yea. 7th grade. we were like 2 months into the semester, and she was the new kid. we were a small school, roughly 80-100 students per grade, and most of us had gone to elementary together so everyone knew and was cool with everyone. new kids weren't really a thing for us. i remember the class freaking out when our teacher said the principal was coming to our room, because such an occurrence was usually followed by bad news. but not this time..

she had the most beautiful brown eyes. and her laugh was greatest thing i had ever heard.

we clicked instantly. turns out she had problems at home, so her parents sent her to live with her grandmother, who lived not too far from where i did. i walked her home everyday. there was one particular incident during one of our walks that i'll never forget..

so, i'm a 'butch', 'stud', etc. i've been dressing 'like a boy' from the wee old age of 5. that's when i built up the courage to tell my mother 'no more dresses' (outside of my brothers wedding, i haven't been in one since). it wasn't really that big of a deal when i was a kid because i hadn't grown breasts so everyone thought i was a boy, but baby listen!? once i did!? it was all everyone talked about. (to be fair, they're huge and always have been. what 11 year old just grows DDs overnight?) anyway, me and my love were walking home, we past a group of men(not boys, MEN) and them being the disgusting men they were, decide to throw a whole bunch of bullshit our way, mostly aimed at me, my chest, how "weird" i am, etc. i've never been someone that paid strangers any mind. but her, she's completely different. she's a firecracker. she defended the hell out of me in a way that no one ever has(like, to this day, 20 years later, no one has). i already had a huge crush on her, but that moment changed everything. for the first time ever, i felt like i mattered.. ACTUALLY mattered to someone that wasn't my parents or older brothers(who i felt HAD to care about me). which was weird cause i had a ton of friends and extended family. none of them ever stood up for me. i felt loved. i felt safe. it was amazing.

i was broken when she had to go back to her parents house 2 years later. they lived too far, there's no way she would stay at our school. i had a cell phone and the internet back then but she didn't, so unless she made the long trip to my hood, there was no way we would ever talk or see each other again. it was hard. is it pure coincidence that i struggled in school going forward? probably not.

luckily, we reconnected in our 20s, but.. she had a whole family by then. the dream was dead hahah

but that's my baby still. forever.