When love hits like lightning

submitted by Ricky_Ticky from self.Lesbians

Have you ever had this weird experience when you meet a woman who is clearly giving out gay vibes and kinda flirts with you. Unexpectedly for yourself you fall head over heels for her but realize she isn't gay at all. She is married with kids and now you have to forget her but you can't... How did you manage to get her out of your mind?

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[–][deleted] 13 insightful - 1 fun13 insightful - 0 fun14 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Recognize that you’re probably being toyed with by a straight girl, or a bi girl who is with someone, but probably a straight girl because actual bi girls tend to know better.

When you can see it as being used it becomes a huge turnoff.

Edit: you can’t fall for someone you don’t know

[–]Ricky_Ticky[S] 6 insightful - 2 fun6 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

you can’t fall for someone you don’t know

I thought so too but this time around my rational mind tripped me

[–][deleted] 12 insightful - 1 fun12 insightful - 0 fun13 insightful - 1 fun -  (5 children)

It’s been my experience, as someone who’s been out for 26 years, that 99% of the time when you think a straight woman is flirting with you she is. The messed up part is because she sees you as the safest, most nonthreatening, accountably free person possible to act like that with. Will she see it like that? No. Is it actually how it is? Yes. Case in point if her husband found out how she was acting with you he wouldn’t care, if you were another dude it would be a big issue in their marriage. As soon as you except something for what it is the power it has over you doesn’t last.

[–]WildwoodFlower 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

My friend once kissed me right in front of her husband! She was so drunk at the time, that neither her husband nor I took her seriously. He seemed to think it was cute. If it bothered him, he didn't let it show. As for myself, I kept my cool while I was at that party. But afterward, I remember sitting alone in my parked car, wondering WTF just happened.

[–]Ricky_Ticky[S] 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Aaah, I hate when straight women are doing these things. It's kinda funny when happens but at the same time as you said - WTF 😤

[–]WildwoodFlower 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I've gotten used to having a "WTF just happened?" experience when I'm with her. I've never seen her act this way with other women. For example, I have been at parties with drunk straight women who go around kissing girls. (I usually manage to dodge them.) But my friend wasn't kissing the other women at that party that night, or telling them how cute they are. Just me. And she's not some college girl or early twentysomething going through an experimental phase. This woman is in her 60s.

[–][deleted] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

that is a wise and insightful response. i found it helpful for myself. thanks :)

[–]Ricky_Ticky[S] 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

I am working on accepting it. Thank you!

[–][deleted] 9 insightful - 2 fun9 insightful - 1 fun10 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

stay busy. volunteer to help others. spend lots of time with friends.

[–]reluctant_commenter 5 insightful - 7 fun5 insightful - 6 fun6 insightful - 7 fun -  (1 child)

All you have to do is go back to your flower shop and wait for her to make the first move.

edit: This was a joke comment in reference to a movie, to be clear. I hope everything goes okay!

[–]Ricky_Ticky[S] 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Hahaha, I would love to go back to a flower shop but I am scared of bees

[–][deleted] 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (2 children)

Probably realize I didn't know her as well as I thought and likely imagined and invented all sorts of things in my head that weren't actually there and then move on.

[–]Ricky_Ticky[S] 4 insightful - 3 fun4 insightful - 2 fun5 insightful - 3 fun -  (0 children)

likely imagined and invented all sorts of things in my head Exactly this. And I blame bloody covid for it. Too much free time all of a sudden

[–][deleted] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

This too.

[–]Dykexmachina 7 insightful - 1 fun7 insightful - 0 fun8 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

I hate when straight women do this. I've had several straight women pursue me because I made them "question their sexuality", then I found out they were never serious about it and were just experimenting. They dropped me like a piece of trash, it was really embarrassing. What helped me is cutting them out of my life completely and not looking back. It hurts like hell but it has to be done.

[–]Ricky_Ticky[S] 2 insightful - 2 fun2 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 2 fun -  (0 children)

Straight women can be such evils sometimes 😞

[–]WildwoodFlower 6 insightful - 1 fun6 insightful - 0 fun7 insightful - 1 fun -  (17 children)

I have a "straight" friend who has been flirting with me for over three years, and I totally fell head over heels for her. There's a whole long story behind this, but I will save that for another day (and a separate thread). How did I manage to get her out of my mind? I haven't. But I have basically come to terms with the fact that she's going to keep doing these things to me, I'm probably never going to know why, and that I am always going to have feelings for her.

[–]Ricky_Ticky[S] 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (16 children)

You have an iron will. It is really not easy to stay friends with a woman you have feelings for..

[–]WildwoodFlower 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (15 children)

She doesn't know. At least, I don't think she knows. That makes it somewhat easier for me. Also, it would be too hard to break off our friendship because we are both heavily involved in the same community organization and are more or less colleagues (even though the work we do is unpaid). For awhile, I tried to keep my distance from her, just to give myself time to let things cool off, but she seems to have this innate ability to know when I'm doing this and that's when she'll do something to get close to me.

[–]Ricky_Ticky[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (14 children)

To me it sounds like she is attracted to you but does not want to make the first move. Being rejected by a much younger girl can feel quite embarassing for a woman in her 60s. So maybe she is just waiting for you to take action.

[–]WildwoodFlower 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (13 children)

I feel that there is some kind of attraction on her side. But I can't figure out what it is exactly. It's a very complicated situation. I'll start a separate thread about it later. But the bottom line is, I'm not going to make any moves on a woman who isn't single.

[–]Ricky_Ticky[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (12 children)

I'm not going to make any moves on a woman who isn't single Yes, fair enough. Uff.. Not an easy situation

[–]WildwoodFlower 3 insightful - 1 fun3 insightful - 0 fun4 insightful - 1 fun -  (11 children)

I'm still too lazy to write that separate post. But to make a long story short, her husband (who I mentioned in another comment in this thread) got sick and died several months after the "kiss at the party" episode. Only a few months later, she started seeing this guy she knows from her childhood. For over a year, she always described him as a friend, but then she finally admitted to me that he's her boyfriend. But I am not allowed to tell anyone. His friends know. Only a few of hers do (these are people they both went to high school with). Anyone looking at her FB page would think this guy is just a casual friend who sometimes makes smartass comments on her political posts, nobody special. There aren't any pictures of the two of them or anything like that. She didn't tell me why she doesn't want anyone to know. I am guessing she's afraid people will judge her negatively for moving on so quickly after her husband's death. And yeah, that would have made sense last year at this time. But not now. As far as the friends she and I have in common are concerned, one of them is also a widow who started dating again about a year after her husband passed, and she has since remarried; the people we know were all happy for her.

So basically, I have feelings for a woman who is in a semi-closeted heterosexual relationship. And she keeps flirting with me and doing other stuff that I will describe in more detail when I finally get around to writing that separate post.

[–]Ricky_Ticky[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (10 children)

Sounds like the woman wants to have some fun and "free love" in her life. But I can imagine it is really not easy for you. Would her social circle judge her if she steps into a relationship with another woman?

[–]WildwoodFlower 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (9 children)

Maybe she feels she missed out on the whole "free love" thing the first time around in the 60s and 70s? :D (Actually, she once told me she hated the whole sexual revolution thing because the guys back then all expected women to put out and all she wanted was someone to take her to the movies.) At any rate, this woman is in her 60s and her boyfriend is in his early 70s (and doesn't appear to be in the best of shape). Her husband was 80 when he passed away. So I doubt this is about sex, at least as far as the males of the species are concerned.

The people we know in common would probably have an "OMG, what's going on between those two???" reaction if she and I got together. Many of them are lesbians or gay men who came out later in life, after heterosexual marriages and kids. So they would be understanding once they got over their initial shock. The straight people among us are not homophobic-- they wouldn't be in our organization if they were. Again, I would expect them to be shocked at first, but they'd get over it. They are used to seeing me and her hanging out together. Some of them have even commented about how "she really likes you" and have noted that she treats me differently than she treats other people. (They don't mean it that way, but they are noticing something.)

As for her extended family and friends, as far as I can tell, they're pretty liberal. It's not like they're religious fundamentalists or anything like that. I think there are one or two out gay men among her group of friends (beyond the ones we both know). She also has a step-granddaughter who is an LGBT activist.

[–]Ricky_Ticky[S] 1 insightful - 1 fun1 insightful - 0 fun2 insightful - 1 fun -  (8 children)

What if she really likes you not just as a friend but as a woman but the age difference is stopping her? In that age having a partner from the same generation gives a sense of security whereby being with somebody half your age can feel weird. After all she might think she is going to hold you back from building "normal" relations and starting a family

[–]Lessom 5 insightful - 1 fun5 insightful - 0 fun6 insightful - 1 fun -  (1 child)

Speak to other women that are available.

[–]WildwoodFlower 2 insightful - 1 fun2 insightful - 0 fun3 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

That's what I would like to do, but there never seem to be any of them around.

[–]plotbunny 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Give her space, don't hang around waiting for her to change her mind

[–]MyLongestJourney 4 insightful - 1 fun4 insightful - 0 fun5 insightful - 1 fun -  (0 children)

Have you ever had this weird experience when you meet a woman who is clearly giving out gay vibes and kinda flirts with you. Unexpectedly for yourself you fall head over heels for her but realize she isn't gay at all. She is married with kids and now you have to forget her but you can't... How did you manage to get her out of your mind?

I do not fall head over heels,but I have met a few very attractive women,who gave off super gay vibes only to discover they were married with kids.Oh well life goes on.