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[–]TalerTest 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (14 children)

when it comes to rep on-screen though I think strap on sex is not a problem, as long as it is not the only thing shown - not to give the idea that this is all lesbians do

Personally, I don't want to see strap-ons in lesbian movies at all. I don't care what people want to do in their bedrooms, but the rest of the world already thinks that's all we do since the majority of "lesbian" representation comes from porn.

If someone was complaining about the negativity surrounding strap-ons in the lesbian community I'd probably just laugh at them. That's a non-issue. To me, the real issue would be everyone thinking that lesbians are obsessed with phalluses.

[–]Innisfree 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (12 children)

Personally, i think there are two ways that strap-on sex can be shown without giving the idea that this is all lesbians do in bed. One that would make a more light-hearted or funny comment on the practice, like we see with vibrators. And one where it is placed in context as the sex toy that it is, that is a small part of some people's bedroom repertoire.

Regarding a more light-hearted rep of kinks in general, I saw this great film once "The Duke of Burgundy" on two lesbians in a long marriage, one of them is really into being a sub to the other. Made myself watch it cause i couldn't understand all this predilection for sub-dom stuff in some lesbian online communities (perhaps they were not lesbians, with online you never know). Anywho, the film shows this dynamic of the sub always trying to up the game with the dom, and by the end of the film their relationship erodes, cause the dom just gets tired of playing out all these scenarios :), of dressing up in the tight leather, wearing the high heels (which hurts her back :) ), saying all the dom talk. There is this whole atmosphere of boredom and also sadness over the whole thing as soon as the newness wears off (which it inevitably does). It is a great example of representing some predilections with nuance and humour.

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (11 children)

Pixels likes that film. I think the sub is actually the dom, btw. The older woman is the actual submissive one. That was her reading of it but I haven’t seen it because she told me about it and i was like “ugggggghhhhhhhhhhhhhh” because i just want to see a normal lesbian film for once ffs without some crazy age gap or torture porn stuff lol

[–]Innisfree 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

I'd love to hear Pixel's thoughts on it - she brings great angles to things that usually fly over my head.

I am beginning to see how pervasive the torture porn and age gap stuff are. You have red pilled me Lol (forgive the use of the term).

That film though saved me from one of my ex's getting my naive self into more than I can handle. I had some alarm bells ringing when she started talking about how "Bdsm is so interesting" and we should get that strap on (cue giant black leathery thing). I wanted to nope out of that the very moment but being the in-love dunce I was I thought I should do research and watch a film. Well this film just confirmed that none of the sub dom stuff is for me. Needless to say we broke up soon after. She is exploring how interesting bdsm is with a guy now :)

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Barf to your ex

Bdsm isn’t that interesting. It’s actually pretty boring, imo. I have a strap on and use it. I don’t care if that’s whatever to anyone. If my partner didn’t want something I would be turned off by it. That’s the important thing, not trying to get someone to have sex they find off-putting. Nothing would gross me out more, tbh.

[–]Innisfree 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Word mate, word!

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

Aww, thanks.

I think we're more or less in agreement on DoB - I just saw the younger, submissive one as the true dominant partner in the relationship as she controlled the power dynamics and wielded the threat of looking outside the relationship to fulfill her needs.

But I didn't really see it as all that lighthearted though. It is a funny movie, but by the end - even though they're shown burning the scripts and getting rid of the trunk - the "dom" is back in the wig and about to re-enact the same scenario we saw at the beginning and throughout the movie, re-entering the whole cycle that made her so miserable in the first place. So to me the whole thing was really horrible and sad and not a happy ending at all. And if you extrapolate the bdsm roles to just regular roles we play in relationships in order to please our partners, it shows how you can sacrifice your happiness and lose your sense of self when the person who is your entire world desires different things than you do. I've never been in a serious relationship, so this hit on a lot of very specific fears of mine - having to change for someone else, having a life that revolves around another person, having to forgo personal boundaries and preferences in order to please someone, etc.

I've seen people refer to it as a "beautiful love story", so maybe it's just me, but it's like they watched a different movie than I did. To me it's a personal nightmare.

[–]Innisfree 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (4 children)

Brill reading. Don't know how i retrospectively managed to erase the sad ending from my mind. I suppose i focused too much on the irony of the whole situation. Specifically, that the one who was the sub in the roleplay was, like you say, the one who controlled the relationship dynamics. And her manipulative side - scary stuff!

And if you extrapolate the bdsm roles to just regular roles we play in relationships in order to please our partners, it shows how you can sacrifice your happiness and lose your sense of self when the person who is your entire world desires different things than you do.

That's a great way to summarise the message of the movie. I appreciate it even more now. Because at the time it also rung some bells for me and mapped out a minefield for future relationships. After watching it i remember being less willing to redraw my boundaries. Useful. Perhaps a rewatch is in order it's been 6 years already, wow. Thank you for sharing your thoughts! Highly recommend to anyone in a new relationship or just out of one because - see pixel's post.

Edit: missed a word

[–][deleted] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

Thanks! I just saw it for the first time recently, after putting it off for a long time (I thought the bdsm elements were going to be considerably more explicit). After seeing In Fabric (not as good, but worth seeing) in the theater, I took the plunge.

It's possible people are reading the ending as a compromise between the pair, but Cynthia, the dom, looks so sad while fixing her wig and like she doesn't recognize herself in the mirror. Coupled with the movie ending where it begins, I read it as an unhealthy cycle. If you see it again, let me know what your thoughts are. I had thought about recommending it in one of the film threads, but I think it's hard to find on streaming and I wasn't sure how a male directed, weirdo bdsm lesbian movie that mimics 70s sexploitation would fly. I loved it though.

[–]Innisfree 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

It's certainly unhealthy. But I enjoyed the complexity with which the dynamic was portrayed. It's sparse on dialogue and evocative - good combo. I'll rewatch though and get back with my pensées :)

[–]Innisfree 3 insightful - 2 fun3 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 2 fun -  (1 child)

Re-watched and re-appreciated. Besides again agreeing with your reading, all i can say is i re-appreciated Sidse's acting and the fact that her character had to stay so well hydrated throughout the film Lol

On a side note. Peter Strickland, the writer and director, said sth that i found to be true while watching: he tried to make a tender film about relationship dynamics, rather than a specific practice (your reading, spot on). He tried not condemning the characters, but also look with humour and empathy at some of the excesses - "the things we do for love".

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm glad it held up to a second viewing. Sidse Babett Knudsen is really incredible in it, as the cracks begin to show in their relationship, you can really tell what she's thinking and feeling at every turn. And yeah, realizing why she kept drinking all that water was an LOL moment for me.

I think this is the best of the Strickland movies I've seen by a long shot, but Berberian Sound Studio and In Fabric had a lot going for them as well.

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Also: i passed the message to pixels and she will hopefully give you all of the pixelly angles we have grown to love.

[–]Innisfree 4 insightful - 2 fun4 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Thanks for sending the pixelly angles our way :)

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I would be more offended if they whipped out those tiny candy-coloured vibrators, but i totally get what you are saying.

For me, unless a couple as had sex with their bodies only at least a few times, having random scenes with strap-ons is not the best look.