35+ lesbians

submitted by [deleted] from self.Lesbians

What are your thoughts on the current situation for lesbians? How do you think it has changed over the last 20-30 years or so? Do you feel that the progress made (equal marriage rights, discrimination laws, ability to live openly and women's rights in general) is somewhat being reversed by the emerging trans/queer agenda?

Younger lesbians are also welcome to comment, of course:)

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[–][deleted] 23 insightful - 1 fun23 insightful - 0 fun24 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I feel most sorry for young lesbians. The sheer number of ridiculous identity variations is insane. The LGB community has never been a picnic (hard to unite entire groups of people over sexual orientation and little else), but we managed to get by without threatening to murder one another or get anyone fired for being homosexual. The community online really does seem full to the brim with very unwell people, many of whom should not be making extreme medical decisions. I think we will all suffer for it, possibly for years to come.

But I also think lesbians are not going anywhere and will continue to exist forever. We really cannot be erased, no matter who thinks what about us, including other lesbians. I hope the young people believe that no one can erase them, lesbians will always find one another.

[–][deleted] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yes we will!

[–][deleted] 11 insightful - 1 fun11 insightful - 0 fun12 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Exactly this.

[–][deleted] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I’m in my 30s (maybe 35 plus, I’ll leave that vague)

In my lifetime being homosexual was considered sin and socially not very accepting. Everyone always snickered at the mention of Ellen DeGeneres. I lived in California where Prop 8 was voted for before allowing gay marriage across the country. That really made me feel bad as California is pretty liberal and they weren’t even able to pass it. I will add that none of this stopped me from dating, but it just kind of made me feel like it was something that was just not going to be accepted.

I did participate in PRIDE and came out. I was kicked out of my house and was homeless for being gay. Marriage became legal and places softened. I lived more open. In a sense that I felt safer saying I had a gf at work without being afraid that I’d get fired.

Now more comfortably settled and missing lesbian spaces, I came online to see... well all of this.

It does feel like a reverse in a sense because just as you were starting to feel a little respected you’re getting crapped on by “your own”. Now LGBs (particularly the L and WLW/FEBfems) are afraid to come out as such not so much for their families but from their own support group. It’s like the places for safety have reversed or if you live with parents who are homophobic or people who are strong TRA, it’s worse because they have no support. Another thing is that before you at least had the media that would tell you things like “it gets better” but now they want you to die.

[–][deleted] 10 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 0 fun11 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Even though I made the post I am one of those older lesbians, but I'm not American. The situation seems to be a bit different in America compared to my country. I've noticed a change in how younger people think about the community and how they use the word queer in certain situations and also how transsexualism has become politicized. I suspect it's because whatever is going on in America has a tendency to "taint" the rest of the world, at least to a certain extent. I'm curious about your experiences. Obviously lesbians from all over the world can answer :)

[–]VioletRemi 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

It became here from "no info about any homosexuality" and students beating the shit out of me to "people don't really like it, but not interfering" and to unbanning for media to speak about lesbians or gays.

[–][deleted] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Would you say it's fairly safe to be open in your country? Do you feel safe?

[–]VioletRemi 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Compared to what were before - I am feeling decently safe. However, I am not really understand why should I go and say to everyone that I am lesbian :D

[–]SickOfThisShitNow 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I grew up as a lesbian in the 80s in the UK. Very homophobic society, didn't know any other gay people. There were a few gay people in the public eye but mainly men. Gay people were mainly talked about in relation to AIDS and Clause 28 (which was being brought in to stop the "promotion" of homosexuality in schools.) It was seen as pretty common to either have to hide your sexuality from your family or to be disowned and thrown out of home. I eventually realised there were gay groups and a gay community out there in the cities and that if I worked hard at school and got to university there were gay groups there and that was my escape to find my people. It was pretty common for gay people to have to leave the area they grew up in and start a new life (I'm reminded of the video for Bronski Beat's Small Town Boy which sums up that era).

Because of having to wait until I was 18 and could get to uni, I didn't really have much contact with other gay people until the early 90s, when I came out onto a scene which was very male-dominated (and sometimes hostile to lesbians) - but I also met some great people - gay men and lesbians - and it was such a relief to meet other people like me and finally talk about all this stuff I hadn't been able to talk about all these years. (There was no internet back then - or it hadn't reached me - so I'd just had to keep it all to myself and also had limited access to information about other gay people). The gay scene was focused around clubs and bars. There was some political activism which was about lesbian and gay rights - There wasn't really a link between lesbians and feminism that I saw (I lived in two different UK cities during the 90s) which I think was different to 10 years previously.

Things tended to be labelled lesbian and gay - occasionally the B would be added but that wasn't standard, although there were some bisexuals around. I'm pretty sure I'd never seen the phrase LGBT and hadn't encountered any trans people (although of course there were plenty of gender-non-conforming people - butch lesbians, drag queens etc). A few years later (early 2000s), I used to go to a bar which some transvestites also frequented - everyone was clear that these were straight men with wives who just liked dressing up for a thrill but who would get hassled in straight bars if they went out like that. No one minded them being there but they weren't part of our community, we didn't mix (other than being polite in the queue for the bar) and they didn't insist they were lesbians and that we needed to include them in our group and sleep with them. Transsexuals were rarer and were regarded as a different group from transvestites.

In the 2000s, the internet and the media have had more of an influence. Bisexuality and the idea of sexual fluidity have come to the fore and been presented as morally superior (hearts not parts, I fall in love with the person not the gender). Then the whole trans thing, which has changed massively even over the last few years.

We have certainly made legal progress and progress in terms of visibility since I was young and I think regular people are more accepting - or at least it's less acceptable for them to be openly abusive - but I think the queer movement is the backlash and where the lesbophobic attitudes are coming out - from people who aren't lesbians but have latched on to trans and queer identities. The LGB community wasn't perfect but it was where I felt at home and part of a community in a homophobic world but that seems like the most hostile environment for lesbians these days.

[–]RedditHatesLesbians 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Commenting because I'd really appreciate it if anyone could explain to me what being a lesbian 20-30 years ago was like! I don't know any older lesbians in real life and I feel like movies released about that time nowadays, like Dating Amber, probably aren't all too accurate depictions of what it was like.

[–]Seahorse 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

In most ways it's still a much better place than when I was young.

But the state of the community is deeply troubling. Any old chap can consider themselves LGBTQ+++ now.

And of course people didn't lose their jobs and livelihoods from an opinion.

[–]Ricky_Ticky 8 insightful - 1 fun8 insightful - 0 fun9 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

In addition to what has already been said I feel like modern LGBT has become a very sad place to belong to. Back in the days we could not be out at work, get married, have kids, etc. But outside of the homophobic world we would get together and have fun gender bender parties, watch Velvet Goldmine, crack jokes and dance to disco/rave. I had to face a lot of difficulties back then but I lived with a weirdly nice feeling of belonging to a forbidden and hidden underground world that was full of creativity and extravagance.

Now it seems like TQ has turned everything into a tragic oppression olympics. No matter what you say or do you are going to offend somebody out of their TQXYZ soup and be canceled. Recently I was thinking how would TQ kids react to K.D. Lang? They would probably say poor country girl suffers from internalized transphobia and send her on a T journey lol.

However, with all the great memories that I have about the past, I prefer the present. I feel protected by the legal system and this is what counts. So young lesbians are lucky no matter what. I understand that it's hard for them to find the like minded people they can relate to. But if we managed to do it without the internet back in the days, then really nothing is impossible lol