Have you had anyone question you for your stance on dating trans people?

submitted by reluctant_commenter from self.Lesbians

sorted by:
top
newinsightfulfun
you are viewing a single comment's thread.

view the rest of the comments →

[–]writerlylesbian 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (3 children)

A lot of how things play out is context dependent. Like, for example, I have known of extreme cases where a particular transwoman got fixated on a lesbian, and then went nuclear after being turned down and made it a personal mission to destroy her life, re making her an outcast from the community, getting all her friends to turn against her etc. Happenings like this are why lesbians wised up and started leaving the 'community' in droves.

Having those discussions at work? Be very, very cautious. Particularly in liberal areas/jobs any whiff of terfiness can be enough to get you out. I pretty much don't discuss anything personal at work, or anything political. But I also can't stand most of the people I work with, so try not to talk to them at all, haha.

If it's just the general liberal rabble? Most of them aren't well informed enough to really understand the clusterfuck of LGBT politics. Even many committed liberals still understand the basic meaning of gay and lesbian, and will generally revert to those meanings/usages/understandings even if they stumble about with the clumsy woke vocab from time to time.

But if it's some weird situation where, for some reason, someone is trying to shame you, or pressure you, or get you to acknowledge that you could date a transwoman under some hypothetical circumstance, then just say 'nope' and walk away. You don't have to fight every battle every day. No one has the energy for that. People like that will just exhaust you if you let them.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Having those discussions at work? Be very, very cautious. Particularly in liberal areas/jobs any whiff of terfiness can be enough to get you out. I pretty much don't discuss anything personal at work, or anything political. But I also can't stand most of the people I work with, so try not to talk to them at all, haha.

I am hoping to avoid them altogether at work, to be honest. But in my job, you tend to get close with your coworkers fast and spend a ton of time together (this might be affected by the pandemic though, we'll see). I really, really do not like lying but if I needed to, I would.

I don't think the older people who work here care very much, as you described:

If it's just the general liberal rabble? Most of them aren't well informed enough to really understand the clusterfuck of LGBT politics.

But I think a lot of the ones my age have been drinking the kool-aid.

But if it's some weird situation where, for some reason, someone is trying to shame you, or pressure you, or get you to acknowledge that you could date a transwoman under some hypothetical circumstance, then just say 'nope' and walk away.

Sounds like a good plan. I am hoping nobody here is that toxic.

[–]writerlylesbian 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I don't lie about anything. I've said I'm a lesbian the few times it's come up, I just work at one of those workplaces that has an established dysfunctional culture of bullying and other crap, so I'm not not going to be unguarded about anything, no matter what it. Not that anyone has really targeted me, for the lesbian thing or anything else, but that's largely because I can see potential issues coming from a mile off and steer clear.

Even a lot of younger people are starting to see problems with woke culture. Look for the ones who are not enthusiastically endorsing it. Not always, but that's often a sign someone isn't on board team woke, they just know they can't so, thus they don't say anything.

[–]reluctant_commenter[S] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Yeah, I would probably not lie about being lesbian, but I might about my trans views, or phrase them in such a way that it might lead me to pass as trans-sympathetic, if that were really required. I don't want to have to do that, but, well, we are living in the worst financial downturn in a century and I need to support myself first. Likely it will not come to that, however.

Even a lot of younger people are starting to see problems with woke culture. Look for the ones who are not enthusiastically endorsing it.

I feel like AL is starting to crack. Those couple posts about lesbophobia, for example. I have not seen IRL evidence yet but I'm on the lookout.

Look for the ones who are not enthusiastically endorsing it. Not always, but that's often a sign someone isn't on board team woke, they just know they can't so, thus they don't say anything.

Yup, absolutely. People like me :)