deal to have a small amount of experience with men in youth, I’ve never known lesbians to make a big deal about that.

      Some of the women on late bloomer lesbians are sketchy as hell in my mind, but at the same time, we are not living their lives so it’s hard to truly judge it.

      [–][deleted] 7 insightful - 3 fun7 insightful - 2 fun8 insightful - 3 fun -  (1 child)

      As long as it wasn’t recent “experiences”, or what I like to call “relations”, I was good with it.

      [–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      Yeah. I would ask when it was and if it stopped altogether. If those answers made sense to me I would immediately not give a shit.

      [–]Seahorse 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

      Yeah I think this is a younger generation thing.

      Nobody cared whether someone had or hadn't slept with a dude when I was a young lesbian.

      The important thing was it was a past tense situation if they had.

      I'm a gold star for reference.

      [–][deleted] 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

      So what you’re saying is I’ve become an old lesbian? How the hell did that happen?

      [–]Seahorse 5 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

      I know I'm struggling with this too😭😂

      [–][deleted] 4 insightful - 5 fun4 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

      We are all screwed if young lesbians look up to me.

      [–]MisandryFTW 11 insightful - 3 fun11 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 3 fun -  (39 children)

      You have every right to be proud of who you are. The main issue I have with the idea of gold star is it can make women who have been raped by men, discovered they were lesbian later in life, or live in a situation where they are forced to marry and/or have sex with men to survive feel dirty or invalid. Interestingly I recently became a retroactive gold star as the last of my rapists came out as trans (if you count that sort of thing).

      [–][deleted] 27 insightful - 2 fun27 insightful - 1 fun28 insightful - 2 fun -  (38 children)

      Okay, listen, no one in their right mind would think a lesbian who has been raped is not a “goldstar.” So let’s just get that out there right now. You don’t believe it, I don’t believe it, and if someone does they are TRASH. Rape is not even close to the same thing as consensual sex. I find it REALLY REALLY hard to imagine a lesbian woman equating rape to sex. That is the most logical fallacy possible.

      Coming out later in life is a different animal and that’s a case by case basis. It’s a lot more complicated and I think the late bloomers understand that.

      [–]florasis 17 insightful - 6 fun17 insightful - 5 fun18 insightful - 6 fun -  (23 children)

      Still, I don't get late bloomer much. Like there was a post about a lesbian who understood she was not bisexual after joining a BSDM group and dominating a man in dress, who then said to a trans after she came out as lesbian. I mean, I know that some people can take time and not everyone got kindergarten crush on girls like me, but, it blows my mind one takes so many years and sleeping with multiple men before understanding the lack of interest toward dick.

      [–]VioletRemi 12 insightful - 5 fun12 insightful - 4 fun13 insightful - 5 fun -  (4 children)

      If believe statistics, that at least third of straight women never having orgasm, I can guess that people just saying "it is fine to not feel good during sex in straight relationship" (remember that recent bisexual screen in LGBDropTheT?) so it is "how it supposed to be" told them all the time.

      [–]florasis 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

      It isn't just not having orgasm. It's totally lacking attraction toward males, inability to get aroused, aversion to cock. Hetero women don't get orgasms, but they feel arousal to dick. A lesbian at best feels nothing, and at worst, feels repulsion.

      [–]VioletRemi 6 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 2 fun7 insightful - 3 fun -  (2 children)

      True. Then maybe they think that not wanting men is part of not having pleasure and is normal too? :D

      [–]florasis 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

      Do not know, seriously. I just don't get how someone takes so long for getting she isn't attracted to males.

      [–]VioletRemi 5 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

      True, I always knew I am not attrackted to men, even while was married.

      [–]MisandryFTW 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

      At least for me, I have ASD and experienced a lot of abuse as a kid, so I probably had a weird view of attraction and consent. I didn't even know about lesbians until I was a teen and I assumed that everyone was attracted to women since they were overly sexualized in the media, and that no one was actually attracted to men because they were gross. I assumed that all women just pretended to be into men to be polite and because they were expected to, just like how you have to do chores even though they aren't fun. Nearly all my consensual sexual activities have been with women, but men and boys are pushy and ended up doing things to me or pressuring me to date them (threatening suicide or violence). I was very grossed out by their bodies and everything about sex with them and it was nearly impossible for me to orgasm, which often made them violent because it hurt their pride. I would just immediately disassociate any time they were being sexual, then it was over eventually. When I was still a kid my mom found out I liked girls so she kicked me out. I stayed with a 30 year old male friend who pressured me into being his girlfriend and got stuck with him for 15 years because I was afraid to leave.

      [–]florasis 13 insightful - 4 fun13 insightful - 3 fun14 insightful - 4 fun -  (7 children)

      Wow, I get your nickname....

      I'm fucking sorry, you're experience is horrible. I know lots of men suck but you seem to have met really the worst of the worst.

      [–]MisandryFTW 11 insightful - 5 fun11 insightful - 4 fun12 insightful - 5 fun -  (6 children)

      Lol, actually my name is because I was told by TRAs and cis men that I was being misandrist for excluding men from my dating pool.

      [–]florasis 12 insightful - 8 fun12 insightful - 7 fun13 insightful - 8 fun -  (5 children)

      Even normal men? Fuck them all. I mean, no, don't fuck them all :D

      [–]MisandryFTW 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

      I mean don't you know that "lesbian" is really just a porn category designed to arouse men, and lesbians are just women who are playing hard to get or saving themselves for the right penis? /s

      I stopped going to the local gay bar because I kept getting men coming up to my girlfriend and I asking for threesomes or one creepy guy trying to force me to give him a blowjob in the parking lot while I was having an asthma attack and using my inhaler. I know bisexuals exist, but the gay bar is the one place you shouldn't hit on opposite sex folks, especially if they're clearly there with someone already. They have the entire world to hit on same sex folks. I told the blowjob guy he should go inside and ask literally any man for a blowjob and he got offended and said, "I ain't a [slur for gay men]!" I just can't anymore.

      [–]florasis 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

      Did you denounce him to someone. That's a sexual assault and happening in a gay bar. Fucking absurd. I know the lesbian fetish and the misogyny, but your experience with men is really mind blowing.

      [–]MisandryFTW 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

      I think maybe because I'm not good with boundaries and I used to be very conventionally attractive when I was younger in a way that predators are into. Tiny, long blonde hair, giant tits, looked young for my age, short and thin. I also dressed very feminine because I would get beaten and yelled at otherwise. I've noticed since I've gained weight, gotten older, started dressing more butch, and learned to be more assertive I've had almost zero problems with men. My girlfriend is tall and butch and assertive and she was almost never harassed. I've also experimented and if I go for a walk with all my skin covered but I'm wearing a long skirt I get catcalled, even though you can't see my body at all, but if I wear shorts or pants it's very unlikely.

      Weirdly even women I didn't know would just start playing with my hair from behind without introducing themselves first. I would joke to my friends that it happened every time in the Trader Joe's cereal aisle and they're like, "yeah sure" but then we went to TJs and it happened in front of people twice. Middle aged women just start playing with my hair. One thing that's great about Covid is the 6 foot rule. My hair used to be down to almost my knees and dyed rainbow, so I was probably asking for it or something.

      [–]FrostyNugs 9 insightful - 3 fun9 insightful - 2 fun10 insightful - 3 fun -  (4 children)

      Exactly. That part definitely stood out about that DtT post to me, too. I can even kind of understand how someone might sleep with a guy once, with all of the pressure to "just try it once, just to be sure! How do you know if you've never tried it?" But how does someone not realize they aren't into guys until after they've slept with a bunch of them? Or joining a BDSM club, which is something someone will go out of their way to join because it is specifically of great interest to them, with the intent of having both heterosexual and homosexual relations? Nothing against those that do, it just genuinely confuses the fuck out of me and I don't get it.

      [–]florasis 13 insightful - 5 fun13 insightful - 4 fun14 insightful - 5 fun -  (2 children)

      I was kind perplexed too. I mean, a short relationship in teen years, totally understable. But years of believing you are bi, sleeping with men and joining perverted clubs , to get you're not into males at all. That's so absurd.

      [–]StoneyTangawizi1 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

      I think they are self hating bisexuals tbh.

      [–]Seahorse 9 insightful - 5 fun9 insightful - 4 fun10 insightful - 5 fun -  (0 children)

      To be fair some bisexual women have been so starved of decent sex have this euphoric omg this is so great I must be a lesbian phase.

      My friend had this, she literally said to me "Omg I think I'm a lesbian" and I was like...oh honey no you're not.

      [–]StoneyTangawizi1 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      I think those women are definitely bisexuals in denial if they need to sleep with multiple men all over the years in order to know whether they are a lesbian.

      [–]Seahorse 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

      I just read that thread, who figures out they're lesbian from a kink group 😂🤣

      [–]florasis 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      She either bisexual or not very smart...

      [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

      Yeah, I don’t relate either, but i don’t relate to plenty of things, it seems. Lol

      [–]florasis 8 insightful - 7 fun8 insightful - 6 fun9 insightful - 7 fun -  (0 children)

      Not relate to plenty of things has been my reality since I came out of my mother .D

      [–]LeaveAmsgAfterBeep 17 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 0 fun18 insightful - 1 fun -  (7 children)

      ^ I’ve been in exclusively goldstar groups because of how bad some of the anti-GS were (not the same thing as non-GS!) in an online community I was in that rarely but sometimes did bleed over into real life meetups. No one ever said this on the GS side, in fact a lot of the GS lesbians argued against such a thing— and many I have known have been raped or sexually abused by men.

      The only people who I ever saw promote the idea that GS excludes women who have been raped were those in the “anti-GS” group- as a talking point to demonize goldstars— and it wasn’t the only dirty tactic they would use (suicide baiting, insults, shunning, lying, appeals to het/bi allies to interfere, etc). Most of the GS felt the term was either helpful to them pre/post coming out and so wanted it around so other young lesbians could find it, or found it tongue in cheek or light hearted enough to joke around with.

      [–]TalerTest 16 insightful - 1 fun16 insightful - 0 fun17 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

      Anti-GS group? Do people really get together and steam over the fact that there's lesbians who have never had sex with men? That's honestly funny. What's even the goal?

      [–]FrostyNugs 15 insightful - 11 fun15 insightful - 10 fun16 insightful - 11 fun -  (0 children)

      Do people really get together and steam over the fact that there's lesbians who have never had sex with men?

      Yes, they're called trans activists :)

      [–]LeaveAmsgAfterBeep 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      Yes! Honestly they wanted us to 1) not use the term and 2) not speak about our lives. They claimed it was because “goldstar as a term is demeaning to them” but even if you didn’t use the term they’d jump on you. It’s 100% because they were traumatized and not getting treatment or making progress handling that trauma. We were there, having small discussions and repeatedly even if you made a joke that was only meant for 12 followers (not at anyones expense) someone would dig it up just to start shit. We were easy to find, and small because after years of being targeted a lot of us would wear it like a badge of honor.

      It was WILD. It went on for about 5+ years but I left by then, my partner said it went on longer and I still see remnants of it going on today (almost 9 years later) in the same small public community.

      [–]florasis 12 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

      So dumb. Imagine having nothing better to do than to worry and shit about people private sexual past.

      [–]StoneyTangawizi1 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

      What's crazy is that a lot of these anti-GS are supposedly so called "goldstars" themselves which confuses the hell out of me. Like why would GS be against their own kind?

      [–]LeaveAmsgAfterBeep 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      Yeah some of them are, I think a lot of lesbians know the pain of being questioned and so project that onto the boogeywomen goldstars. Obviously if we refer to our experiences with a term, we somehow have.. power? We are always written about as “extremely fortunate” which is a hell of a leap, just because we did not suffer one type of trauma. To be honest, the anti-gs also have a crossover with polilez too, but not all. It’s... odd. For people who generally argued against anyone having sex they didn’t want, a lot seem against promoting ideas that you don’t HAVE to have sex you don’t want. Granted that should be a given by default for everyone including all women and all lesbians and goldstar shouldn’t be a rare status, but it still is. A lot of the anti-GS seemed to take pride in not being GS just as much as they hated having been through their truamatic experiences, so long as it was an excuse to actively shit on the small group of goldstars who got sick of seeing shit. At one point the words “how do you even know you’re a lesbian if you haven’t tried dick” was literally typed out by an anti-GS to us, along with a bunch of other “you’re not real lesbians and we’re better than you because we accept everyone” the old adage about being so accepting of everyone that the actual members are pushed out was never more beautifully illustrated than by that particular group who used the same arguments to (rightfully) critisize TRA and bisexual appropriators of “lesbian.” Just in too much pain and so afraid that we (idk 20 of us in a group of 400 to 1000 depending on the day?) somehow had “power” over them; when their group was much larger (maybe 100?).

      It may sound irrelevant here, but I guarantee at least some of the discourse there spread to users on TL and here. Maybe not the same way, but witnesses of the shit show are likely around! 6 degrees of separation, etc. Same thing with polilez drama that same community encountered too, but hey at least I have some funny stories about some lady who sent herself fake threats to abort her baby “from lesbians,” her precious miracle “ShriMp Baby” whose sonogram she literally stole from the first result on google! 😝

      [–][deleted] 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      That’s where I have seen it used as well and it’s deeply manipulative and horrible. I’ve seen some women who haven’t slept with men behave terribly online, but they are not the representatives of the majority. And there is no way in hell any lesbian thinks rape counts as consensual “sex” with men. That’s the dumbest bullshit on earth and the most whataboutery-style diversion ever

      [–]MisandryFTW 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

      Ever since I was a teenager everyone I hung out with said if you so much as kissed a boy or had a penis anywhere near you for any reason you weren't gold star. I guess my problem is implying that gold star makes you a better person somehow, when it actually just makes you a luckier person. To be fair, it was "male lesbians" who were saying the stuff about gold stars. I've since cut nearly all males out of my life and things are great now.

      [–][deleted] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

      The only people who imply that goldstar makes you a better person are probably not actual goldstars. When I see people hating on goldstars they are mostly projecting. It’s actually really hard to be a lesbian for any of us. As someone who has not had sex with a man, I heard the whole “but how can you know if you haven’t fucked a guy” bit my whole life, as if i can’t tell that my body is not interested in them. Being a goldstar brings suspicion, just from a different angle than non-goldstar.

      I imagine that young goldstars these days are VERY gate-keeping about lesbianism, and it’s honestly hard to blame them for feeling that way since everyone and their dog, and their BOYFRIEND are calling themselves lesbians. I would be extremely rageful if I were in that demographic, so I have some forgiveness for some of the more ridiculous gatekeeping I’ve seen, even if I don’t think it is legit

      [–]MisandryFTW 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

      I also get the "You just haven't fucked the right man yet." As if I need to fuck every man on Earth to prove I'm a lesbian.

      [–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

      Why would any lesbian go for plain old men when lesbians are the best boyfriends AND girlfriends at the same time?

      [–]MisandryFTW 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

      It's sad that they think the best thing they bring to the table is their dick.

      [–][deleted] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      8/10 straight women agree. I have about 6 different dicks and that’s never what i promote myself as a lover and partner with. Lol

      [–]MyLongestJourney 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      I was accidentally introduced to a subreddit called lesbianstryd*ck today and males are on there saying that all lesbians crave it and that they've fucked lesbians

      (insert projectile vomiting gif)

      [–][deleted] 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

      Nothing.

      [–]BigMommyMilkers 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      Lmao that sub, I don't think I've ever seen so much LARPing on Reddit before

      [–]SeahorseLT 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      For me, it is a thing that makes me kinda happy and proud about myself but not in a way where I have to advertise it.

      It's just that in my circle of friends, at school, I was under heavy pressure to "finally lose the V card" and it was really really a struggle not to just go and sleep with a guy so people would get off my back. I didn't realize I was a lesbian until I was 17, and repressed a lot, so people were starting to see me as super weird for still not having had a boyfriend and stuff. For a while, I identified as asexual but I knew it wasn't the right thing to describe myself. It just kept people off my back.

      Came out to myself at 18, and only then even allowed myself to think about what "did it" for me. Women.

      So going through all that pressure without having given in just because of "friends" telling me to and having been true to my gut feeling, that's something I am proud about in myself.

      My ex only knew I was a goldstar because I had to kinda explain to her that at 22, I was still a virgin and had no experience whatsoever. It was not a virtue signalling thing for me. I don't even know many (or any) gold stars because of said friend group. There was a girl who is now bisexual that was always telling me, "But you haven't tried. I tried, and it's fun both ways. Come on, try! [Insert random guys name] fancies you!"