I’m “femme” and had brutal dysphoria for years. Believe it or not, it’s not a butch thing, it can be an “any lesbian” thing, and mine was particularly bad because I have an hourglass type female body, a real stereotype. Even my face.

I was told I am “too pretty to be a dyke” and “don’t look like a man, so obviously you were not born gay” etc and it caused me a lot of distress as a young lesbian, especially since other lesbians liked women who were androgynous looking.

On top of that, feeling wrong as a woman with a woman instead of being a man like I grew up seeing. I wanted all of the female tells on my body to go away, not to be a “man” as much as not be a woman. And I had a hard time relating to feminine-beauty practices and clothes. Female stereotypical roles in general, especially the ones associated with shyness and modesty, even weakness. I am just not those things, I don’t have those qualities and didn’t. Everything I wore felt like drag. It STILL feels like drag. But masculine shit feels like drag too.

I think the dysphoria was from all of the ways I was failing to be a “proper” girl and then a “proper” woman, but looking SO “feminine” in my whole body and face. I had to just stop thinking about it