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[–]whateverman 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (4 children)

She's not a lesbian. She's bisexual, most likely.

Reasons she could be lying:

  1. Internalized biphobia/misogyny. She may look down on herself in some way for being a woman attracted to both sexes. She may fear that you'll leave her if she came out as bisexual.

  2. She's a political lesbian and has started fantasizing about men due to sexual frustration. A typically straight woman pretending to be a lesbian scenario.

The first one is forgivable. The second one is not. Do you feel that she is attracted to you? Is she aware you want nothing to do with her male-focused fantasies if she's actually bisexual?

[–][deleted]  (3 children)

[deleted]

    [–]whateverman 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    You have to talk to her about this. She is gaslighting you, but I wouldn't start from that angle. I would simply state that you feel that you are being lied to and that for your marriage to work, you need to know who she is. Ask her point-blank if she is sexually attracted to men.

    If she says no, I would suggest marital counselling. If this is how it turns out, she most likely has a deep-seated fear that you will leave her or think less of her. It's not okay for her to lie to you and it's not okay for her to force you to know about her porn habits, even incidentally. Either that or she is straight and you just bring the emotional security that she feels men aren't capable of.

    [–][deleted]  (1 child)

    [deleted]

      [–]whateverman 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

      You're welcome! And yeah, that's definitely something that needs to be addressed. Either way, something's up.