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[–]Jinera 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

I can relate. Although for me it's more the other way around. When I am depressed I ache to be on my own, I completely detach myself from anyone.

For the past few months despite some issues and a lot of physical issues, I am emotionally very very stable. This might be tmi, but due to illness I need to take certain painkillers that has been proven to also work as an anti depressant. Ever since taking them I have been doing so well!

But when I am happy.. I want to do things, I want to share moments with a partner. I feel so lonely because I long to have someone to experience things with. My friends kind of suck, they never keep my disability in mind and make mean comments about my illness.

I am on tinder again for the past week, and I know this is all on me but it is so difficult! I have a pretty specific type (shame on me!), they need to be able to live with the fact that I am chronically ill and in a lot of pain, but even more difficult I am extremely kinky in a way that I know it wont be fair to me or them to have a relationship with someone who doesn't enjoy that. My dating pool is basically invisible at this point lol.

I am prepared to die alone with my 300 snakes

Edit: like last week I went to the beach in the middle of the night on my own to watch the sea flames. And all I could think about was: I wish I could be here with a cute girl, drink some alcohol free wine (hey I dont drink and drive!) While watching the sea light up while watching the stars...... but I am on my own

[–]midnight305[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I feel that I been dealing with always being sick and lost a lot if friends because they thought I was faking it. First it was a heart condition, then endometriosis, then gallstones, then thyroid issues, then bladder issues, now bowl issues all ontop of being fat and unable to lose weight because the meds to help my endometriosis fucked my body up n now I have thyroid problems so losing weight is impossible all ontop of dealing with extreme pain from where I got attacked by two dogs but I try to ignore it.

Hope you dont mind me asking but what's your disability?

Abd I wish I could find a magic pill to fix me. Anti depressants react bad with me and mostly act like a sedative no matter what kind of anti depressants it is. And I hate it because I dont want to sleep all day. I'm already tired all the time and have no energy for nothing.

Sucks your friends make front if your disability I would call them out on it. My friends know I would and vise versa if I was being a little shit. Lol had to get on my friend about his moody hr was trying to lose weight. He was like " I had no idea I was acting that way ...sorry " .

That sounds nice I like staring up at the sky watching the stars or the sunset staring at the moon and just enjoying nature. I dont drink either though. 32 and dont do any of that stuff. Lol dont want to risk it with my families addictive personality plus dont need it . Lol I prefer junk food or food in general.

Yep that's all I want too. Been like 10 years since I been cuddled or anything.

Edit: how could I forget about the snake noodles....what kinds do you got?

[–]Jinera 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That sucks so so so bad! An ex of mine had endometriosis as well and I know how much pain it caused her. I have Ehlers-danlos syndrome, which in itself doesn't have to be a disability, but since it has caused my left shoulder to be permanently partly dislocated, and my right shoulder, jaw and fingers partly dislocate on a regular basis I consider it a disability: it limits me in what I am capable of doing. Chances are that with the rate things are going I might end up in a wheelchair if my hips or knees start acting up. But I do a lot of physical therapy to make sure I hopefully prevent any future damage to my body. I have joint pain every single second of the day, along with the pain of dislocating joints, and that will never stop.

I wish I had a magic pill as well lol, tramadol helps a lot but i can still feel the pain through it. I have never taken real anti depressants, for the same reason as you: I feared they'd numb me. I've been depressed since I was 13 years old, and these painkillers got rid of that without numbing me. They have a lot less side effects compared to regular anti depressants. I got lucky, I guess.

And you're right I should probably stand up to myself, I feel as if it just isn't worth it. I call them friends, but realistically I don't feel close to them.

Not drinking is really good! I only drink one glass at a time maybe once every other week. I don't do drugs at all, but so many people are into smoking weed or getting drunk a lot.. I am just not.

And same, i got hugged for the first time in years all the way back in december and i still cling onto those memories..

I have two ball pythons! One is a total sweetie, he is my best boi. They are my favourite animals and i could potentially have 300 of them for real. I also own a lesser tenrec, which looks like a miniature ugly version of a hedgehog lol.

Do you have snakes or other pets?

(Also! Don't feel insecure about your body weight, there are tons of ladies who like their girls on the bigger side - I am one of them, more to hug ;)! )