all 20 comments

[–]VioletRemi 31 insightful - 4 fun31 insightful - 3 fun32 insightful - 4 fun -  (3 children)

Those are the worst, yeah. They are full caught on a patriarchy and thinking that all women (except them!) are just a disposable resource. I dated few women like that (and few "political lesbians"), and in general I found that they don't even like other women at all, they were dating with me not because they love women, but because "men just the worst". One of them was very straight and even felt disgust about dating a woman, but she was thinking that she is forced into this "bad situation", where she must "suffer dating women" because world is so bad and there no kind man around her!

[–]yayblueberries 16 insightful - 6 fun16 insightful - 5 fun17 insightful - 6 fun -  (2 children)

I think this explains my friend's roommate (I stayed with them for a few months over winter while I was starting a job in their area). I was pretty certain she is straight. Apparently she had just broken up with her boyfriend who was turning out to be abusive. She was still hanging out with him - he would come over to pick her up as she used him for his car, and it sure looked like they were still together. She was also sleeping with her (male) pot dealer, who turned out to have the hots for this other chick, who claimed to be asexual/lesbian.

This roommate tracked down asexual lesbian chick, and decided they were now both a lesbian couple, where they had zero sex together. Except roommate also decided she couldn't give up sex, so she got guys on Tinder every few days to have sex with. I thought gee, how convenient she could call herself a lesbian to make it look like she hates men, while she did not have to engage in lesbian sex ever, and still got to have straight sex with every guy in the county. All because she was pissed at her ex for being a douche.

[–][deleted]  (1 child)

[deleted]

    [–]Astrid2448 19 insightful - 2 fun19 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    Unfortunately, this is my experience too. And if you call any of them out, they rage and say it’s their label and affects no one else. Because apparently they live in on another planet and dont represent a growing mob of homophobic women telling the world that gay women really do like men.

    [–]a_blue_bird 29 insightful - 1 fun29 insightful - 0 fun30 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Glad to hear you aren't trying to ''make this work''. If she considers women as potential partners only because something bad happened to her with men/she hates men now - nothing good will come out of it. She needs to sort out her issues.

    [–]itsmehere[S] 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Agreed. She honestly didn’t seem ready for another relationship anyway. I’m surprised I even let the whole thing go on for so long tbh

    [–][deleted] 24 insightful - 10 fun24 insightful - 9 fun25 insightful - 10 fun -  (2 children)

    a girl i work with told me once, "if it doesn't work out with this guy..." (one of a long string of men she had dated in a short period of time) "...i'm going to become a lesbian and date women." and i thought, "oh. go fuck yourself."

    [–]LeaveAmsgAfterBeep 13 insightful - 15 fun13 insightful - 14 fun14 insightful - 15 fun -  (0 children)

    “They don’t just take transfers you gotta fill in an application”

    [–]Astrid2448 14 insightful - 1 fun14 insightful - 0 fun15 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    The fact that they think it’s a choice 🙄

    [–]Astrid2448 21 insightful - 1 fun21 insightful - 0 fun22 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    Oh man, I hate those types. They see lesbianism as a choice you make when you lose your main options. They end up sticking around for a short phase (during which they loudly scream about comphet and lesbianism) before getting a boyfriend and becoming “sexuality is fluid” advocates. It’s really degrading and misogynistic.

    [–]RedditHatesLesbians 20 insightful - 1 fun20 insightful - 0 fun21 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    Reminds me of when I was dating a bi girl and when I asked to kiss her she just stood there like a limp rag, completely unresponsive, and it's not like I'm a bad kisser and was going in with my tongue out. Saw her a week later with her tongue down a boys throat making out on a park bench, turns out she was straight as fuck. This sort of thing gives me trust issues.

    [–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    and it's not like I'm a bad kisser and was going in with my tongue out.

    Just wanted to say, it drives me batty when people do this lol. Like, dude, I'm not a salt lick.

    [–][deleted] 18 insightful - 1 fun18 insightful - 0 fun19 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

    This is a tough one for me, because if a bisexual woman who was legitimately strongly attracted to women decided she wanted to only pursue women due to bad experiences with men, I don't think I'd have an issue with it. But if I were to date someone like this though, I would need to feel confident that they were no longer angry about past relationships and that relationships with women weren't just some sort of revenge ploy or "dating on easy mode" strategy.

    Your experience sounds like there's several glaring red flags there - still bitter about her ex, unwillingness to let go of gender roles, unwilling to cut out sex with men, not recognizing how condescending she sounds, etc. She's going to realize very quickly that dating women is not easier than dating men, and she'll either choose to go back to men or, if it's really the key to her happiness, stick it out with women but be a better, less self centered partner in the future.

    [–]Icebridge 16 insightful - 2 fun16 insightful - 1 fun17 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

    Same, no problem with febfems but OP dodged a bullet imo. I definitely envision this woman having difficulty getting in a romantic relationship with another woman unless she is extremely attractive and meets someone dumb enough to ignore the army of red flags.

    [–][deleted] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    She will go back to dating men as soon as she’s over that guy. Don’t take her seriously. That’s a really dumbass thing to tell a lesbian.

    [–]oofreesouloo 11 insightful - 3 fun11 insightful - 2 fun12 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

    Run

    [–]LeaveAmsgAfterBeep 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

    Yeah I don’t get why they think this will work? Some people just act like that. Like if you’re dating someone isn’t sex typically part of that? Why date them if not? I know some people are ok with non-monogamy especially early on, but like, how do they even have time and energy for that shit? I don’t get it. It’s treating people weird.

    [–]VioletRemi 16 insightful - 5 fun16 insightful - 4 fun17 insightful - 5 fun -  (1 child)

    There women and men who think something like "if I am (or "my wife" if it is man) is bisexual, it is fine if she sleeps with other women, only sleeping with man will be cheating". Invalidating lesbianism as something real. Especially that is seen in dating apps, few years ago I dropped Tinder for "straight couple searching lesbian for threesome" appearing on tag #lesbian.

    [–]Astrid2448 17 insightful - 3 fun17 insightful - 2 fun18 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

    And the key thing with all of these people: there is pretty much no one on earth that thinks only lesbian sex is real sex while straight sex isn’t. I have never even heard of a same sex couple having an arrangement where the bi girl can suck all the peen she pleases but has to refrain from other vag. It’s a very misogynistic thing

    [–]DaniilDankovsky 9 insightful - 1 fun9 insightful - 0 fun10 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    It just really sucks. I’m glad it’s over now!

    [–]reluctant_commenter 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

    It ended up being awkward because it seemed she wanted me to play the role of a man in the relationship (which didn’t work because I’m a woman, duh)

    Yeah screw that. Seriously.

    Sorry to hear you had that experience, that's extra lame of her.