How much does where you live impact your dating life?

submitted by uroborosjohnson from self.Lesbians

My company has offered to transfer me to a new position. It's a great opportunity for me but it's in a much more remote place. Not middle of nowhere, but the population is smaller than any city I've ever lived in.

I've been single for awhile and covid loneliness is taking its toll. So much so that I'm honestly considering turning down the position. I can't imagine how small the lesbian dating pool is outside of a major city.

Has anyone had a successful dating life in smaller cities or rural areas?

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[–][deleted] 12 insightful - 3 fun12 insightful - 2 fun13 insightful - 3 fun -  (5 children)

Sometimes women work more at maintaining their relationships when there are not as many choices available, and value the people they meet more deeply. It might actually be great! You could meet some THIRSTY dykes.

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 3 fun10 insightful - 2 fun11 insightful - 3 fun -  (4 children)

The first time I took my wife back home she said holy shit there’s so many lesbians here. She looked shocked when I said that’s what straight women look like here. Don’t get into small town lesbian thirst it can be a harsh place to go.

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (2 children)

At least those women come by their lesbian looks honestly and are not cosplaying us as some kind of non-binary fashion statement. Lol

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 4 fun5 insightful - 3 fun6 insightful - 4 fun -  (1 child)

We are a function over fashion type of people. Most of the lesbians here take it up a notch and look like they should be driving semi trucks full of bud light while chain smoking off brand cigarettes.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 4 fun4 insightful - 3 fun5 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

At least they would have room for my stuff in their truck. No need for a uhaul

[–][deleted] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Omg, I have always lived in major cities, but a few years ago I started working in a small town outside my city. The amount of flannel and boots straight women wear in the country....

[–]FrostyNugs 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

It's true that there's going to be fewer gay/bi women away from major cities but on the bright side, those that you do find will probably have a higher chance of not believing in queer theory bullshit.

[–]VioletRemi 7 insightful - 4 fun7 insightful - 3 fun8 insightful - 4 fun -  (0 children)

It is small city in semi-homophobic country, so it affecting pretty strongly, I'd say. However, my mood of not wanting to date anyone matters much more, and it was my choice to get here.

[–]piylot 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I moved from a city with a larger young adult lgbt population to one with a smaller one, still a city, and I often regret not giving that factor more weight when considering my options. I knew it would be a downgrade in that sense but felt like I don't need there to be tonnes of options, I just need a few good ones, but it's been lonelier than I anticipated. There's a limited amount we can say about what choice is right for you. Another thing I see I could have taken into account in hindsight is to be in a city where the population tends to reflect your own interests eg liberal, outdoorsy, a place with a lot of temporary people vs with more settled down families.

[–]uroborosjohnson[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I really appreciate you sharing your experience! It's tough with the lesbian dating pool being as small as it is to begin with

[–]carrotcake 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I have no idea about how bad the dating scene is in small places, but I know some women with good experiences in smaller cities, but mostly not REALLY small. Besides that I'd say that this decision also depends what do you value more and how great is this position. For example, if I got a job I really wanted and it was in a smaller city I would move right away because my career is my priority right now.

[–]a_blue_bird 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Yes, it is very difficult to date in these areas. I would not recommend. You can get lucky, but you'd be taking quite a big risk. Can you take that job for 1-2 years and then transfer back though?

[–]uroborosjohnson[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I'm thinking about doing that. I'll probably just decline the position though.

[–]Cotton 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I just relocated to a city with a not so great dating pool. But that did not factor into my decision one bit. What did are the other things that would make me happy. I don't make choices in my life based on the potential of meeting someone else. You can't just sit still hoping someone will come along. You can try to be happy alone and go from there.